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SUN FLOWER SEEDS WILL KILL YOU!!!!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by chris4x4, Apr 2, 2014.

Page 1 of 7
  1. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:15 PM
    #1
    chris4x4

    #1
    chris4x4 [OP] With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

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    wait.....What? Is this April Fools again? I mean.....WHAT better seed is there when wheeling, wrenching on something, or just wanting to chew on a seed and spit the shell.....Right?
    No.

    let me explain.
    Earlier at work today, minding my own business, and......eating these fucking seeds of doom, I eat one, and feel a little sharp pain in my throat. No problem. I cough. Nothing. Pain still there. Now what.....AH! Chase it with some Pringles! Nothing. Pain still there. Quick check:
    Breathing.....Good
    Ok....next.....drink shit loads of water. I drank enough water, it would have made Nemo envious. Nothing. Pain still there. PB&J. Nope!



    fuck.


    Welp.....Pain isn't that bad, so fuck it.

    I go home, then I feel a sharp pain. Ok.......This is strange. I go into the shower, and shoot water down my throat. No change. Julie gets home, so I tell her, and NOW IM OFF TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL AGAIN!

    FUCK!!!


    As Im in the ER, Im thinking "this is bullshit......odds are, whatever made the pain feeling, is gone.....I need a cheese burger.......fuck its cold.......Im gonna get hypothermia.........Oooo...Hot nurse!"


    They call my name, and I go into a room I haven't been in before. SO.....I begin checking things out, and the Dr walks in. "What seems to be the issue?"


    Well Doc.......and I explain the whole thing to him.

    "Lets take a look", he says. Now........We all know Doctors aren't that good at hiding when shit is serious. He takes a peek in my throat, then looks away and yells at his assistant, "GET ME AN INTIBATOR, AND THE DRAGON SPRAY!"


    whoa...WAIT ONE FUCKING MIN!!! I DONT NEED DRAGON SPRAY!!!


    wtf IS dragon spray?


    "Look Doc", I say to him, "The pain is here (as I point to the part of my throat I feel the pain at), its not anyplace that needs dragon spray, I assure you". ...He ignores me.

    Anyway, Assistant shows up with a large curved metal bar (FML #1), and something in a box that says "WILD CHERRY FLAVOR!" (FML#2).


    Now.....Ive been in hospitals enough to know that anything labeled "wild cherry" more than likely is going to taste like a tire, wood, cotton, or potatoes. Welp...I was wrong. As the dude pushed me on the bed, then sprayed this shit in my throat, the first thing that came to mind was "MY FUCKING THROAT IS ON FIRE FUCK!"



    then........nothing.....I was numb from my lips to my lungs. before I could brag about the lack of feeling, the bar is shoved down my throat. He tells me to say "AH". Now.....HOW THE FUCK are you gonna say "ah" with a metal bar in your throat? You cant. I gurgled. He takes it out and says," Ah yes......I see it.....swallow". Then sticks the fucking bar in my throat again. This time, only for about 10 seconds or so. After that, he tells me "There was a splintered shell, and it punctured your throat.........bla bla bla borka borka bork bork". Then, "Let me take another look to see if there is any more damage", and the bar gets shoved in my throat again. "Nope! That's it!" Then he begins to tell me how the seed stabbed the throat "Like a sword", and how you shouldn't eat them. As I attempt to tell him "No worries there, Doc!"........which......probably sounded like I had a shoe in my mouth, as my internals were still numbed. I get some prescription to prevent infection, and told not to eat spicy foods for a week, and Im booted out. SO..........SUN FLOWER SEEDS WILL KILL YOU! DO NOT EAT THEM!



    that is all. This PSA is brought to you by In-N-out burger, and our new vendors GotExhaust, and KC Highlites..........
     
    chris4x4, Apr 2, 2014
    #1
    uploadadventure, Gunshot-6A and Prayn4surf like this.
  2. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:18 PM
    #2
    kirkofwimbo

    #2
    kirkofwimbo Well-Known Member

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    Parents never told you not to eat sunflower seeds, eh?
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2014
    kirkofwimbo, Apr 2, 2014
    #2
  3. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:19 PM
    #3
    Highland Logan

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    Highland Logan UBIQUE

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    Nice story Chris... all I got out of it was that some dude shoved something large down your throat... :eek:

    Glad a seed did't kill you however :cool:

    Frank
     
    Highland Logan, Apr 2, 2014
    #3
    Gunshot-6A likes this.
  4. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:32 PM
    #4
    OZ-T

    #4
    OZ-T You are going backwards

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    User error
     
    OZ-T, Apr 2, 2014
    #4
  5. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:34 PM
    #5
    Highland Logan

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    Highland Logan UBIQUE

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    He is a Mod... not Bob.

