The relay coil doesn't care which end is +12V or ground, it will still work. I tied these together so that 30 provides the voltage to the lights, pin 85 provides the +12V to the relay coil, and then pin 86 is wired to the switch which is connected through to ground. The lights worked on Saturday, I was there and seen it!
What didn't work was the LED for the switch. The way we wired it up, the switch tied the relay coil to ground.
The way for the LED to work on the switch you need to wire the following:
+12V add a circuit fused power to pin 2 of switch
Ground to pin 3 of switch
Connect relay pin 86 to pin 2 of switch
Connect relay pin 85 to ground