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Old 09-30-2011, 02:25 PM   #1
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I need to go return some videotapes...
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My dad

So I've been keeping this inside, but I need to let it out. My dad passed away last week and I'm having a real tough time just sorting through it all.

My dad lived in Colorado for the past few years, and he and I didn't exactly have a solid relationship. When I was young, he divorced my mom when I was 3 and I visited him every weekend until I was 6. He pretty much disappeared after that, and it wasn't until I was 23 that I was able to track him down in Texas and reach out to him. All those years, he figured that my sister and I hated him, and he was excited to reconnect. He came out a few times to AZ to spend some time with us, but he's always been a distant guy and doesn't let people get close to him. After the reconnect, he sort of went MIA again and only stayed in contact with my sister off and on. Needless to say, I felt like a 6 year old kid again.

Recently, a social worker contacted my sister and I and said that he had some health issues compounding, so we were making arrangements to go out to him in CO and help out, whether he wanted it or not. After a 3 week stint in the VA hospital, he was released and we were making plans to go visit. We were notified last Wednesday that his landscaper, who was a good friend of his, found him in his home. He had died alone in his sleep from internal bleeding and nobody knew for 2 days.

My sister and I flew out to CO last Sunday/Monday to get his keys from the medical examiner and go see what we could do to put his affairs in order. The house was left exactly as he lived during his last days, and it was pretty tough to see how alone he really was. While some say he put himself in that position, I still feel pretty horrible that we missed our chance to show up and help him in time. I love my dad unconditionally, and it's been a tough week needless to say.

My dad was a highly decorated seargent that served 3 tours in Vietnam as a crew chief on Hueys. He survived one of his choppers getting shot down and surrounded by Vietnamese, earned multiple medals for his service, and was highly regarded by his military peers. Luckily I was able to bring all of his medals and original award documents back to AZ with me as mementos. We will be bringing him back to AZ to have a military funeral service out at the Veteran's cemetery in Cave Creek. AZ was his home for many years after the service, and we're hoping he would be glad to be laid to rest near where his children live.

Ok, I'm done spewing my guts out. Just needed a little release today. Looking forward to next Tuesday to have some beers my TW friends on the west side.
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Old 09-30-2011, 02:33 PM   #2
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Adam,

So sorry for your loss. Were you able to talk with you dad before he passed?
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Old 09-30-2011, 02:39 PM   #3
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I need to go return some videotapes...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jammdogg View Post
Adam,

So sorry for your loss. Were you able to talk with you dad before he passed?
Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance. My sister had talked to him the week before, and it was eerie listening to his last voicemails and hearing her voice checking in on him over that last weekend. I wanted to surprise him with the visit, and now I regret not talking to him that week.
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Old 09-30-2011, 02:43 PM   #4
Life is good!!
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Sorry for your loss Adam, one thing to remember..even though he wasn't there with you and your sister, he still had the love of a father for his kids. No one knows what was going on in his mind, but after hearing about what he went through in Nam could have had a big effect on him. Rest in peace soldier.... Prayers for you and your family Adam
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Old 09-30-2011, 02:53 PM   #5
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sorry to hear Adam. been there...done that, and it aint easy.
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Old 09-30-2011, 02:57 PM   #6
What is this "search" you speak of?
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Sorry man.

At least efforts were made and you had a chance to somewhat reconnect with him before he died.

Stay appreciative of the time you guys did spend together.
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Old 09-30-2011, 02:59 PM   #7
I'm a zit. Get it?
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really sad to read this man. just said a small prayer for you and your family. i hope the funeral will help you find closure and move on, but never to forget him. amazing story by the way about him in the war, sounded like a hero if there ever was one.
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Old 09-30-2011, 03:16 PM   #8
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Man, I'm so sorry Adam. I know the feeling. seems like thats the Exact path my dad and I are on. Let me know if you ever need anything man. My prayers go out to you and your family.
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Old 09-30-2011, 03:49 PM   #9
Seabass [OP] Seabass is offline
I need to go return some videotapes...
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Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the kind words from you all.
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Old 09-30-2011, 04:48 PM   #10
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Sorry for your loss man! I don't know my dad really and that's not by choice.....still drinking and using! Hope you find peace and know that you at least tried and did the right thing by trying to re-connect! I'm sure he knows what's in your heart now!

It's cool you can open up and be real here man....it's refreshing!

Hope to wheel with you sometime in the future!

Mike
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Old 09-30-2011, 04:50 PM   #11
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Sorry to hear bro, losing someone close is always hard. Thoughts are with you.
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Old 09-30-2011, 04:54 PM   #12
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sorry to hear that, prayers will be said for him
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Old 09-30-2011, 04:57 PM   #13
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So sorry to hear that news. All the best to you and your family
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Old 09-30-2011, 05:03 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johneman View Post
Sorry for your loss Adam, one thing to remember..even though he wasn't there with you and your sister, he still had the love of a father for his kids. No one knows what was going on in his mind, but after hearing about what he went through in Nam could have had a big effect on him. Rest in peace soldier.... Prayers for you and your family Adam
Quote:
Originally Posted by jgwheeler17 View Post
really sad to read this man. just said a small prayer for you and your family. i hope the funeral will help you find closure and move on, but never to forget him. amazing story by the way about him in the war, sounded like a hero if there ever was one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moose1988 View Post
Man, I'm so sorry Adam. Let me know if you ever need anything man. My prayers go out to you and your family.
X2, well said. Prayers sent your way Adam.
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Old 09-30-2011, 05:04 PM   #15
.....
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I'm sorry for your loss bud

Prayers sent your way man!
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Old 09-30-2011, 06:05 PM   #17
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I am so sorry for your loss Adam. Thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. And your father was a hero! Anyone who served in that war was a hero. I hope this helps you in your healing process. Take care man, see you soon.
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:43 PM   #18
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Sorry to hear man.

Its rough, my dad past in Feb and we had a distant relationship as well. It didnt help he lived in another state. And always preached family but always put his girlfriends infront of family........My older brother lives in the same state as he did and had to make the call with me on the phone. Kind of weird how your story is very similar to mine. Its rough but the one thing I take from it is that i need to be that much more of a father to my boys. In a way it was a way for me to learn from his mistakes. Once again sorry for your loss.
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Old 09-30-2011, 08:13 PM   #19
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Sorry for your loss
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Old 09-30-2011, 09:07 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johneman View Post
Sorry for your loss Adam, one thing to remember..even though he wasn't there with you and your sister, he still had the love of a father for his kids. No one knows what was going on in his mind, but after hearing about what he went through in Nam could have had a big effect on him. Rest in peace soldier.... Prayers for you and your family Adam
x2
If he could see your post from heaven, he would be proud of the man that you turned out to be.... I believe that you have done him well... harbor no ill feelings and be strong in heart
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