Originally Posted by RoyB
I guess my biggest question is for anyone having kids while 42+. I realize it is my decision, I was just seeing if anyone had any input on having kids at a later time in life. Her youngest now is 8, oldest is 16. Her having kids does not scare me and I have met them all. They are all really cool kids.
My buddy just had a kid, at age 44. His wife is 35. Obviously it would be a lot harder physically on a woman since she's gotta carry it. I had some friends in highschool that had parents in their 60-70s and they just seemed so old to me at the time. I dunno. Just thinking out loud I guess.
I understand what you mean. But I think you are really looking for someone to tell you something specific that will make up your mind. Even if someone had input from the same situation, that doesn't mean you will have the same results--good or bad.
There really is no difference between having a kid at any specific age in terms of how you will raise the child. Some people have kids later in life. Some don't. Some are good parents. Some are bad. Just like all others in any age group. I wouldn't get too hung up on this aspect in terms of age.
If you aren't sure about where you want to go, just tell her you would rather not rush into anything. If she gets upset and wants some hard and fast commitment right now, I would see that as a red flag perhaps. In that situation, it might possibly be that she is getting into the midlife mode and is worried a bit and is primarily concerned with someone to take care of her via support, etc...
I don't mean this the wrong way. But a lot of times when people ask these types of questions, they are only looking for positive validation or statements that encourage them to make a decision either way. I don't think you should think like that. As I said, just let it sit for a while and see how it goes. If she cannot handle that, it might not be in your best interests. Just IMO, of course. I am no relationship expert. I just wouldn't rush into it and go all out with commitments to her if you are not 100% sure. Four months is really not enough to get to know someone to the point that you are willing to commit the rest of your life to them and raise their kids and yours. If you feel the same way after a year, that's a pretty good sign. I would also not cohabitate until you reach a commitment as then you have a common law marriage by law and you will be resonsibile financially in some regards even if things don't pan out. There are just as many bad things that can go wrong in a situation like this as good. With the children involved, you need to be sure of what you really want before commiting and cohabitating. It can turn into a personal and financial mess real quick if it turns sour. A coworker of mine had a situation like this and ended up paying spousal and child support even though they were never married and they were her kids.
There is a reason single women with children often find it hard to find a spouse. A lot of guys are afraid of getting trapped into a common law relationship and then not having it work out. Again, please don't take that the wrong way. That's just my take. You need to proceed slowly. You may find that six months from now, your feelings changed and after living together that long, you are screwed in common law court and she gets half the paycheck when you move out and split.