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How to spot future brother in laws potential drug use?

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Old 01-12-2012, 06:58 PM   #1
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How to spot future brother in laws potential drug use?

So some of you may know that I let my future brother in law and his girlfriend rent a room from me.
Little background: my parents inherited the property I live on after my grandparents death. My dad runs his business (Well Drilling) from his shop in the back of the property, they don't want to sell the house because they don't want new residents to be next to the shop, all his trucks and equipment. House is paid off so I moved in with my fiance. Since we pay nearly nothing to live here, I thought I would be nice and let my fiances younger brother(19years old) and his girlfriend move in with us to let them save some money since they were living in a apartment complex.(This was my decision fiance had no influence on it). I've known her brother for years, even before his sister and I ever got together.
Brother background: Always was a good kid, semi-strict parents but not too bad. Great football player and wrestler up until his sophmore year in highschool. Had friends with good heads on their shoulders, was best friends with my little cousin. For some reason he decided he sucked at the sports he played and decided he was just going to learn to play the guitar and make money that way...he sucks at the guitar.. He got a job at Burger King while in highschool since he wasn't playing sports(parents rule to keep his car) At this point he started hanging out with people from work..nothing personal towards anyone here that works at fast food places, but atleast here it seems to be a tweakers dream job. He started smoking weed, while obviously his parents are against it but he continued.
The bad experiences:
-While still living at home, comes home late one night while his parents are watching tv, here some talking out front of their house and find him hanging passed out outside the passenger side door of his friends by his seat belt...friend was drunk.. parents called cops.. kid arrested
-DUI on his 19th birthday..DUI or wet and wreckless(I dont even think he knows what he was charged with) either way he was under 21 and blew over .0

Ok theres alot more but it's just more rambling. Anyways he's lived here two months now, and has some sketchy friends coming over, couple times a kid was high on some kind of downer (heroin, oxy who knows). While I've had buddies over theyve asked why my brother in law is acting weird. I just figured he was just nervous being around new people. But my buddy mentioned coke, i blew it off like yeah right. Then another day he mentioned it again. Again I said ya right. Finally on tuesday my buddy was back over and my brother in law walked in and started hawking up phlegm from his throat(does this often and pisses me off). My buddy says "he's got the drips"...(from coke) so my buddy goes and starts talking to him and again brother in law is acting weird, buddy comes back in the living room and says his eyes are super dilated. .. I was drunk one night and i could have SWORN my brother in law said that he has either tried heroin or does it. (but I have never noticed him acting lethargic) who knows i was drunk lol. But im tired of the awkwardness, something is going on, I told my fiance and she too has noticed weird shit. I dont want this shit in my house. If he's on shit (other then weed I can put up with that) then he needs to leave. His girlfriend is never really home so I dont know what she thinks but i know she doesn't like his friends. Honestly I want to piss test him for any drugs, if he refuses then he's hiding something. My fiance says her parents need to deal with it...yet he's 19 and doesn't live with them and they don't support him.

Obviously I made the mistake of letting him live here, I don't want to ruin a relationship with this kid. Just don't want any stupid shit going on in my house.

I've only smoked weed, and dont know the signs of any other drugs. Is there anything I should look for? And should I handle this or let his parents?

Any input is appreciated, any input other then "your a dumbass for letting her brother move in with you" I know Im a dumbass for this decision.

DONT LET FAMILY MOVE IN WITH YOU.

Any ideas?
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:14 PM   #2
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If you have known him a long time, and you notice he has been acting weird, it is probably a sign of something. He is only 19 so in a lot of ways still a child. You need to straight up have a heart-to-heart with him.. chances are if he is doing hard drugs he will get very defensive off the bat.. or something completely else could be going on and he might open up to you. If he doesn't fess up you need to lay down some rules. 1)He's not allowed to have any friends over (it may seem harsh but hey, even people that rent rooms from strangers have that stipulation). Since he is pretty much young and living in your house, it is up to you to get things done. What if he has drugs stashed in your house somewhere and the cops get a warrant and find it? Also, if you are thinking it is cocaine, it is pretty is to google signs of a coke user and compare.

You also should talk to his parents (or your fiancee should). Even though he is an adult, they might still want to know and help. Honestly, if you really want to put your foot down, tell him he needs to drug test and pass, or get out. It might ruin your relationship with him, but I would rather have a famiy member getting help and hating me, than enabling him and letting him go down a road he might not be able to come back from.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:15 PM   #3
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Ok. If you are aware that he IS on drugs you realize you're putting yourself and your future wife at risk correct? If he's dealing out of the house it's prone to be burglarized and of could get ugly if someone is home.

