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Old 08-29-2013, 07:20 AM   #401
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mntbiker2008 View Post
have you ever been drunk and shit/ puked at the same time? Not really a shart story... but I was at an all inclusive resort in Dominican Republic.... got into a white boy drinking battle with a bunch of Canadians (worst idea of my life).... anyways, we drank for close to 5 hours, I kind of crawled back to the room, passed out for a bit then was woken up with the ceiling spinning around a million miles an hour. went to the bathroom, hugged the toilet and puked.

Well... midpuke, I felt that huge gurgle in my intestines with the immediate urge to shit so I tried to stop puking, sat on the toilet... then I couldn't shit but felt like I was about to blow chow again.... So i grabbed the little trash can in front of me and little did I know it had a scented bag in it. that got the gag reflex on full blast so I projectile vomited and at that exact same time, my sphincter turned in to a rocket.

By far, the most helpless feeling ever.


Oh, and dont sneeze when you have the runs either... Learned the hard way on that one.
Great thread, if it's not in the thread of legends yet it needs to be. Them canadians on vacation are nuts, we ran into a few in Mexico a couple years ago on spring break. My buddy came down with mono a few days before leaving and the doctor loaded him up with some pretty good pain medication (Tramidol or something IIRC) but it didn't react well with alcohol. He passed out on the bar after 1 beer and some canucks came by laughing at him and were like "Boys let this be an important lesson to ya, you'll never outdrink the bar. We ran em outta beer once, but then things got ugly when we hit the liquor"


A different friend of mine (no not just covering my ass here, I really and truly have never shit my pants outside of in my infancy) was very hungover one morning and went to the toilet to puke. He had also pissed himself overnight so he was naked. As he's heaving on all 4's in front of the toilet, a beer shit rocket let loose and totally painted the wall behind him. His girlfriend heard the racket and came in to check on him and found him naked, moaning in a pile of his own shit and puke. He's a rather portly fellow, to add to the scene's unattractiveness. This understandably set her gag reflex off, but with him in front of the toilet she kinda had to make a jump shot with the puke over him and ended up partially puking on him in the process. I'm glad I didn't witness it, but hearing him tell the story almost made me shit myself laughing. Pissing, puking, and shitting on yourself all in the span of a few hours makes any other "bad day" seem pretty minor
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Old 08-29-2013, 09:30 AM   #402
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MowTaco View Post
Great thread, if it's not in the thread of legends yet it needs to be. Them canadians on vacation are nuts, we ran into a few in Mexico a couple years ago on spring break. My buddy came down with mono a few days before leaving and the doctor loaded him up with some pretty good pain medication (Tramidol or something IIRC) but it didn't react well with alcohol. He passed out on the bar after 1 beer and some canucks came by laughing at him and were like "Boys let this be an important lesson to ya, you'll never outdrink the bar. We ran em outta beer once, but then things got ugly when we hit the liquor"


A different friend of mine (no not just covering my ass here, I really and truly have never shit my pants outside of in my infancy) was very hungover one morning and went to the toilet to puke. He had also pissed himself overnight so he was naked. As he's heaving on all 4's in front of the toilet, a beer shit rocket let loose and totally painted the wall behind him. His girlfriend heard the racket and came in to check on him and found him naked, moaning in a pile of his own shit and puke. He's a rather portly fellow, to add to the scene's unattractiveness. This understandably set her gag reflex off, but with him in front of the toilet she kinda had to make a jump shot with the puke over him and ended up partially puking on him in the process. I'm glad I didn't witness it, but hearing him tell the story almost made me shit myself laughing. Pissing, puking, and shitting on yourself all in the span of a few hours makes any other "bad day" seem pretty minor
My co workers look at me funny when I bust out laughing
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Old 08-29-2013, 09:33 AM   #403
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I ate 14 tacos tuesday night at del taco. Sharted Wednesday. I shart about once a month. My 3 roommates do too...or so they say
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Old 08-29-2013, 09:39 AM   #404
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^i would buy some depends man once a month shit haha.
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Old 08-29-2013, 10:49 AM   #405
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A couple of months ago I noticed a pair of underwear stashed behind a toilet at Home Depot.
I put 2 + 2 together and figured someone sharted, so to verify I picked up the underwear to take a sniff and they were still warm.
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Old 08-29-2013, 11:12 AM   #406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Hooligan View Post
A couple of months ago I noticed a pair of underwear stashed behind a toilet at Home Depot.
I put 2 + 2 together and figured someone sharted, so to verify I picked up the underwear to take a sniff and they were still warm.


