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Lactose is my enemy

View Poll Results: Are you lactose intolerant?
Yes 18 32.73%
No 37 67.27%
Voters: 55. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 01-17-2009, 05:02 PM   #1
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Lactose is my enemy

Anyone else Lactose intolerant?
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Old 01-17-2009, 05:24 PM   #2
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i used to not be but i didn't eat dairy very much so when i did it was a bit rough...
i stopped completely so now if i touch the stuff it's bad for everyone
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Old 01-17-2009, 05:25 PM   #3
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Lacoste, the clothing brand?


HAHAHA lactose im an idiot! and yes, I am slightly intolernt so i dont even bother drinking milk anymore. Humans wernt supposed to ever drink COWS milk IMO.
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Old 01-17-2009, 05:30 PM   #4
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im not sure if i am or not. Usually when i have dairy i have to poop like an hour or 2 later. Not sure if its related or not
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Old 01-17-2009, 05:40 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildjerseyfirefighter View Post
im not sure if i am or not. Usually when i have dairy i have to poop like an hour or 2 later. Not sure if its related or not

possibly a mild reaction... if you were really lactose intolerant you would definately know it

your body makes a special enzyme (lactase i believe) to digest lactose... those that are intolerant don't make the enzyme. if you don't eat dairy for a while your body stops making the enzyme so it makes you intolerant.

normally your body makes the enzyme during infancy to digest milk but will continue to make it (most of the time) if you continue to put dairy in your body



wierd how humans are the only animals to drink milk after infancy and the only creature to drink the milk of another animal


IMO... kinda gross
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Old 01-17-2009, 06:07 PM   #6
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Yes, i cant stand a lot of dairy products.....
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Old 01-17-2009, 06:10 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dud122 View Post
possibly a mild reaction... if you were really lactose intolerant you would definately know it

your body makes a special enzyme (lactase i believe) to digest lactose... those that are intolerant don't make the enzyme. if you don't eat dairy for a while your body stops making the enzyme so it makes you intolerant.

normally your body makes the enzyme during infancy to digest milk but will continue to make it (most of the time) if you continue to put dairy in your body



wierd how humans are the only animals to drink milk after infancy and the only creature to drink the milk of another animal


IMO... kinda gross
You said it my friend! I know a lot of people who totally disagree, but I couldn't agree more myself.
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Old 01-17-2009, 06:21 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SC4333 View Post
You said it my friend! I know a lot of people who totally disagree, but I couldn't agree more myself.
yeah... i would expect that



just something i never really could wrap my head around
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Old 01-17-2009, 06:22 PM   #9
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i do dairy all the time..i love milk
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Old 01-17-2009, 06:25 PM   #10
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HHMMMM nice COLD milk with warm chocolate chip cookies or no-bake oatmeal cookes... Can't beat it.
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Old 01-17-2009, 06:44 PM   #11
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I got it bad, milk kills me. Fart all over people, double over with cramps, spend half the day sitting on the pooper. Ice cream gets me too but I'll have it now and then, deal with the consequences later.

My brother is so intolerant he can't even have cheese.
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Old 01-17-2009, 07:19 PM   #12
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I loooove milk and its products.

In fact, when I was a kid, I used to sneak a sip out of the carton of my dad's half and half, and when my mom whipped, whip cream, I used to lick the beater and drink the remnants of the heavy cream.

My arteries are prolly like the LA freeways.
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Old 01-17-2009, 10:35 PM   #14
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i suspect i am...

i had a big plate of OCharley's cheese wedges (which are fucking incredible) tonite for dinner...by the time i was driving home...i had to take a detour onto a very dark and deserted dirt road and "ass-ploded" if you will...luckily i carry a roll of TP in the truck

turns out...those xcab protectors on my sliders...are good for holding on to

speaking of which...as things would have it...i recieved this email when i got home

Killer Chili


I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to $h!t yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.


Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even aft er two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as 'thunder and lightning'.


Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the market, a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.


Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.


The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.



There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it.



I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.


I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. .......BIG mistake!!!!!




Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.



Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.



Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe' . He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Sonofabitch!', then quickly left.



Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'



That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.



Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
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Old 01-17-2009, 10:50 PM   #15
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I can't handle milk or ice cream....
I'll eat ice cream every once and a while as it's so damn good.....

Thank god I can handle cheese and yogurt
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Old 01-18-2009, 07:12 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tigerfan00 View Post
i suspect i am...

i had a big plate of OCharley's cheese wedges (which are fucking incredible) tonite for dinner...by the time i was driving home...i had to take a detour onto a very dark and deserted dirt road and "ass-ploded" if you will...luckily i carry a roll of TP in the truck

turns out...those xcab protectors on my sliders...are good for holding on to

speaking of which...as things would have it...i recieved this email when i got home

Killer Chili


I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to $h!t yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.


Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even aft er two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as 'thunder and lightning'.


Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the market, a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.


Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.


The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.



There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it.



I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.


I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. .......BIG mistake!!!!!




Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.



Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.



Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe' . He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Sonofabitch!', then quickly left.



Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'



That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.



Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
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Old 01-18-2009, 08:49 AM   #17
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I'm not but my wife can make the paint peeel if she eats cheese
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Old 01-18-2009, 09:06 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tigerfan00 View Post
i suspect i am...

i had a big plate of OCharley's cheese wedges (which are fucking incredible) tonite for dinner...by the time i was driving home...i had to take a detour onto a very dark and deserted dirt road and "ass-ploded" if you will...luckily i carry a roll of TP in the truck

turns out...those xcab protectors on my sliders...are good for holding on to

speaking of which...as things would have it...i recieved this email when i got home

Killer Chili


I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to $h!t yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.


Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even aft er two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as 'thunder and lightning'.


Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the market, a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.


Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.


The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.



There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it.



I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.


I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. .......BIG mistake!!!!!




Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.



Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.



Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe' . He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Sonofabitch!', then quickly left.



Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'



That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.



Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.

YOU'RE THE ONE!!!! Did you stop up the store plumbing when you were at it??? Was in a Wal Mart before Christmas and someone had plugged the plumbing up, causing a back up... it was horrible.
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Old 01-18-2009, 09:07 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ImpulseRed008 View Post
YOU'RE THE ONE!!!! Did you stop up the store plumbing when you were at it??? Was in a Wal Mart before Christmas and someone had plugged the plumbing up, causing a back up... it was horrible.
most definately not...i try my best to avoid walmarts
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Old 01-18-2009, 10:18 AM   #20
rabble rabble rabble
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has anyone ever tried any of the fake cheeses out there?? i've trieda few and the texture is nowhere near real cheese but some have a decent flavor...

its not as great if you're eating it on a cheese pizza where it is the main flavor but on a burger or something where there is a lot of other flavors going on its pretty good.
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