How many times..

Do you have to have the same disscusion with someone about not doing something before you get really pissed? Background: It may be my hang-up, but here we go. My wife dated a guy many moons ago who turned out to be a freak. Things like breaking into her home (before we were married, but dating), stealing cats, ect. ect., stupid shit. I do not like this person at all, and have made this clear on many occasions. Yet she will get on the Fb and check out his profile and pictures and things. I have told her a few times that I don't appreciate this, and we have talked about it many times, but she still does it. It's not that I don't trust her, I don't trust the freak. I go back and forth with myself about it being my problem, but the more I think about it the madder I get. Especially because I know if the tables were turned I would get a world of shit over it. I don't do the Fb, and have no desire to have it, particularly for this reason. I don't really care about people (aquaintances/ex's/what have you) I have not spoken to years. If I did I would call them. I guess I just need to vent a little, and yes I'm pissed off!

 

Seems to be a lack of respect on her part towards you ... I'm with you, it would have to stop.

 

It's about respect, or the lack of it in your case. Your request is not unreasonable, actually quite the opposite. If someone is doing something that makes the other feel uncomfortable, be it drinking, overeating or remaining in contact with an old flame, the other should respect their wishes and not do it, it's respect for the other person.

Just my .02, good luck.

 

I've tried the calm, cool, easy talking, but that doesn't seem to be working. I just don't F*&%ing like it and it pisses me off to no end. There is a little more to it but I will keep that under my hat for a while.....let it stew and boil in my brain, doesn't need to be spilled out on the net.

 

I bought the computer.......and yes I thought about removing it, but I think that would be childish. I am trying very hard to be a grown man about this. I am very cool when it comes to most things, but this has me blowing my f-ing stack. It is no good for me to think of this all day while i'm working, esspecially with a bunch of assholes I don't like. I am beside myself really......just trying to find some ZEN today.

 

If she doesnt care enough to respect your wishes then why even deal with it? Tell her until she starts respecting you that you want a break. Go out, Date a chick or two and see if she changes for you if not shes not worth it man and you were better to let her go in the first place.

 

^^^They're married, little tougher to "date other women"

 

Love my wife to death, do anything for her and the kids, but i'm irritated, and finding it very hard to let go. I go back to my original question: how many times before you flip your shit? My anger is growing today by the minute, but i'm affraid another "conversation" about this will end the same way, only to make it worse for me. And if any of you think i'm being a btch about this please tell me (but i think i'm in the right).

 

I would be irritated as hell if i were you. I had an ex gf's that did shit like this. She told me there was nothing to worry about and being the trusting bf, i trusted her. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE. She ended up cheating on me with her ex that she was just "talking" to.

I'm not saying your wife would do something like that, but I definitely think you're in the right for not wanting her to talk to this DB.

 

Facebook is a huge relationship killer.

It was a small part of what ultimately destroyed mine, and I was in a similar boat as you. I couldn't express it enough times or clearly or civilly how much it bothered me that she was on facebook a lot, interacting with others, more so than her own husband and daughter. Especially one guy in particular, that she knew from high school, who is a complete social retard.

 

Turn the tables. Give her a taste of her own medicine.

 

I know she wouldn't (would be biggest mistake of her life), but yes guys are scumbags and i don't like/trust this mf'er at all.

I agree.....Fb is shit for relationships, just like a bar---they are for single people who don't really have a life to live (especially with a spouse).

Thought about it, but that would open numerous cans of worms, and I really think that it is a bad idea. I am trying to be grown up about this, it's serious and I don't want to play stupid games, although I think it would work, it would be very bad idea.


I think I will try again with the conversations, being human, and if that don't work, comence to flip shit. I never really thought of the respect part of it before, i was so blinded by being angry, but ya'll are right!
I would also like to say that i am in no way snooping around when I find all this shit. More of a trust but verify, and I verified that I can't trust her over this.......which REALLY pains me to say.

And the ANGER grows! I am a wreck today. I feel like I could tear the universe in half, and I hate it because it is something so f'ing stupid, but seriously important at the same time.

 

I can clearly see your dilemma, and it can turn out bad if not handled right.
My wife also have old school friends, including school boyfriends, on her facebook page, and every now-and-then she will mention something that he does or quote something he has said. The difference is that he is 13,000 miles away in another country, so it gives a little peace of mind, but you still wonder why she wants to keep in touch. I have made peace with it that he is just an old friend, and not a threat.
In your case however, I would suggest another calm, but serious talk. Explain to her that you do not want to be a dick about it, but that she knows how you feel about the guy, and that you would really appreciate if she unfriend him. Tell her that you can not make her do it, but would appreciate if she would do it out of respect for you.
Most important is to stay calm, and I know for me it would be difficult.
If she still does not want to do it, she might have to explain why not.

Good luck.

 

ive went thru the same stuff more than once. its just the lack of respect today and the way a relationship is taken. do you ever think this would happen back in the day, hell no! but its this whole internet thing and the world is just not the same. its not just fb book that f's things up. i myself dont touch it, i tried it to stay in touch with my marine buddies but even then the b.s. still got in somewhere. ive asked some one recently why they were friends with somone on fb and than with other people present yall talk shit about them? wut the f**K is that all about? in some cases ive seen the whole ex thing in the picture work but that because there were kids and the ex wasnt a freak or an ass. to much that can be said on this. but the biggest thing is that there is no respect there.

 

trust is everything! you know where i work and what i do and i have a girlfriend that works evrywhere i do just about. so you can see the level of trust that we have to have. but i know everyone she hangs out with, like if we are on different shifts. but some times i still have to remind her that most guys around here aren't really scum but not to far off and she is so good hearted and from her point of veiw she knows nothing is going to happen. but at the same time she can be to nice and to some drunk ass it might put off the wrong signal and believ me she can take care of herself if and when someone may cross the line. and if not than she will come and get me to handle it. id say think about it from every angle before you even talk about it.

 

Gotta whop a mans ass sometimes

 

Hey,

I think most guys and women if put in this position would be angry.. Ladies I know your here since guys don't think they way you do what would be the driving reason for this lady to do this? I agree it is a lack of respect and also if the shoe was on the other foot you would be paying a heavy price for a very long time. Instead of the childish though lol probably satisfying ideas of trashing the pc, trashing the guy I do think a serious talk. Perhaps with a counsler of some type essentially a referee so nothing is said in anger that might end a marriage. These however, are the thoughts of a divorced guy so take them with a grain of salt.

Cypher

 

I think this is one of the parts that has been left out of the other conversations, along with the respect deal. Good call.

Don't really care to whoop his ass, just want him to go the fuck away, and stop contacting MY WIFE. Forget about her please, I really think this asshole is still carrying some kind of torch for her, judging by the lame posts he leaves on the Fb.

I would also like to hear another womans opinion on this, but then again probably not (that is not supposed to sound mean, so don't take it that way).