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Old 01-06-2012, 05:02 PM   #1
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question for someone in the military....

So....I was in the Army but as far as this question goes I can't answer it. My buddy is going through a hard time right now. He's AGR in the Army Guard and his wife moved out about a month ago because she doesn't know what she wants and she wants to be independent....yet she moves in with her parents....shes a b****. Anyways....she has been stringing him along for a month now and he told her she has till the 15th to come home or he is filing for divorce. Well....he has been working his ass off to try and get her back home. He started going to another counseling service and continues to go to couples counseling even though she won't. She stopped wearing her wedding band (which broke his heart) he continues to pay all her bills....he even got on medication for the anger issues she claims he has. The only reason I see that he gets angry is because she constantly belittles him, makes smart remarks and doesn't respect him...and he acts out because he tries to force it. BTW....she just turned 21 and they just had a child and she leaves the baby with her trash parents. Her dad broke into his house (he didn't issue a warrant because as he said, "it's my babies grandfather and I don't want to mess things up) after he changed the locks and messed with a lot of stuff. They came over while he was at work and cleaned out the house, all the baby stuff, all the bedroom stuff. My buddy is doing all he can to keep his family together and she keeps trying to set him off. She even told him that she is perfect and has no flaws...I mean WTF...no one is. So....he is fed up now. They were supposed to go out to eat tonight but he had to work late and instead of waiting on him, she texts him and tells him if he is going to stay at work then they will just go somewhere later (meaning he can't see his little girl because her parents hate him and might do something if he goes onto their property) and then...even though she is "independent" now...she hit him up for money so she can go party with a friend and he refused because she won't do anything with him and she is pawning off their daughter again to go drink. Sorry it's so long but I had to give the details. I hate my buddy is going through all this shit. I have not liked this woman since day one. I was supposed to be the best man at their wedding. She called to get my work schedule so she could plan the wedding day. I gave it to her and she purposely scheduled the wedding on a day I wasn't home. I've been best friends with this guy for 10 years! I despise her....she's pure evil.

So...now for the question. He is worried that she is going to call his boss and tell him that he won't give her any money. Can she do this, and what can the military do? Keep in mind...she left on her own, has a job now with 0 bills and they are still married...not even legally separated.
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Old 01-06-2012, 05:07 PM   #2
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Your buddy needs to go to talk his boss- Get out ahead of the situation. Cause she CAN his command and tell them whatever she wants. They will then have to investigate and work thru all the BS.
It sounds like it should be pretty clear cut- but you don't want to get called into the office and hit with her side and have to defend against it....Get out ahead of it and be ready to help your buddy- Sounds like he married an immature idiot and is on the way to a divorce.
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Old 01-06-2012, 05:15 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nmcqueen280 View Post
holy hell thats a terrible story i cant believe somebody would do that
X2 that f'ed up
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Old 01-06-2012, 05:17 PM   #4
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Like Brunes said, he needs to talk to his boss NOW. She can cause all kind of trouble. They need the info first.

He also needs to go see a lawyer and make everything legal. Visitation, etc. She's too immature and selfish to keep her word.
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Old 01-07-2012, 08:10 AM   #6
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Brunes comments are spot on. While the military requires its members to support their legal dependents, most commands will not tolerate a member being abused and someone taking advantage of this requirement. So, like Brunes stated, the member needs to keep his command informed of everything, and document, document, document. Write down everything that occurs (who, what, when, where, whys, etc) and whom he told. This may save his ass someday.

This guy also needs to get some good solid legal advice--preferably from a prior service JAG in private practice now (but not those any of those cons that work right outside the post gates)--ASAP.

Best of luck to your buddy.
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Old 01-07-2012, 08:31 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brunes View Post
Your buddy needs to go to talk his boss- Get out ahead of the situation. Cause she CAN his command and tell them whatever she wants. They will then have to investigate and work thru all the BS.
It sounds like it should be pretty clear cut- but you don't want to get called into the office and hit with her side and have to defend against it....Get out ahead of it and be ready to help your buddy- Sounds like he married an immature idiot and is on the way to a divorce.
What Brunes said! .... he needs to run (not walk) with his supervisor to the First Sergeant immediately. Definitely need to get in front of it. Get his story documented before she and her family start with the lies; that way they'll be better prepared to sort through the BS. Chain of Command never likes to be blind sided. Plus, they'll probably be able to open up resources to help him through this.

Sorry for your friend ... be there for him ... because he's gonna need you!
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Old 01-28-2012, 12:12 PM   #8
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Having been a Commander and dealt with some of this stuff, I hope I'm not too late.

Yes, like others said, go tell him to see his First Sergeant and Commander. He must support his dependents by regulation, however, the amount is NOT the BAH. It is actually a BAH differential. Every Commander has access to JAG and they can tell your friend exactly what he must pay her and the child. It will vary based upon rank, BAH, number of dependents, etc. Then he should get it sent to her account in an allotment. This protects him. It will automatically transfer the funds so that there is never her complaining he did not pay her. All the command has to do is check his LES.

As for a more permanent solution, he needs to figure that out with his spouse if they are going forward. But above is all he should need to do to provide support. I would also declare a legal separation to make it official.

Shoot me a PM if you need some more info.
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Old 01-28-2012, 12:26 PM   #9
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I'm going to go along with what Bruns said. Get his story out there to his command before she can mess things up more than what they are. SHe sounds like a heartless b***h and does not deserve what he has already done for her. We take care of our own no matter what branch so as soon as he can let them know his higher ups will take care of it.
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Old 01-28-2012, 12:51 PM   #10
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As a former commander, I would suggest your buddy get advice from a JAG officer in his chain of command, removed her from all military benefits (DEERS, Comm., PX, etc. privileges), keep his commander informed, and seek child custody. Your description of the 21 year old girl sounds like she is unstable to carry a true marriage.

Good luck to your friend.
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