favorite funny sayings/comebacks

http://www.tacomaworld.com/forum/of...9877-genius-quotes-old-timer.html#post9764105

 

I used to work with an old guy, when he had a cold he would say his feet and nose had swapped places..his feet were smelling and his nose was running.

 

haha. i may have to use that.

 

Confucius says: A man whose nose runs and feet smell was born upside down.

 

Confucius say "man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

 

Confucius say.... man who goes to bed with itchy bum wake up with smelly finger

 

Confucius say "man who sit on tack will get the point!"

 

Man who stand on toilet, high on pot.

Colder than a well diggers ass

Useless as this on a whore.

A French fry short of a happy meal

3 sheets to the wind

 

one I heard recently: "That'll go just like shit through a goose"
or a fave from a farmer I know when talking about things being held together well:
"It'll stick like shit to a blanket"

 

'Do you know Martin? .... No? Well, 'martin up!'

 

Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra.

Sweating like a cop in a donut shop

 

Big Wooooop......

Every time I see the "The 21 to 39 year old super badass thread" that's what I think except it's more like Big Fuckin Wooooop.

 

Confucius say...man who farts in church sits in his own pew.

 

You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

 

The boogie man checks under his bed every night for chuck norris.

 

If I wanted shit from you I'd squeeze your head.

 

Sweating like a whore in church

 

I'll bet she can eat corn on the cob through a chain link fence.

 

I had some bad Chinese and I've been pissing out my asshole all day.

 

sweating like a priest in a daycare