Wife/Girlfriend terrible with Finances??

I think this is the first problem. You both should know what each other make, and exactly what you are responsible for. Some people say "you get bill ABC and I get XYZ". For me and my wife, we decided 80% was fair. We each put 80% and it doesnt matter who makes more, we each contribute the same %. So if she makes more, she will have more in her own savings, but she also contributes more to the joint. To us, it seemed the fairest.

 

I understand the percentage thing, as that is how my girlfriend and I handle it now.

I make close to $20k more per year than she does, so I pay more of the rent each month (I just did off of percentage of income). But with utilities, we both pay equal amounts. We split groceries right down the middle while we're at the store - just have them charge our cards separately. It works VERY well for us and we never argue about money.

Once we get married, we are going to do the multiple account setup - but until we're both legally tied to each others debt, we don't see the need for it.

Fink

 

x2 Is she hot?

 

figures. LOL


EDIT: Hot chicks are usually expensive...

 

then it's my ruling that you either take control of the relationship or stop complaining about it

 

if your not married why have a joint account? i don't see the point. she is used to having more than you can provide you said so yourself right? she will not grow out of this with out causing problems.

if you are not married whats the point btw do what you need to with your money and let her parents be the fall back for her until she gets out of school.

 

You would know better than us whether she can be changed or not.

If I were you, I would sit down with a pad of paper and a calculator and lay it all out there. How much you make, how much she makes, the amount in bills you pay every month, etc...

Break it all down and be sure she understands the entire picture. It could be that she just doesn't realize how much money you spend to make sure you both have a roof over your heads and food on the table.

If it were me and she still didn't seem to grasp it, I'd tell her you want the ring back until she understands how serious it is.

That's just me.

Fink

 

My previous girlfriend was terrible with money and while that was not the primary reason for our break up, it was definitely a contributing factor. She didn’t spend to the point where she would go into collections, but she would spend every dollar she made. A lot of it is our upbringing. My parents always saved money, her parents on the other hand believed you may die tomorrow so spend it today. I have known her for 5 years and in that time she’s went from a Mustang to an Envoy, bought a Mercedes SLK at the same time, traded the Envoy for an FJ Cruiser, the FJ Cruiser for a BMW 3-series, the BMW 3-series for an Escalade and just recently traded the Mercedes for a Smart Car. That’s on top of all the vacations, big screen TV’s etc. I on the other hand am the opposite extreme. I’ve been driving for 17 years and my S2000 is the second car I’ve ever owned (had it 9 years) and my Taco the third. The Taco replaced my first car (94’ Chevy Corsica) that I had from 95’ to 09’. I also put away nearly 16% of my gross income into retirement accounts. I have nice things but I make an effort to not overdo it. In the two years we were together, we would constantly have disagreements about money. I even offered to help her open an IRA but she would never do it. I would ask her if she wanted to work the rest of her life and she said no but never had a plan on how. I’ve had other girlfriends who were not as careful but the last one was the most extreme. I’m telling you bro, it’s hard to snap them out of those types of habits especially as they get older.

 

Man, until you are married, you need to stop supporting this girl! You aren't doing anyone any good by supporting her bad habits. You should read the following articles:

http://www.daveramsey.com/articles/content-center/category/lifeandmoney_relationshipsandmoney/

- When Only One Wants to Change
- Newlyweds: What Do We Need to Know about Money
- The Truth about Money and Relationships

 

Why would it matter what I make to her? Honestly. I'm trying to get her to get caught up on her bills... until she gets used to actually making paychecks last until the next paycheck, I don't think she's really ready for the knowledge of all the money I shell out to keep everything moving.

Baby steps dude.

Also, I don't get what you mean "we each put 80%" - so does that mean you each put 80% of your incomes into a joint account and pay all the bills out of it, and then you each have 20% of your incomes for personal...?

Unfortunately I don't think that would work. I'd put a ton more into the joint account, and she would end up spending way too much of it and cause me to be even MORE financially unstable.

If I'm missing something in your post, let me know. I just don't think that would work for our relationship, at least not at this stage...

lol, so you're saying when you are married it's OK to support her and encourage her bad habits? I don't see the difference I guess, other than the legal debt obligation you would be assuming by marrying her. One of the MANY reasons I don't want to get married... Perhaps I just haven't found 'the one' yet, but the whole concept of assuming any girl's debt scares the hell out of me. I guess I need to find a debt-free girl .

