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Old 02-16-2012, 05:31 PM   #1
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relationship question for soldiers

ok so back in september i had a dead beat life. i decided to join the army to make something of my self, and be apart of something that is needed. i had been single for 4 years and wast expecting a relation ship. did have a problem leaving my family and was ready to go. so i enlisted. ship date to basic wasnt till april 24 of 2012. i started working as a farm hand to pass the time untill i leave and make a little cash. well recently i had a women come into my life that i feel is damn near perfect. we havnt been seeing eachother long, but i dont have a doubt in my mind that we could be in a very long relationship. i cant even believe i am saying this but its possible she could even be the one. How do relationships work out in the military? what are something i can do to not have to break it off with just because im leaving for a while? any advice?
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Old 02-16-2012, 05:37 PM   #2
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Old 02-16-2012, 05:40 PM   #3
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If its meant to be your really not in control
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Old 02-16-2012, 05:42 PM   #4
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Think the breaking it off is a case by case basis. I do see a ton of very young couples here on Post and the drama is off the charts at times. It's safe to say some of these couples are on their own for the first time, with the addition of deployments and throw in young kids and some just can't handle it.
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Old 02-16-2012, 05:43 PM   #5
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I would have to say for me the girls didn't stick around much especially being deployed to iraq. But if the girl really digs you then she will prob stay it just all depend on the girl and the situation but from my experiences i couldn't keep a relationship going
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Old 02-16-2012, 05:51 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by cball917 View Post
If its meant to be your really not in control
i guess so

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Originally Posted by AlphaEcho2k5 View Post
Think the breaking it off is a case by case basis. I do see a ton of very young couples here on Post and the drama is off the charts at times. It's safe to say some of these couples are on their own for the first time, with the addition of deployments and throw in young kids and some just can't handle it.
im a very faithfull person. i cant see how people cheat on there significant other like some do
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I would have to say for me the girls didn't stick around much especially being deployed to iraq. But if the girl really digs you then she will prob stay it just all depend on the girl and the situation but from my experiences i couldn't keep a relationship going
im gonna talk to her about bout but probably not till i get close to leaving
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Old 02-16-2012, 05:57 PM   #7
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Send lots of letters man. Thats all I can say. I went to basic when i was 18 fresh out of school and me and my now wife kept up with talking. When i was in iraq from may-december we talked a lot. There are a lot of bumps in the road because of distance, but if you guys want it to work out it will.
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Old 02-16-2012, 06:00 PM   #8
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First off, don't jump the gun and get married just cause you're leaving. Enjoy yourself but get through Basic and AIT before commiting to something. The military will change you. And she may not like the new you. If she's the "one", it'll be worth the wait.

Personally, I've been married 10 yrs of my 12 yrs in the military. Living overseas, deployments, and tons of TDY's she has stuck w/ me for some reason. LOL. So whatever it's worth, good luck.
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Old 02-16-2012, 06:04 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by rhewins13 View Post
Send lots of letters man. Thats all I can say. I went to basic when i was 18 fresh out of school and me and my now wife kept up with talking. When i was in iraq from may-december we talked a lot. There are a lot of bumps in the road because of distance, but if you guys want it to work out it will.
glad to hear someone has done it and made it through.
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First off, don't jump the gun and get married just cause you're leaving. Enjoy yourself but get through Basic and AIT before commiting to something. The military will change you. And she may not like the new you. If she's the "one", it'll be worth the wait.

Personally, I've been married 10 yrs of my 12 yrs in the military. Living overseas, deployments, and tons of TDY's she has stuck w/ me for some reason. LOL. So whatever it's worth, good luck.
good to hear....you must be packin some heat i definatly wont be getting married before i leave LOL i want her to finish school anyways
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Old 02-16-2012, 06:07 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Idaholandho View Post
My wife in Navy, Me USMC. We spent the early ears apart and it was tough but was it worth it in the end. We have raised a great fam and are together now after a couple deploys.
Dont try to compare others relationships to see if yours will work. Military relationships are tough and require extra (if you will) commitment no matter if there is a deployment or not.
Those of us in the suck have seen a number of "Dear John" letters and they arent easy. Dont pressure yourself or hers for that matter - Enjoy the Military exp. and your time in, it will be worth it if you make the best of it you will NOT regret it!
GOOD LUCK
i think that if we do make it through basic and ait together than we would be a stronger couple than most our age.
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Old 02-16-2012, 06:50 PM   #11
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You're going as a 35F? Nice,
Don't sweat it bro, 35F aint a bad job, if you get to an intell unit, it be like a 9-5 job.
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Old 02-16-2012, 09:13 PM   #12
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All depends where you go and what you do. Don't take this next part the wrong way... I was with my high school sweetheart for 6 years planned to be married and everything once i got back from my first deployment (now on #2) and she just couldn't handle the distance of me being away.
Some women just aren't built for the military life, some are. You just have to find more stuff about her out and figure it out from there. But hey any girl that says she'll stick by you in your career, she's a keeper
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Old 02-17-2012, 12:32 AM   #13
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Met my wife in 1987, married her in 1995 (I had some growing up to do!) She stuck with me through over 7 YEARS of separations (Deployments, Geo- Baching, etc.) and managed not to strangle my dumb ass when I was home; we've been together going on 17 years, 2 kids, and more dogs/cats/rats/rabbits/fish than I can count (Yes, RATS; we had a pair of fancy rats that were the most affectionate critters we ever owned!)

