7 year itch

Going in 7 years married end of this month....

7 year itch? Is it for real? Any tips to survive? Definitely still a man, but definitely don't want to raise my son having a poor excuse for a father..

Don't know exactly where to post this, so here it goes..

Try to keep the funny comments out, trying to get some real insight..

Thanks..

 

It's not real ... unless you want to make it real. That you ask brings up the question ... are you having doubts? And what brought on the "poor excuse for a father" comment?

PS ... married 14 years this May

 

Not real...

PS...married 10 yrs this Sept

 

People keep mentioning "the 7 year itch..." makes you wonder if I should be preparing myself for something..

No doubts, but I do work a bunch, and have the ebb and flow of mods with the truck.. Don't think so, but is that a replacement behavior?

Poor excuse for a father comment was that I am raising up a little boy.. my actions now will affect the man that he will become.. I want him to want to be like me.. not opposite of me.... I do remember growing up, driving around with me dad having the "eyes that were locked in, neck turning to the side and all", as we drove past an attractive girl/woman..

Even that, don't want him growing up with as an example..

 

The "itch" comes on at different times for a lot of men--some never--then again, some may never admit it openly. I've been married for ten years myself (I also have a Masters in Psychology, specializing in counseling) and your feelings are natural, as well as your concern for your son's emulation of your behavior. I would suggest (and only a suggestion) that you try to spend some dedicated time reminding yourself what you saw in your wife that drove you to marriage. It's difficult sometimes, especially after living the routine, and albeit mundane, life most married couples endure.

Remind yourself of those qualities you love about your wife and find some way to recognize and remind HER that you still recognize and appreciate them. Ignore her faults... we all have them. Find the positive and dwell on that.

Sometimes us guys need to re-introduce ourselves to our other halves to re-energize that spark. Look for ways for your wife and you to strengthen your relationship. A simple love note goes a long way at opening up avenues of communication. No need to go overboard here--what was it that made her fall in love with you? Those little thoughtful gestures so wonders. Be the aggressor--it's the natural male role, and your wife may be waiting for you to make the first move if your relationship is at an impasse. Effectively, take control of loving her. BTW, this is very common among married men and I think you are right and mature of you to ask for advice.

Regarding your son, yes, the sins of the father may indeed be felt by the son, but I think you are right to question your behaviors at this point. I wouldn't be too worried about him imitating you in a negative way.

Sorry for being so verbose but you asked for advice. Good luck.

 

I should add, we are free will beings. You can completely control your behavior while your son is present. Take control of that too.

Again, best of luck.

 

I get the 7 month itch with every girlfriend... its just depends... I can't keep a relationship for much longer these days I get a bit antsy when everything gets so serious. Its tough when you're married... I was married and apparently she got the 2 year itch and fucked around... now I'm a little gun shy when it comes to commitment. Just take it slow, and if you truly have an itch and its a BIG itch... then maybe you shouldn't be married regardless of having a child... why make everyone miserable? If you're miserable...she will be miserable... and so will your kiddo

 

Let me burst your bubble a bit. Your kid will see you do inappropriate things. You're human. We're imperfect. It's okay. Believe me, you will fuck up. However, that you care about the example you set, speaks volumes about your character. I applaud you for that. In the end, you do the best you can with what you got, and you leave the rest up to grace. And when you do fall down, you get back up and teach your kid what it means to be honest, and to take responsibility for the choices we make.

As for "The 7 Year Itch", it's actually the title of a 1950s movie starring Marilyn Monroe. In reality, there's no set timeframe. What the "itch" refers to psychologically, however, is real .. and that is the inevitable reevaluation of the relationship that we all go through at least (and for most of us) more than once. There will be times you feel overwhelmed. There will be times life will grow routine, mundane.

For a lot of guys, a reevaluation happens when the fires cool, and the sex isn't so hot anymore. That often happens when a child enters the relationship. And it can be a big problem IF you confuse sex and love. Because sex will come and go. What matters so very much more is cultivating intimacy. Connection. Communication. A life that you share. Memories. That's the good stuff.

It's okay to have your hobbies and your alone time. It's okay that she has her's. Don't feel bad about that ... it's actually healthy. That is as long as it's not avoidance behavior. Also when guys like us have expensive hobbies like modding trucks, it's important to remember that money is a major stressor in relationships. Communication is key.

But I gotta tell you brother ... that you are asking these things ... that you are wondering if there is something that you should prepare yourself for indicates to me that you're doing just fine. It's when people don't care that I worry.

 

Very well said.

 

Back at ya.

 

I agree with all of the above, but will add that it's only human to check out a good looking member of the opposite sex. Trust me, your son will be doing PLENTY of neck bending of his own some day. As long as you are not making rude comments that would disrespect his mother, I don't see why he would think much about it...men will be men. And trust me, your wife is also checking out 'hot' guys too, but that doesn't mean she's going to jump in bed with them, as long as your relationship is strong.
Good job on the parenting skills though, I know plenty of dads who just want to be the best friend, not the father, and that only goes so far in getting their respect and teaching them how a man should be.

 

very well said..

 

I am not a father, so I have no experience from that point of view, but I do have a father who I believe raised me right.

If you're worried about how your son sees you, don't criticize every decision you make. Just make the decisions and show an example that will set your son up with the tools to be the best man he can be.

Be the best man you know YOU can be, and your son will never have a poor excuse for a father.

 

There are some wise dudes here. Good advice!

 

Its all what you make it, 7 year itch only happeneds if you make it happen.
Been married for 24 years this sept..

 

I read the title and immediately though "Ho Chi Min is a son of a bitch!"

I might have seen Full Metal Jacket a few too many times.

I don't have much at add that hasn't already been said, far better than I ever could have. Act how you would expect your child to act to another human being and he will naturally do the same. Looking back on my past experiences I now see that many of the idiosyncrasies that I have are ones that I learned from my pops.

 

It was real for the practice wife. We got married in '93 divorced in '00, after she had her boyfrind move into the practice house.


Met my current wife on 9/11/01, got married in 03. Its been awesome since.

 

Thanks all for all the good advice and the insight..

Plenty of good stuff to read in the above post. I know I have the control to act in ways that will "safeguard" me, as well as have the free will to put myself in a compromising position.

I do honestly believe also that this may be one of those "hush, hush" aspects of a man's life that may be hard for some to admit to (possibly in the same category as porography and masterbation).

My wife is definitely the complete package.... just reminded myself of that the other day.. guess the key is to never loose the mindset of that, date, do like Robert said and re-introduce the relationship, so it never gets that stale taste.

Plenty of (I feel) bad aspects that I "learned" fro my dad that I do not want to pass to my son.. road rage (glad I'm passed that now), reading on the toilet (can spend 30 mins if I wanted to reading), porn (late night HBO, videos, what have you.. internet security has been set to block all words imaginable.. to safeguard ME first)..

Son is almost turing 2, but never too late to start..

 

Never new it had to do anything with this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJgC549mpRk

 

I think you got all the advice you need here and there are some really deep and great comments coming in. Just remember you took vowes and made promises. As long as you asses the situation and question yourself that means you are aware of your flaws and willing to do the right thing.