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Old 12-21-2011, 07:27 AM   #1
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Thoughts on Dishonorable Discharge?

Hey guys, just always wanted an opinion on a guy I was pretty good friends with back in High school. Yes it was a little while ago since Highschool but, always wanted to know what other guys in the Militray would think about this.

1st let me start out with a Thank you for your service for anyone who has been in the Military.

I'm going to give you some back story on this guy. We were pretty close in school. He was a guy I could count on, the guy loved to fight, so I always knew he had my back, no matter what. When he was younger and this was before I knew him, his parents died in a car accident. So he was raised by his Grandmother. He was so young when it happened that he just called his Grandmother, Mom. My friends and I knew it was his Grandmother, but it was what it was. So anyway, I tell you this because at the age of 18 becuase of his parents accident, he got a significant amount of money from the settlement of the accident. So he turned 18 I think in the middle of our senior year. He didn't go crazy, but an 18yo male with alot of money is not a good thing! LOL. He bought a Camaro, not new but the thing was Nice! Had the orig engine swapped out for a almost brand new Corvette Engine out of a wrecked Corvette. Nice Rims on it! And of course a great stereo system. I'm getting Off-topic thinking about that car. LOL.

So it was around this time shortly after he got the money he also decided to join the Marines. I almost joined with him, but my life took a different turn. Anyway I was proud of him, he was a close friend and to be honest, besides the Military, I didn't know where he would end up.

So he joins, and from what he told me really enjoyed it. He came home after boot camp, he tells me he graduated 2nd in his class. Looks good, is in shape and seems to be standing tall. Once again I was proud of him, and happy for him to find something he was good at, being a Marine fit him well.

So he would come home on leave off and on, and we would always get together for lunch or whatever, still seemed to me that he really liked what he was doing.

So fast forward to what was his last year to do. Infact I think he has less than a year. He comes home on leave. Of course I see him, had lunch with a group of friends. Had a good time, everything seems normal to me. He told me he was going back and finishing out his tour in Hawaii! A few weeks past and I hear he was supposed to go back but for whatever reason goes AWOL! My only thought is WTF?! and . I don't know why or what caused it. From what I heard he just did not want to go back, missed home, and of course had alot of money burning a hole in his pocket.

So this part I have only heard through the grape vine, They finally track him down and talk him in to coming back telling him everything is ok and whatnot. A few months after he goes back he is home with a Dishonorable Discharge.

I did not talk to him much after that. Pretty much would see him around the way and it would be a How ya doin? and go about my day. About a year after, he ended up beating a guy to near death with a brick. He did a few years for that. Again I still see him around, he's married, has a kid. Seems to have maybe turned his life around for the better. I dont't know though. We obviously don't have anything to really say to each other.

So Sorry for the long story but figured I had to tell the whole story. But I can't get past his Dishonorable Discharge. That to me ruined our friendship. I was so proud and happy of him when he was doing his thing. I feel let down almost by him. Sad.

So what are you guys thoughts on it, considering his situation also? Always wondered what others in the Military would think of him?
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Old 12-21-2011, 08:43 AM   #2
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Personally, the DD would be the least of my worries. The guy screwed up, let his fellow Marines down and was punished for it...as he should have been. As for his beating a man nearly to death with a brick and then doing time, that would probably do it for me. The guy clearly has some issues that he needs to figure out and get fixed. The real issue is he is now married with a kid!!! You stated he liked to fight...that would scare the hell out of me. Again, there are issues and until they are figured out..I would stay away from him.

He had a rough childhood and the money did not help. Sounds like he never grew up....
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Old 12-21-2011, 08:48 AM   #3
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Have you bothered to ask him what happened? If he was as good as a friend as you say, you owe him to find out.

I have a brother who was dishonorably discharged. He got messed in the head in Iraq and Afghanistan and got into heavy drug use when he came back. He's clean now, but still isn't the same. In the beginning, he put up a very good front and seemed ok.

Talk to your friend.
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:01 AM   #4
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The DD i'd look past, the assult would be the breaker for me. Everyone has problems, it's how they move past them that tells the real story. Older you get the more people settle down.
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:09 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Taco Gunner View Post
Personally, the DD would be the least of my worries. The guy screwed up, let his fellow Marines down and was punished for it...as he should have been. As for his beating a man nearly to death with a brick and then doing time, that would probably do it for me. The guy clearly has some issues that he needs to figure out and get fixed. The real issue is he is now married with a kid!!! You stated he liked to fight...that would scare the hell out of me. Again, there are issues and until they are figured out..I would stay away from him.

