have you ever been drunk and shit/ puked at the same time? Not really a shart story... but I was at an all inclusive resort in Dominican Republic.... got into a white boy drinking battle with a bunch of Canadians (worst idea of my life).... anyways, we drank for close to 5 hours, I kind of crawled back to the room, passed out for a bit then was woken up with the ceiling spinning around a million miles an hour. went to the bathroom, hugged the toilet and puked.
Well... midpuke, I felt that huge gurgle in my intestines with the immediate urge to shit so I tried to stop puking, sat on the toilet... then I couldn't shit but felt like I was about to blow chow again.... So i grabbed the little trash can in front of me and little did I know it had a scented bag in it. that got the gag reflex on full blast so I projectile vomited and at that exact same time, my sphincter turned in to a rocket.
By far, the most helpless feeling ever.
Oh, and dont sneeze when you have the runs either... Learned the hard way on that one.
A different friend of mine (no not just covering my ass here, I really and truly have never shit my pants outside of in my infancy) was very hungover one morning and went to the toilet to puke. He had also pissed himself overnight so he was naked. As he's heaving on all 4's in front of the toilet, a beer shit rocket let loose and totally painted the wall behind him. His girlfriend heard the racket and came in to check on him and found him naked, moaning in a pile of his own shit and puke. He's a rather portly fellow, to add to the scene's unattractiveness. This understandably set her gag reflex off, but with him in front of the toilet she kinda had to make a jump shot with the puke over him and ended up partially puking on him in the process. I'm glad I didn't witness it, but hearing him tell the story almost made me shit myself laughing. Pissing, puking, and shitting on yourself all in the span of a few hours makes any other "bad day" seem pretty minor