 

Man I feel your pain. I HAD one of these for the last two years. Coach purses, ipad2's, Tiffany jewlery, Hawaii vacations, and spending money for her. But when I wanted to buy somthing for the truck it was a fight. And I only made $3000 more than her. Its almost an impossible habit to break. They think they are getting a deal by purchasing on store credit cards. Not to mention she all ready has $36000 in school loans still to pay. I cut my losses with that relationship. Let just say the truck is getting a lot more toys now a days

 

That's not what I'm saying at all. Marriage is a partnership, you're supporting each other. It should no longer be "my" money, rather "our" money. Granted this only works if you're on the same page. And that right there is the point, they are not on the same page and need to be before they get married. The bad habits need to be resolved now, and until they are married, he shouldn't be supporting her financially. And once they are married and he's supporting her financially, things need to be drastically different than they are now.

So no, under no circumstances should he be supporting/encouraging her bad habits, married or not. And yes, you do need to find yourself a debt free girl if that's important to you. It was to me and I did. Marriage should not at all "assume" spousal debt. If she has debt and you love her enough to take it on, that's one thing, but to assume that all girls have it and getting married guarantees you will too, is a mistake.

 

When the wife and I got married, it was ME that had absolutely no control with the money. I was horrible. Over the last ten years, WE have fixed my money issues. We stopped trying to divide the responsibilities for things. Splitting them up leads to blaming somebody when something isn't paid, which leads to more fighting. My wife makes as much in a quarterly bonus as I make all year now. All of our accounts are joint accounts. I do all the bills and make sure everything is paid when it is supposed to be. We have an account that we use for expenses, one for bills, a savings account with money for emergencies, and an investment account. If you and your partner are sharing the responsibility to pay the bills, then you need to have access to each others accounts in case of emergencies. If you plan to be married, BOTH of your credit scores will be important.

If she gets an attitude when you want to discuss money, I think maybe you should talk to a marriage counselor about ways to approach the situation. If not, you may be in for a very long hard fight that could lead to divorce. And remember, in divorce they don't care how the money WAS split up, half of it is HERS.

Just curious, did the price go down?? My macbook pro was $2500.

 

We each put 80% of what we make in the joint account, and that account is ONLY used for house bills. Your # doesnt have to be 80%, but when we looked at our salaries and bills + extra house savings, 80% came out to be a good %. if you both make 100K and monthly bills are 2K, then you can each put in 60% .. you get my point

I think you should show her what the real bills are and what your money goes for, so she can understand that the bills dont magically get paid, and that living in the real world cost $. If you spend all your money the weekend you make it, you can pay your bills on the 1st.

Some people I know swear by the envelope method. Basically you take your check and allocate X amount per week (envelope) and do it that way.

I think most of us look at a paycheck as a pie graph where certain % is allocated to certain expenses. It seems the girls in question just see it all as fun $ and have no allocation control

 

Seriously, if she won't talk with you about it, find someone she will talk to. If you try to fix it on your own, she may just resent you. Then she will start buying stuff behind your back, and that leads to HUGE arguments. Find a counselor, friend, parent, anyone that can sit with you and talk through it and find a way to fix it.

 

I really think it's all about education. If you take 30 minutes one weekend, to put a spreadsheet together (I'm an Excel freak) showing her all of the various expenses you pay without her even knowing about it, she will come around.

It's sad to say, given that you obviously love the girl, but if she doesn't change after seeing that, or at least put in a noticeable effort, she probably needs to go.

Fink

 

This right here is your main problem. If she isn't helping herself, you're not either. You think you are but in reality all you're doing is enabling her.

And until she changes her poor habits, you're not only hurting her, you're also hurting yourself by thinking that you're obligated to.

 

those habits are hard break.

i had a fairly priveledged childhood, that changed when 9-11 happened, i was 13. but since it happened early with me i learned, it wasnt as difficult to change it. I could pretty much get anything i wanted when i was a kid, my mom didnt though bc she didnt want me spoiled, but i learned from needs and wants. Learned even more when i got out on my own and i didnt have a fall back, im pretty decent with money now, still working on saving, but i dont over spend.

if shes not willing to talk about or work on it, then its most likely never going to change and your gonna have to accept it or do something else about it. i deffinitly think laying it all out for her will help her to understand it wheather it be spread sheet, pie graph or straight numbers, since you said shes in accounting right?

has she ever been on her own and had to pay her own bills? if not it would be better to take a step back and have her try it out, that will make her learn.

 

Always something to consider. I've been there a few times, it's never easy tho... Especially when you live together. I couldn't imagine being married and trying to split.

 

OP - Does it seem like your girls has a realistic understanding of her total debt? Is she isn't one for sitting down and honestly balancing her books. If so, check out mint.com and decide whether it would be something worthwhile to share with her. Where it is a different media for viewing finances, she might be able to latch on to it and take some stock her debt situation. Great for seeing transactions from all of your accounts on one display. You can setup email alerting when you spend outside a preset budget. Also setup financial goals w/ deadlines.