Love both these rounds, IMO, 9mm kick seems to be just as hard as 45. 9mm is a quick snap, 45 is more of a slower hard push.
For home defense, gotta agree with above poster that shotgun is weapon of choice. Cheap rounds, cheap gun, easy to load and shoot. Very menacing sound of a pump action being chambered!
Remember, this is your home, there could be friendlies.
ALWAYS positively id your target before engaging.