Police and Dispatchers post up your funny calls!

I work both sides of the house here at the base and I've dealt with some pretty funny/crazy calls. Best one that I remember and everyone to this day still gives me shit about is when this guy called the emergency line and I answered:

Ring Ring

Me: Good afternoon Coast Guard Police Officer M, can I help you?

Him: Uhhhhh yea uhhh, I'm driving down Polaris here and uhhh there's uh...there's a snowman here with a rather large..............uh.....phallic symbol and balls on it.

Me: A large what symbol?

Him: Its got a d*ck and balls on it!!

Me: Oh, ok....interesting.

The conversation went on about where exactly it was but yea...thats the best one I have so far.

Lets here yours!

 

Almost related... worked on Ski Patrol... Spring Skiing

Neub goes to an incident.

Sticks his skis in the snow forming a cross hill-high to the patient.

Feels down the leg to see where things hurt.

Sees blood on the pants. Cuts them to expose. Feels the leg again.

Sees blood on the long johns!

Cuts the long johns.

See's nothing! Turns out, he cut his hands on his skis when he planted them in the snow!!! WTF! Nice Job!

 

I dispach for the Hanover NH police Department, and will hopefully one day be a police officer lol but we cover 23 towns and 63 agencies, so we get a ton of dumb calls. my best one so far...

Ring Ring!

Me: Hanover Dispatch, Fire Emergency. (call actually came in thru 911)

Caller: Yes, is this the Fire Department?

Me: Yes we Dispatch for them..

Caller: Ok the microwave is running and I cant shut it off! I need the Fire Department to come up here and help me!

Me: ma'am can you unplug it?

Caller: no its one of those big ones

Me: Well if you push the big open button the microwave will open up and shut off..

Caller: (could hear her rustling around)

Me: ma'am did you shut it off?

Caller: no i dont dare to

Me: push the big button to open it and it will shut off

Caller: Nothing Icky will come out?

Me: no.

Caller: opened it up

Me: did it shut off?

Caller: hangs up on me


and the 911 operator was laughing in the background while trying to tell me she had disconnected haha, people are tahded. I got one the same day from an old lady saying she wanted to kill herself bc people were waiting for her inheritance lol she was in a nursing home. but we get dumb calls all the time!

 

Loose black cow looking in window on porch watching tv. 911 call for my county

 

had one where a woman locked herself in her car. i kid you not she left the keys on the trunk and the car locked herself with her inside and she said she didnt know how to get out because the doors were locked. true story

 

I answered a one legged woman hopping around the front yard yelling rape. There was a blind man trying to catch her saying " I know where you are, I can hear you hopping. " Long story short. She had his zippo lighter stuck up the woohaaaa because she wanted it up there and he was just trying to get it back.