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Problems readjusting after deployment

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Old 10-10-2012, 03:21 AM   #1
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Problems readjusting after deployment

I just got back from Afghanistan last month and I'm just having some problems adjusting. This was not my first deployment, it was actually my fourth but this time has been the toughest for me to get my head back into the civilian world. I left with a girlfriend of 8 years who lived with me and that didn't work out since I wasn't the best of boyfriends while I was gone. She's been through a couple deployments before with me but it's tough on her because I tend to take the stress out on her at times when I am gone. So I understand her leaving and needing to get away. We had a good run and deep down I hope we have another run at it someday. So now I find myself alone with way too much time on my hands to think about things.

Anyway, so I have that going on which adds to the stress of trying to readjust. I know I need to get out of the house and do things to get my mind on life and away from the deployment and my ex. But, for the life of me I can't bring myself to leave the damn house. I've become like a hermit. I don't even get my mail until it's like 3am and even then I have to drag myself out to do it. My friends want to hang out and stuff but I really just have no desire so I make up excuses. I really just don't know how to get out of this slump. She was kind of always the one who would get me to go out and do things and live a little. Now without her here, I just find myself trying to relive the deployment and not leave the house if that makes any sense at all.

My friends try and I feel like a total douche for not wanting to do things with them but the few times I have hung out since I've been back, all I wanted to do the whole time was go home. I guess I'm just looking for a little insight from some other vets who might have had the same problem.
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Old 10-10-2012, 04:02 AM   #2
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Dude, you have been through a LOT. The stress of combat, deployment, re-deployment, getting shipped home, long-distance relationships, etc. Hunkering-down in a "safe" location and isolating yourself is one easy way to simplify the thousands of things running through your noggin.

My suggestion would be to take things slowly. If you feel better at home, that's fine. Invite a friend or two over for a beer and a burger. I'm not talking a big party...just a close friend or two to watch tv and chat. Slowly expand from there to meeting at places near your home. Then their homes etc. Keep the visits short at first and expand on time as you go.

You can keep in contact with your friends and family via the phone, e-mail, texts, skype etc. all from home. If they or your ex seem to be pushing you at all you can tell them you have been through hell and need time to process it all.

You will be back out there. Just take your time. There is no need to be the life of the party straight out of a combat zone. My brother returned from 3 tours in Iraq, and 1 in Afghanistan and it's taken him about 2 years to settle-in, and not hit the dirt if a car backfires. You'll get there eleven bravo.
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Old 10-10-2012, 04:16 AM   #3
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Hey man,

I had some similar problems after my 2nd deployment and just kind of felt "not right"
I tried the same things you are mentioning, I was like a hermit myself..I was also in the middle of my career going down hill because I had gone through an IED and I needed multiple hip surgeries. I pretty much felt like I was having an identity crisis. I knew something had to change.

I went and visited the Deployment Health Care center and started talking to someone about three times a week. It made me feel kind of crazy because I never had issues that I couldn't resolve before. But I will tell you after a couple months of having someone to talk to on a regular basis, that I started to come back around. Just make sure that you don't start drinking heavily because it will only slow your progress.

I too had a relationship that went downhill but it was on my first deployment, my wife started sleeping with some AF guy. That is a whole different story I am just illustrating to you I know what it feels like to be like this once you are back...also for me I think I just wanted to be back in the desert. I didn't fully adjust to civilian life for several years.

Just my .02 man,
Take Care-
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Old 10-10-2012, 04:35 AM   #4
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Thanks for your service, i hope you get everything figured out.
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Old 10-10-2012, 05:07 AM   #5
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^^ This, take it easy, talk to someone, pray (I'll be parying for you as well). Coming back home is different, it's not always the simple switch. shoot, I'm back over as a PMC, because things back home were weird. Things arent always apparent until they want to be.
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Old 10-10-2012, 05:15 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kinetik873 View Post
^^ This, take it easy, talk to someone, pray (I'll be parying for you as well). Coming back home is different, it's not always the simple switch. shoot, I'm back over as a PMC, because things back home were weird. Things arent always apparent until they want to be.


I am as well, I have been a contractor since I got out in 08' I could adjust but I wanted to still contribute to the fight, and I feel safer here than at home...
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Old 10-10-2012, 07:44 AM   #7
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Talk to someone, try ONE SOURCE. Make yourself try some of the things you used to enjoy. I have lived pretty much as a hermit since 06. It does take its toll on your relationships. Mostly it beats the hell out of you. Find someone you really trust and talk to them. Hell, some people even find it easier to talk to a stranger. Don't get hung up on being a totally different person than you were 2 or 3 years ago. Learn to accept/like who are are now. It took me 6 years and a good Dr. at the VA. Don't get hung up on what you could have done, it happened, let it roll on by. It does get better you just have to make the effort and start talking to someone. If you want PM me and I can be a sounding board.
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Old 10-10-2012, 07:46 AM   #8
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Best advice is to seek help. Thanks for your service
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Old 10-10-2012, 07:52 AM   #9
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Find someone to talk to. My brother did a tour over there and had difficulties with the same. The hardest part is to focus your thoughts on good stuff. Alot of uglyness in war and all. Reading Newspapers really helps your brain get back in touch with the World again. Religion helps take the focus off of yourself and the need to be "safe" all the time.. Good luck bro! God Bless and keep you well.