He had a rough childhood and the money did not help. Sounds like he never grew up....
From what I hear, he has calmed down. But its only what I hear. And sad to say alot of pople I grew up with or went to school with are in or on their way back to jail. Glad I didn't get caught up with that!

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Originally Posted by Hayes View Post
Have you bothered to ask him what happened? If he was as good as a friend as you say, you owe him to find out.

I have a brother who was dishonorably discharged. He got messed in the head in Iraq and Afghanistan and got into heavy drug use when he came back. He's clean now, but still isn't the same. In the beginning, he put up a very good front and seemed ok.

Talk to your friend.
Well after it all happened, I did try to get ahold of him to ask, but I think he was ashamed and avoided me. And then the Jail time. Like I said not much to say to each other really anymore.

Sorry to hear about your brother, I can understand dealing with that more though, becuse thats your brother. Gald he is clean though. I have a sister that is and addict. Its a shame what an addicted family member can do to a family.
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:14 AM   #6
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The dishonorable discharge has nothing to do with his past or anything. He failed to fulfill his obligation, and did so dishonorably.

The other stuff probably has more of an impact on his life at this point in my opinion.
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:23 AM   #8
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The dishonorable discharge has nothing to do with his past or anything. He failed to fulfill his obligation, and did so dishonorably.

The other stuff probably has more of an impact on his life at this point in my opinion.
True.

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Originally Posted by luk8272 View Post
Until you know the facts on both instances then I don't feel you can make an informed decision, and we all know what they say about Assumptions.

In the heat of the moment anyone can make a bad choice or go to far.
I agree, and yes I don't know the whole story. But I think I got the jist of it. And listen, fighting is one thing, but to nearly kill a guy with a brick? Thats not just a bad choice to me.
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:24 AM   #9
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Who knows? Being married with a kid may be the best thing to happen to the guy. Bottom line is, if you want to make the attempt to get reaquainted, it's totally up to you. Gotta go with your gut.
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:29 AM   #10
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Sounds like a guy who had some troubles in the past. Might be questionable how good his time in the military really was....There are plenty of dudes who say they are top of their class, direct to General, etc etc...that are just hanging on.

I think RV is right- You wanna get to know him again- Go for it. Just pay attention.
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:37 AM   #11
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talk to him bro im in the Corps and Iraq and afghan really screw some people up or worse than they already are but the best thing i would say is talk to him be that friend that he needs
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:44 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DEEVON911 View Post
I agree, and yes I don't know the whole story. But I think I got the jist of it. And listen, fighting is one thing, but to nearly kill a guy with a brick? Thats not just a bad choice to me.
For instance: Attacked by multiple people, picked up a brick and hit one guy one time.

A buddy of mine was being harassed in a bar decided to leave and was pursued outside by 3 guys 1 wanted to fight and 2 supporters. Buddy was grabbed, turned quickly and struck the guy in the face, guy fell and hit his head on a parked car, rushed to hospital and almost died. My buddy has the rap of nearly beating a guy to death in a bar fight, that's not how it went down but that is the popular story. This is the only fight he has ever been in and it almost put him in prison for murder. He isn't and never was a bad guy, thank God he is lucky.
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:50 AM   #13
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Echoing what others have said, if you want to have a relationship (no homo) with him, then you might need to reach out and cut the shit.

There are lots of things to consider, some maybe right, some wrong -- I don't know the guy so I can't say.

It's possible that he hated the Marines, but pressure from people at home telling him how proud they were of him made it extremely difficult to express that. He might have PTSD or some other ailment from his service. Maybe after the discharge he felt depressed and that lead to the altercation.

Psychology is a very difficult thing to get through, despite what millions of Internet Psychiatrists offer to the contrary. The only way to really know for yourself is to find out. Maybe he needs a friend he can open up to. Maybe you can't be that guy. I dunno. It's up to you to find out.
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Old 12-21-2011, 10:07 AM   #15
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I worked for the marine corps for 9yrs (civilian contractor) and i watched good marines get dishonorably discharged yes a mistake was made but you can not hold it against the person especially when it was thier issue that got them to that point. And you should never feel let down because of what he did people change for good or worse and we all make bad decisions he just made a bad career decision. I have seen it all in the marine corps its not an easy job but i am proud that people like him step up everyday and protect our country.
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Old 12-21-2011, 10:12 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brunes View Post
Sounds like a guy who had some troubles in the past. Might be questionable how good his time in the military really was....There are plenty of dudes who say they are top of their class, direct to General, etc etc...that are just hanging on.