LMAO
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Old 08-29-2013, 11:21 AM   #407
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I picked up the underwear to take a sniff and they were still warm.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Canadians, LOL...
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Old 08-30-2013, 07:13 AM   #408
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This happened to me about a month ago. My girlfriend and I went to Huntington Beach, CA to visit family. Well, her and her cousins' g/f and their friends went to Laguna Beach for a day to sight-see and whatnot. All the guys went to play golf for the day. As soon as we got there, I went to the bathroom in the clubhouse before we hit the driving range. While using the urinal, I farted, but liquid shit came out. It was like throwing a milk shake at a brick wall...the brick wall being the inside of my boxers. I was the only one in the bathroom, so I ran to the sit-down stall, leaving a trail of my diarrhea behind me. I got completely naked and began cleaning up the mess all over my lower extremities. I needed to wet the toilet paper, to make clean up a little easier, so I decided to make a quick dash to the sink, wet as much toilet paper as I could and run back into the stall to finish clean up...all in the nude, mind you. Well, as soon as my naked ass opens the door, a grounds keeper walks in and I froze. He froze. We locked eyes and he slowly backed out of the door, never taking his eyes off mine. I was trying to explain what had happened and why I was standing in the bathroom completely naked, but he wasn't hearing it. I finished cleaning up, threw my underwear away, and walked out of the clubhouse, keeping my eyes locked on the floor as I exited. Most awkward shit ever...no pun intended
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Old 08-30-2013, 07:15 AM   #409
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bldegle2 View Post
I picked up the underwear to take a sniff and they were still warm.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Canadians, LOL...

I'm just joking of course.









It was in Lowe's.
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Old 08-30-2013, 07:35 AM   #411
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this happened a couple weeks ago.
so friday night feeling pumped to go to the gym, it was squat day. i took my usual pre workout supplements, but feeling extra good i took a double dose of my preworkout supplement Craze, HUGE mistake. (For those of you who don't know Craze tend to have the effect of a mild laxative.) i usually take my pre-workout shit at home before driving to the gym and it doesnt affect my workout. so as usual as soon as i finished craze i went and did my business and headed to the gym. i've got to say double dose of craze was awesome, i was squatting like a boss loaded the bar all the way up to 495lbs, keep in mind i've been in the gym for close to 2 hours im dead tired, plan was to finish strong and go home, but as soon as i unrack the bar i can feel that "craze shit" feeling come up, i shoulda just put the bar back but i decide to gamble and finish my set, i went down with the bar and as soon as i hit bottom and about to come up i lost control of my butt muscle and what i thought was a fart turn out to be a protein shake of my own. i had no choice but to put the weight down on the safety bar and walk to the bathroom, (everyone in the gym was looking at me, not many people in my gym can squat heavy, but i don't think they know what really happened, they just think i failed the squat because i was tired.) i walked in to the stall pray i didn't crap myself, i pull down my pants for the reveal and the undies are clean but between my cheeks is another story. moral of the story is if you feel like there is a 0.0000001% chance that you think you might shit yourself, stop whatever you are doing and go to the bathroom.
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Old 08-30-2013, 07:54 AM   #412
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I can remember I was 8 years old and on a vacation in Japan with the family. We were staying in a hotel that was about 5 blocks to the beach. My brother and I decided to head to the beach after breakfast to scope it out and just as we got there I had the bubbles...and no effing stall to hit up. I told my Bro I''ve gotta jet back to the hotel and promptly take off like a bat outta hell. About 500ft from the entrance the bubbles got mad serious and I started prairie dogging it...the tip toe kind! Getting close to the entrance, chicken skin and all, a shart accidently happens and I'm like FUCK! Well, there was this little garden area right in front of this hotel entrance, it had just enough brush and trees to sneak in and do the do. I saw that nobody was around and so I go for it. Finished the deed and proceed to dig me a hole in the dirt to bury my drawers. Next thing I know, I see my Bro at the entrance and he peeks at me not realizing who was behind the brush. I said yo, it's me and he was like WTF you doing back there and I told him. To this day we get the biggest laughs remembering that story.
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Old 08-30-2013, 08:20 AM   #413
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Several years ago I had a 4th of july pool party...got wasted off multiple types of liquor. I jumped in one end of the pool got out the other and started puking everywhere. While puking, the contracting of the stomach muscles made me fart every time I blew chunks...well those farts eventually turned to sharts...in front of everyone. I passed out after about 15 minutes of this and woke up several hours later on my outdoor furniture to find the house empty, other than my g/f at the time making sure I didnt die in my sleep.
It was a blast....I threw up on my buddies foot too...thats all I remember cuz I was laughing while doing it.
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Old 08-30-2013, 01:52 PM   #414
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i did it in the car before with my family inside
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Old 08-30-2013, 01:57 PM   #415
drinking whats on sale
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I was given a special project to take back to the shop to modify 60-something wall brackets for sinks. I confidently said I could cut, bevel, re-weld, and grind these things, and have them all dead-nuts right on with minimal warpage, in less than 6 hours.