Personally, I'm not ok with drugs. Weed, downers, coke etc. never done it and I don't condone it. Usually your gut feeling is right. If it were me, I'd confront him on it and toss him on his ass. Nice? No. But, saving your items from being taken to be sold or having yourself or ur future wife be harmed isn't worth it over saving a few extra bucks a month.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:21 PM   #4
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Do you have any type of lease, or just a verbal agreement? He may have some rights, a good buddy of mine own some properties, and talks about how hard it is to evict tenants.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:24 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jasmine View Post
If you have known him a long time, and you notice he has been acting weird, it is probably a sign of something. He is only 19 so in a lot of ways still a child. You need to straight up have a heart-to-heart with him.. chances are if he is doing hard drugs he will get very defensive off the bat.. or something completely else could be going on and he might open up to you. If he doesn't fess up you need to lay down some rules. 1)He's not allowed to have any friends over (it may seem harsh but hey, even people that rent rooms from strangers have that stipulation). Since he is pretty much young and living in your house, it is up to you to get things done. What if he has drugs stashed in your house somewhere and the cops get a warrant and find it? Also, if you are thinking it is cocaine, it is pretty is to google signs of a coke user and compare.

You also should talk to his parents (or your fiancee should). Even though he is an adult, they might still want to know and help. Honestly, if you really want to put your foot down, tell him he needs to drug test and pass, or get out. It might ruin your relationship with him, but I would rather have a famiy member getting help and hating me, than enabling him and letting him go down a road he might not be able to come back from.
I have friends, and my dad who has done coke and they have told me things to look for and the symptoms add up:
-Loss of weight(he swears up and down its from having to walk to work..and working at subway according to him has made him healthy) Yet he honestly eats fastfood for every meal
-Constant phlegm he's hacking up
-I think one time he said something about having a deviated septum but said it was from something hitting him under his nose?
-Constantly seems have a lot of energy. then seems like crashes maybe?

my fiance just texted me and said she talked to her parents about it and they were going to talk to him, he isn't home so either hes at work or at his parents or getting high? Either way im sure he'll be all pissed off when he gets home. I told my fiance if he's on drugs he can't live here, no 2nd chance, 2nd chance just lets him know we know and hes just going to try and hide it. I have known him for a long time, but i guess i never really noticed a change till he moved in.

Also I confronted him about his friends and how he should look at maybe other jobs, he got defensive and really paranoid. I came to the conclusion maybe he was on mushrooms, in which he said he hadn't done them in a while.(could have been a lie). basically it got into a bad arguement and almost got physical. I called his dad over to talk to him but nothing never really happened. I just told his dad what was going on and went to bed. The next morning he acted like nothing happend.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:26 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by t4daddy View Post
Do you have any type of lease, or just a verbal agreement? He may have some rights, a good buddy of mine own some properties, and talks about how hard it is to evict tenants.
THIS^ is what is going to save me, no there is no verbal agreement or any lease. I did this on purpose, because a guy I work with told me about a woman he was dating and when they broke up he let her stay in the other room because she didn't have anywhere to go, but he made a lease and had a tough time getting a eviction notice for her. So there is NOTHING that protects him from being kicked out.. atleast I dont think so. I mean I'm more than happy to give him this months rent back and call it good.

EDIT:.. But I'll do some googling
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:28 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by sean266 View Post
Ok. If you are aware that he IS on drugs you realize you're putting yourself and your future wife at risk correct? If he's dealing out of the house it's prone to be burglarized and of could get ugly if someone is home.

Personally, I'm not ok with drugs. Weed, downers, coke etc. never done it and I don't condone it. Usually your gut feeling is right. If it were me, I'd confront him on it and toss him on his ass. Nice? No. But, saving your items from being taken to be sold or having yourself or ur future wife be harmed isn't worth it over saving a few extra bucks a month.
At this point im not trying to be a nice guy, I do have a gut feeling, and my buddies have told me it seems suspicious. Personally Im not okay with drugs. I dont do any, I guess I've become more tolerant of weed because of where I live and pretty much everyone does it...Not saying that it's a good thing
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:32 PM   #8
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The nose thing is a big sign. Had a good friend doing coke and his drips were pretty bad, lots of energy, skinny, occasionally got pretty paranoid. He's in jail right now.

You guys definitely have to deal with it now, and harshly, or he won't ever get it. Then he'll be like my brother who disappeared the day after Thanksgiving, started breaking into the house and stealing things and my parents eventually had to file a trespassing report against him. Haven't seem him still. This was after a longtime of kicking him out/letting him back in when he had a job and needed somewhere to stay, quite a few arrests but no jail time, a 5150 call and suicide watch, and finally going to a psych/rehab. Just when we thought he was doing better (as he also had some mental issues and was starting to be medicated) he got worse. You don't want to go through all that!
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:34 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jdickey03 View Post
THIS^ is what is going to save me, no there is no verbal agreement or any lease. I did this on purpose, because a guy I work with told me about a woman he was dating and when they broke up he let her stay in the other room because she didn't have anywhere to go, but he made a lease and had a tough time getting a eviction notice for her. So there is NOTHING that protects him from being kicked out.. atleast I dont think so. I mean I'm more than happy to give him this months rent back and call it good.