    Frank
     
    Highland Logan, Apr 2, 2014
    #5
  6. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:34 PM
    #6
    chris4x4

    #6
    chris4x4 [OP] With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

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    bastards
     
    chris4x4, Apr 2, 2014
    #6
  7. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:38 PM
    #7
    skidooman

    #7
    skidooman I'm your huckleberry

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    God punishing you for driving a Jeep.
     
    skidooman, Apr 2, 2014
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  8. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:39 PM
    #8
    NewRider

    #8
    NewRider Well-Known Member

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    damn... talk about a rough visit for such a small culprit! and thanks for the warning, but I doubt that pack sitting center in the truck will get thrown away :p
     
    NewRider, Apr 2, 2014
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  9. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:40 PM
    #9
    Highland Logan

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    Highland Logan UBIQUE

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    Play nice, now. We're not the ones who had a rod in their mouth and something sprayed down their throat!

    Or almost killed by a seed... however you want to spin your story.

    Frank
     
    Highland Logan, Apr 2, 2014
    #9
  10. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:42 PM
    #10
    moondeath

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    moondeath Well-Known Member

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    LOL!!! That made me laugh.

    On a side note, that dragon spray probably cost about $2000.
     
    moondeath, Apr 2, 2014
    #10
  11. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:42 PM
    #11
    chris4x4

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    chris4x4 [OP] With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

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    Probably.
     
    chris4x4, Apr 2, 2014
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  12. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:43 PM
    #12
    chris4x4

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    chris4x4 [OP] With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

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    OUR doctors use the tools required for helpoing the patient. :cool:
     
    chris4x4, Apr 2, 2014
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  13. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:46 PM
    #13
    Highland Logan

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    Highland Logan UBIQUE

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    In Canada, we just don't let ourselves get taken out by anything smaller than a full grown bear. 'Merica :D

    Frank
     
    Highland Logan, Apr 2, 2014
    #13
  14. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:46 PM
    #14
    Guerrilla

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    Guerrilla L(.)(.)K@G(.)(.)Dz

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    Stuff

    :laughing: :rofl::rofl: Great story well worded.

    But seriously that would suck, it's all fun and games until something gets lodged in your throat.
    This reminds me of my dad telling me I shouldn't keep a toothpick in my mouth. He knew a guy that got one lodged sideways in their throat with both points stabbing their esophagus. Now that would suck.

    And In-n-Out :drool:
     
    Guerrilla, Apr 2, 2014
    #14
  15. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:50 PM
    #15
    CVYota

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    CVYota Damaged goods

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    In California they make you wear a helmet if you eat sunflower seeds.
     
    CVYota, Apr 2, 2014
    #15
  16. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:53 PM
    #16
    Cmurder

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    Cmurder 2011 TX TRD Offroad

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    nothing cool
    Thats awesome. I work in the Emergency Dept at a hospital and see some crazy stuff. But thats a new one.
     
    Cmurder, Apr 2, 2014
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  17. Apr 2, 2014 at 7:58 PM
    #17
    MedicMutt

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    MedicMutt Purveyor of Useless Information

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    OME suspension, Whiteline bushings, Line-X'd Jason topper, GoRhino "Grille Guard", many more...
    Sounds like you had an encounter with one of these:
    [​IMG]

    Glad you're okay, but with all of your misadventures, how do you not have some kind of hospital club card? I would imagine you'd have a few free visits by now, and maybe a free sucker or two...
     
    MedicMutt, Apr 2, 2014
    #17
  18. Apr 2, 2014 at 8:00 PM
    #18
    Agent Smith

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    Agent Smith Always outnumbered, never outgunned

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    You left out the part where the "Doc" put alot of KY on his finger and……..
     
    Agent Smith, Apr 2, 2014
    #18
  19. Apr 2, 2014 at 8:05 PM
    #19
    CVYota

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    CVYota Damaged goods

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    I hope they didn't go after it from that end...:confused:
     
    CVYota, Apr 2, 2014
    #19
  20. Apr 2, 2014 at 8:08 PM
    #20
    Agent Smith

    #20
    Agent Smith Always outnumbered, never outgunned

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    You're thinking of the medical procedure called a multioptipupiloptomy. It's a delicate corneal inversion procedure.
     
    Agent Smith, Apr 2, 2014
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