I came from the shop initially so I still know most of the fabbers in there. while busting my ass trying to meet my own deadline, I noticed Gabriel standing behind me in the reflection of my hood. for old times sake, I decided to rip some ass on poor gabe.

instead of the expected "whoomp", I let more of a "perrr-CUMP". shit. I looked at the clock. looked at the rest of my brackets. I had no choice but to do a quick field-cleaning and finish my work to beat the clock. while in the bathroom, the shop-boss strolled in just in time to thwart my underwear disposal. fucking worked another hour with the very drawers I shat in. hastily cleaned with toilet paper and stinkin something fierce.

finished the job though. figure i'll bring that up next time I need a raise
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Old 09-06-2013, 05:58 AM   #416
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Happened Tuesday night. Was at my friend's house hanging out with him and his GF. It was about 10 and I decided to leave. I walked to the door to put my shoes on and felt a small gurgle in my stomach. Really soon afterwards, I felt the need to fart. I relaxed to let it fly. Whilst mid fart, I tried to stop it, knowing something was wrong.

I couldn't stop.

Immediately regretted farting. Felt a horrible wet blast and instant "stepped in a pile" smell. His GF yells out "You just shit yourself, didn't you?!" I yelled back "See ya later!!!", and raced home fast as I could. Got home and stripped in the yard tossing my now ass mustard plastered underwear in the trash. With a feeling of shame I made it to the bathroom to take a shower.
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Old 09-25-2013, 06:54 AM   #417
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Old 09-25-2013, 09:04 AM   #418
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I used to feel invincible and then I sharted.

I think it's hilarious to shart and have been fortunate to only do it in the confines of my own home. It's one of those things that I can't help but laugh about. I don't much care for cleaning up the mess.
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Old 09-25-2013, 09:07 AM   #419
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drug related ones are the worst, take last week i had to take some antibiotics for a tooth infection pharmacist mentioned something about the runs. but i didn't pay much attention, since i took antibiotics before i didn't think much of it. long behold this whole week my shits have been nothing but liquid. so i take all my farts on the shitter now until my prescription is finished.
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Old 09-25-2013, 09:14 AM   #420
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zacharypaul89 View Post
This happened to me about a month ago. My girlfriend and I went to Huntington Beach, CA to visit family. Well, her and her cousins' g/f and their friends went to Laguna Beach for a day to sight-see and whatnot. All the guys went to play golf for the day. As soon as we got there, I went to the bathroom in the clubhouse before we hit the driving range. While using the urinal, I farted, but liquid shit came out. It was like throwing a milk shake at a brick wall...the brick wall being the inside of my boxers. I was the only one in the bathroom, so I ran to the sit-down stall, leaving a trail of my diarrhea behind me. I got completely naked and began cleaning up the mess all over my lower extremities. I needed to wet the toilet paper, to make clean up a little easier, so I decided to make a quick dash to the sink, wet as much toilet paper as I could and run back into the stall to finish clean up...all in the nude, mind you. Well, as soon as my naked ass opens the door, a grounds keeper walks in and I froze. He froze. We locked eyes and he slowly backed out of the door, never taking his eyes off mine. I was trying to explain what had happened and why I was standing in the bathroom completely naked, but he wasn't hearing it. I finished cleaning up, threw my underwear away, and walked out of the clubhouse, keeping my eyes locked on the floor as I exited. Most awkward shit ever...no pun intended
LOL
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