EDIT:.. But I'll do some googling
Technically in CA, if he can prove he's living there you have to give 30 days notice. Idk how it is though since he's blood family to your fiancee. I doubt he will fight you on it if you did kick him out though. If it comes to that, make sure you change the locks.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:37 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Jasmine View Post
The nose thing is a big sign. Had a good friend doing coke and his drips were pretty bad, lots of energy, skinny, occasionally got pretty paranoid. He's in jail right now.

You guys definitely have to deal with it now, and harshly, or he won't ever get it. Then he'll be like my brother who disappeared the day after Thanksgiving, started breaking into the house and stealing things and my parents eventually had to file a trespassing report against him. Haven't seem him still. This was after a longtime of kicking him out/letting him back in when he had a job and needed somewhere to stay, quite a few arrests but no jail time, a 5150 call and suicide watch, and finally going to a psych/rehab. Just when we thought he was doing better (as he also had some mental issues and was starting to be medicated) he got worse. You don't want to go through all that!
Yeah the shitty thing is I dont know if he was just BSin' or what. Although why would he lie about it?
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:38 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by jdickey03 View Post
At this point im not trying to be a nice guy, I do have a gut feeling, and my buddies have told me it seems suspicious. Personally Im not okay with drugs. I dont do any, I guess I've become more tolerant of weed because of where I live and pretty much everyone does it...Not saying that it's a good thing
If you're tolerant of some, how do you draw the line for someone else who's into more?
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:41 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Jasmine View Post
Technically in CA, if he can prove he's living there you have to give 30 days notice. Idk how it is though since he's blood family to your fiancee. I doubt he will fight you on it if you did kick him out though. If it comes to that, make sure you change the locks.
I'm still looking for "Non lease/ verbal agreement" California laws, but I think he's too stupid to know his rights. Definately locks would be changed.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:42 PM   #13
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Hes a adult, i wouldnt care if he does shit outside the house, but if he brings it in your house or comes home fried than its game over, just my opinion.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:42 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by elmo7 View Post
If you're tolerant of some, how do you draw the line for someone else who's into more?
This isn't a conversation of the differences between drugs. Some people do smoke weed, some don't, some don't and don't mind if others do. We're not gonna have another political conversation about it where no one will change their stance.. so let's not even start yeah?
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:43 PM   #15
MPG? LOL
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Have u seen "Puncture"? It's based off a true story and the main actor is a coke addict...or at least was until he suffered a heart attack and died.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:45 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by elmo7 View Post
If you're tolerant of some, how do you draw the line for someone else who's into more?
Unfortunately I really don't know how to answer this. I guess i've just heard about the damages these other drugs have done to people, compared to weed. I guess maybe i'm more tolerant of it because I know many people who do it and never have seen anything really changes them like other drugs do.? i dont know..
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:46 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by jdickey03 View Post
Unfortunately I really don't know how to answer this. I guess i've just heard about the damages these other drugs have done to people, compared to weed. I guess maybe i'm more tolerant of it because I know many people who do it and never have seen anything really changes them like other drugs do.? i dont know..
I can see your perspective also based on the county you live in
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:47 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Oat View Post
Hes a adult, i wouldnt care if he does shit outside the house, but if he brings it in your house or comes home fried than its game over, just my opinion.
I understand he's an adult and he can do whatever, but when he comes home and he's acting sketchy and brings his friends with then yeah thats my main worry. I work with his dad, and straight up told him. The days my fiance and I work late I honestly worry if I am going to come home and my tv is off the wall and shits gone..
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:49 PM   #19
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I can see your perspective also based on the county you live in
haha yeah this darn county. Fortunately he doesn't smoke here. Atleast I dont think. I told him no smoking in the house, and so far he has respected atleast one thing I ask. Although who knows if he does it while were not home.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:50 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jasmine View Post
The nose thing is a big sign. Had a good friend doing coke and his drips were pretty bad, lots of energy, skinny, occasionally got pretty paranoid. He's in jail right now.

You guys definitely have to deal with it now, and harshly, or he won't ever get it. Then he'll be like my brother who disappeared the day after Thanksgiving, started breaking into the house and stealing things and my parents eventually had to file a trespassing report against him. Haven't seem him still. This was after a longtime of kicking him out/letting him back in when he had a job and needed somewhere to stay, quite a few arrests but no jail time, a 5150 call and suicide watch, and finally going to a psych/rehab. Just when we thought he was doing better (as he also had some mental issues and was starting to be medicated) he got worse. You don't want to go through all that!
/\ this /\

good advice!

I wish you the best of luck - these situations are always a challenge and the solutions are never the same for everyone.
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