Best of Chris 2x4

Ok, that's a recreation purely for dramatic effect. Jeep2x2 would never ever get that close to an 8 legged creature of nightmares. You'd see a mushroom cloud

 

TROOF! I have lines of defense.

15 feet out, I contemplate their threat level.

from 12 to 15 feet: Threat Level Yellow.
Use Wasp Killer with a min range of 25 feet. I prefer "Total Kill" spray. This shit is awesome. A 30 second burst can make you see things that aren't real, from just the fumes. I keep 2 cans in the front yard, 2 in the back, and 2 in the shop. At this distance, a garden hose with a nice hard spray, can push it back to buy some time. nail gun is useless at this range, and its hit or miss with fire of some sort.

From 10 to 12 feet: Threat level Red.
You need fire. Anything flammable/combustion able should be used but DO NOT mix chemicals without labels. Ammonia, gasoline, muriatic acid, and whatever I had in a clear plastic bottle, can self ignite, moving the spider down to a level 2 priority until you can put yourself, and your brother out. Starter fluid is good, but don't light it. It fucks up their joints, and pisses them off. Some spiders seem to freak out when dowsed with starter fluid, and look like they are on crack. Then.....body parts start to fall off. Others seem to just sit there, looking at you with this "You got nuthin on me, bro!". Then...they curl into a ball. I never found out if they are actually dying, or faking it, as I just light them on fire at this point.

Under 10 feet is now DEFCON:

5 to 10 feet:
Serious attention to soundings must be considered 'cause SHITS GETTIN REAL! I have shot spiders at this distance with .40 cal semi auto. (mountainwolfpup can verify). hammers, wood, shampoo bottles, trash cans, weed eaters, etc should be considered as must use weapons. Light everything on fire.

2 to 5 feet:
Everything above, but add any spray adhesive, paint (Silver seems to work best) lubricant, etc.

 

No. 16 feet and past, they are under surveillance. Kinda....have weapons aimed at them, but haven't launched an attack.

No.......should there be?

I do what I can to help

dick

 

DUDE!!! You have no fucking idea how epic that turned out!!!! After I texted it to him, a few days later, we had a meeting, and he didn't delete the text. I grabbed his phone, saved it, them made it his back ground pic!! After the meeting, he goes to check his missed calls and says "HEY FUCKER! WTF DID YOU DO TO MY PHONE!!!??"

 

Man.....that pic made the rounds too. I sent it to his boss, and it was passed on to a shit load of folks on our site. IIRC, it went around for a couple months.

 

I sent you a text........I have another employee that needs to be added to that poster.