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Old 10-10-2012, 08:02 AM   #10
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Thank you for your service man. Not much that I can add other than to reiterate that you probably can't do this alone and you are not alone. Some kind of talk therapy can be a huge help here. It doesn't mean you're crazy, not at all. But readjusting from where you have been to where you are is a lot on anyone's plate. That you reached out to us is a little step, or baby steps as they say. We may be just a bunch of truck knuckleheads but there is a whole bunch of active and vets on here and probably a lot of guys who would totally understand what you are dealing with. That your GF split really doesn't help and makes it worse and it's going to take some time to heal that wound. seek out some talk therapy, take it slow, one day at a time, be good to yourself, don't dwell on the defeats and take time to appreciate the little victories. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
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Old 10-10-2012, 08:04 AM   #11
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This is the first step! TW members and this forum.... With everyday drama this world can be hard. I can't even begin to inmangine what you are feeling with the break up and world change over and over again. Start wrenching on the taco and come join some meets!
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Old 10-10-2012, 04:35 PM   #12
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Thank you for all you have done.

I have never served so can't imagine the stuff you seen and did. But I wanted to say something.

Be proud and strong!! you served three tours in hell and made it home. No body will think less of you for seeking help. If they do FU** them. You are a hero. And an American solider. I am proud of you and I don't even know you. Stay strong, stay frosty. You will be okay. If ya need to chat hit me up.

Read few articles and they say a dog can really help. Maybe something to look into.
A neighbor of mine served few years over there and he took up mountain biking and rock climbing.
Talk to someone get some help and find new hobby.

Best of luck to ya bud. Via con dios my friend
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Old 10-10-2012, 04:46 PM   #13
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Hey man! I just got home from Afghanistan back in august myself... I know a lot of my guys had a rough time as you did with gf issues and break ups and so on... They would more so isolate themselvs from the platoon and not go to chow or anything even after some of our long ass missions.. It sucks i know! I wasnt a fobbit sitting around on the fob all day sucking down green beans and eating up bandwidth all day i was out there clearing the routes and taking the hits so others could get their job done and not worry about getting blown the fuck up! Anyhow... I know a lot of the guys that had issues went to the stress management head docs and talked it out with them... Your situation sounds more like a case of ptsd to me and i highly recommened going and seeking help just to talk and get things off your chest and mind... anyhow if ya need someone to converse with your welcome to pm me any time! Im always willing to help out a brother.
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Old 10-10-2012, 05:58 PM   #14
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Thanks for the advice so far guys. I think I might really have to go seek out some help this time. I just can't seem to shake it this time and my sleep habits are all jacked up. I appreciate you guys giving me some sound advice. I did some research and found that there is a Vet Center not too far from me and I think I am going to take a drive out there tomorrow and see what they think. I really don't like being like this and just want to snap out of it.
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Old 10-10-2012, 06:06 PM   #15
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I would strongly urge you to take the trip to the local VA. My finace works with Veterans, just like yourself, who are going through the same thing you are experiencing. She deals with older Vets from past wars also but regularly sees very young men having trouble adapting to their new life style. The people who work at the VA centers are there to help, not judge. The worst thing you can do is nothing.

Also, just throwing it out there, but some of the VAs have programs where they are pairing Veterans with pets. Not saying you should get a service animal but getting a pet on your own can really help.

Thank you for your service and I really hope everything works out for you!
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Old 10-10-2012, 06:20 PM   #16
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First, thank you for your service. I know you hear that a lot, but you should- without honorable folks such as yourself standing up for our country, we wouldn't be here. We owe you our lives and happiness.
Second, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to leave home. It always takes time to re-adjust. Just take it easy, do things you enjoy. You don't have to leave your house if you don't want to.
It always helps to pick up a hobby to focus on- or as some above have suggested, get a pet. Having a cat or dog around will do wonders for you.
Keep in touch, bud. Let us know how you are doing. If you need anything, I'm always here.
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Old 10-10-2012, 06:27 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1ugly baby View Post
Talk to someone, try ONE SOURCE..

Military One Source is awesome. They pay for off base therapist/counselors for whatever you need help with in your life. Give them a call. Believe or not, what your going through is normal now-a-days. Especially with so many soldiers deploying. So don't be afraid to seek help.
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Old 10-11-2012, 06:53 PM   #19
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All good advice above. Some of the best would be seek professional help. They know exactly what to do and have lots of resources at their disposal. A few of my buddies had a slow time adjusting to life back in the states and One Source helped get them back to 100% quicker than if they had tried to go at it alone.

Let me know if you need anything.
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:41 AM   #20
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From a old dog , time is now to ask for help... Also get out of the house go out with some old pals and have some fun. Dont get in the dumps about life. Every day you get is a good one. The kids of my day had a mess on our hands. When I came home alot of my so called pals wanted nothing to do with me. Glad now as the few that were ok and stood by me, still are. Not kicking you in the ass but you got to open the door and say fuck you world here I come. Get to the VA and ask for help, nothing will be as bad as doing nothing... GL to you young man & thanks for standing up for the USA................... Jim
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