I think RV is right- You wanna get to know him again- Go for it. Just pay attention.
Agreed

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Originally Posted by sernaj64 View Post
talk to him bro im in the Corps and Iraq and afghan really screw some people up or worse than they already are but the best thing i would say is talk to him be that friend that he needs
I understand that.

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Originally Posted by luk8272 View Post
For instance: Attacked by multiple people, picked up a brick and hit one guy one time.

A buddy of mine was being harassed in a bar decided to leave and was pursued outside by 3 guys 1 wanted to fight and 2 supporters. Buddy was grabbed, turned quickly and struck the guy in the face, guy fell and hit his head on a parked car, rushed to hospital and almost died. My buddy has the rap of nearly beating a guy to death in a bar fight, that's not how it went down but that is the popular story. This is the only fight he has ever been in and it almost put him in prison for murder. He isn't and never was a bad guy, thank God he is lucky.
I can understand that situation. That to me is self defence. This was a 1 on 1 fight. Infact the other guy prob never had a chance. He decided to pick up the brick while the guy was down. Not to defend himself, that would be different, I agree.
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Echoing what others have said, if you want to have a relationship (no homo) with him, then you might need to reach out and cut the shit.

There are lots of things to consider, some maybe right, some wrong -- I don't know the guy so I can't say.

It's possible that he hated the Marines, but pressure from people at home telling him how proud they were of him made it extremely difficult to express that. He might have PTSD or some other ailment from his service. Maybe after the discharge he felt depressed and that lead to the altercation.

Psychology is a very difficult thing to get through, despite what millions of Internet Psychiatrists offer to the contrary. The only way to really know for yourself is to find out. Maybe he needs a friend he can open up to. Maybe you can't be that guy. I dunno. It's up to you to find out.
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Originally Posted by TRD Larry View Post
I agree 'He failed to fulfill his obligation, and did so dishonorably. ' There were many of times I felt like heading to Canada. When I had these thoughts I was on the other side of the world.I served my time so I might not be the right person to judge, a little prejudiced.
I'll be honest, the harder thing for me is the DD. My dad is and maybe not as much but still is a Conservative. He served in the Air Force. Now he is a retired Captain from the PGH fire dept. So he never told me I had to join the military or anything, but he was big on doing the right and honorable thing. For instance, sign up for the draft, never cross a union picket line. Huge deals for him because of what he did, He was a Captain, the the PGH fire dept is ran somewhat like the military. So it was always a what he said goes kind of thing, and thing like that where drilled in my head. Thats why I always looked at a DD as a horible thing. another example is my dad would never put up with a coward on the fire dept. To him that was the worst thing ever. So i was always told to the honorable and have pride in what I do. Which is what I do. So thats I think partly why I have a harder time getting past the DD.
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Old 12-21-2011, 10:15 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by BlackTaco22 View Post
I worked for the marine corps for 9yrs (civilian contractor) and i watched good marines get dishonorably discharged yes a mistake was made but you can not hold it against the person especially when it was thier issue that got them to that point. And you should never feel let down because of what he did people change for good or worse and we all make bad decisions he just made a bad career decision. I have seen it all in the marine corps its not an easy job but i am proud that people like him step up everyday and protect our country.
Good point.
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Old 12-21-2011, 10:24 AM   #18
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And believe me those marines that are hotheads and love to fight, they are damn good to have as friends i understand what a brotherhood is when i left my job i seen that marine go the extra mile for his fellow marine. Its hard to explain or understand but a friend like that is awesome to have.
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Old 12-21-2011, 10:46 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DEEVON911 View Post
I can understand that situation. That to me is self defence. This was a 1 on 1 fight. Infact the other guy prob never had a chance. He decided to pick up the brick while the guy was down. Not to defend himself, that would be different, I agree.

Thats a whole different story. Same page gotcha.
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Old 12-21-2011, 02:26 PM   #20
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Not to sound like a total asshat here, but are you sure he was Dishonorably Discharged? I can't remember that last time someone was given a DD for just being AWOL.

Unless there were other issues involved other than being AWOL, my bet would be that he received a General Discharge under Other than Honorable Conditions. DDs are not given out lightly because of the lifelong stigma (not that going AWOL is a good thing).

Not everyone makes good or mature decisions - and we all have to pay for the decisions we make, whether it means getting discharged, losing friends, a job, etc. But, I'm a big believer in the total person concept. While there are certain "lines in the sand" that I won't forgive, I tend to look at how peole learn from the mistakes they make and grow from them.

Just my own $.02.
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