1) Write lots of letters. Real ones, on paper, mailed with a stamp (at least until the USPS tanks...)

2) Hold off on marriage until at least one deployment, preferably two...if she stays faithful to you, and you to her through that, then ring a ding ding, get the wedding ring.

3) DO NOT EVER TAKE THE JOB FRUSTRATIONS OUT ON HER! IF you get hitched while in the service, she has the toughest job...she gets to be mommy and daddy to the kids, while you are off "playing in the sand" on deployment (my wife's comment on it!)

4)Make sure she has some GOOD friends around to talk to/socialize with when you go on deployment after you're married...not the GI Issue "Gossiping Whores" that somehow seem to crop up everywhere. They (The WESTPAC Widows Club; Navy guys know of whom I speak!) will cause you more strife in your marriage than anything else. You could always tell who they are; as soon as the boat/squadrons left, they were in the club, scouting a new "ride" for the duration.

Without kids for the first couple of years, she will need something to do to keep her sane, a hobby, a job, school, SOMETHING! If she sits around the house doing nothing, she will get depressed, then start to wonder...and then will either have a breakdown, or start banging Jody.

Lastly---keep your stuff zipped. Respect your vows, or if your not of that stripe, then think on this: What happens on det may stay on det, but sometimes has a habit of hitching a ride home on your johnson, and there's a lot of crap out there that will kill you slow.
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Old 02-17-2012, 12:42 AM   #14
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I've seen multiple young Marines meet a girl, "fall in love" and get married before they've spent any decent amount of time together. My suggestion to you is keep dating her, but if you do think she could be the one, DO NOT get married before your first deployment. Alot of things change during that time. Wait and see how she handles it. If y'all are still together after your first deployment, then chances are she'll do just fine.

Women are a strange bunch. Many of them like military men, but many also don't want that kind of lifestyle. I wish you and your new lady friend the best.
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Old 02-17-2012, 06:04 AM   #16
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Jarhead isn't the most accurate depiction of the Corps. 90% of the guys I know all think it was crap. Just throwing that out there.
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Old 02-18-2012, 12:00 PM   #17
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Thanks for all the solid advice guy.....means a lot
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Old 02-18-2012, 03:58 PM   #18
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Jarhead isn't the most accurate depiction of the Corps. 90% of the guys I know all think it was crap. Just throwing that out there.
Yeah I wouldn't want to associate myself with that movie either...

I do think the relationship examples in that movie show what happens to a lot of relationships while serving. People who swore nothing would ever come between them slowly drift apart. It happens when two people never get to see each other. I saw that from personal experience. Plus I have more stories than I can count of guys that they got caught cheating or got cheated on while we were deployed. Like I said though, It really comes down to how much both people want to maintain the relationship. It's hard for a relationship anywhere. 50% end in divorce. Add to that the stress that military life puts on a relationship and it becomes even harder.
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Old 02-18-2012, 04:17 PM   #19
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I've been married (to the same woman) for going on 11 years and in the Army for the same time. 2 tours to Iraq, 15 and 16 months. Afghanistan coming up in June. Got 2 kids and a (f'ing) cat.

Its all about how you and her see the relationship. It can and will be hard, but its not the Army or deployments that will ruin relationships. It will always be you or her and the effort put in.

Don't marry because you are going to basic or deploying. Being committed means something, no matter what you are facing. Then you will know she is right for it.

Also, do not sugar coat what you are going to do and army life. I've heard and seen alot of the horror stories, but many of them are blown out of proportion and exagerrated. Some are true. But there are also many strong relationships and families out there.

Lastly, good luck and work hard at it every day.
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Old 02-18-2012, 04:33 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by davestaco View Post
ok so back in september i had a dead beat life. i decided to join the army to make something of my self, and be apart of something that is needed. i had been single for 4 years and wast expecting a relation ship. did have a problem leaving my family and was ready to go. so i enlisted. ship date to basic wasnt till april 24 of 2012. i started working as a farm hand to pass the time untill i leave and make a little cash. well recently i had a women come into my life that i feel is damn near perfect. we havnt been seeing eachother long, but i dont have a doubt in my mind that we could be in a very long relationship. i cant even believe i am saying this but its possible she could even be the one. How do relationships work out in the military? what are something i can do to not have to break it off with just because im leaving for a while? any advice?
My relationship worked out fine. Just make sure it she is the one man. I have many of friends in the army still ( ive been out for a year) and they have been married more than twice, Hell my brother is 21 and he is still in and has been married twice. So, if you are going to do it, make sure you talk with your NCO, and then he should forward it up to your CO. You will be counseled(Lifestyle change). and id recommend meeting with your chaplain. and set up a pre married counseling session with him or her and see if its really wat u want. I learned from my chaplain. And he had helped me save alot of headache. If your unit supports you, then they will support you even IF it goes south. Good luck man, and Just remember, YOUR UNIT IS YOUR FAMILY
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