Serious honest help from fellow Taco family

I don't really know who to talk to about this but I am at the first fork in the road in my life… This isn't a soppy story this is a true honest opinion based post and I am not really sure what I should do so your honest thoughts are much welcome and Ill try to make his as urn complicated and short as posible..

My little background..
Im 20 (young yes but thats why I am here asking)
Working at the same company for 6 years come Feb. (4years in inventory, 2 years Software development)
Self sufficient (Don't rely on anyone for funding)
Moved out at 18 had my own place for a year
Just signed a 7 month lease with a "good" friend ( Love the kid but drugs and him not listening to me about how he should treat women I am getting sick of it and he knows it and just wont listen to me and let me help )
Currently going to school for Software Development
Single / No GF
Love the outdoors, mountain biking, and 4wd

Ill start off by saying in High school I really enjoyed programming. I started with VB 6 and that kinda got me in the place I am in now and I really did enjoy it and if it wasn't for then I wouldn't be in the department I am now and I don't regret 1 part of taking that class. It gave me the best position a kid could want. There is just something about it that was fun and I enjoyed until I got to college and now I am to the point where I am doing it 8 hours a day at work, then 4 more hours at school, and then any other time I have “free” I have to do homework which is more coding so I am coding for like 14 hours a day. I am to the point where I don’t know if its really what I want to do anymore and it is cause of school that I am getting burnt out Being 20 years old and been at the same company (my only employer) for going on 6 years come Feb and I can honestly say I don't know much about other avenues of jobs. I think I am to the point where I want to just up and leave everything behind and travel and do photography. I would love to be able to cover truck payment, insurance, phone, and gas money and I would be set to drive wherever the roads take me and I could just be free. Drive till I'm tired, pull over and camp, go climb a mountain or 2, just be a nomad and not worry about anything.

Right now in the apartment I am in my room mate / REALLY good friend well he doesn't have the nicest record and I know that he wouldn't want me to leave, but I I made a deal with him, no exceptions, if's or but's.. If he cut the drugs and listened to me and cut all the crap he was causing I would reconsider.. We agreed and knowing the steaks and the fact I would leave.. Well apparently he just had to get high on pills 1 more time, blamed it on the doctor, and I found out he told me he took 40mg (supposed to be 20) and my friend saw him take 2 sets of 40. So I said thats it.. We had a deal and our friendship now knowing the stakes and now I don't think I can trust him like that anymore. I can trust him for rent and bills and such, but really why do that knowing it was wrong and he shouldn't do it. So I don't know.

Recently I just got back from a backpacking trip up Mt. Elbert in Colorado and after talking to everyone about Colorado before I went everyone was like its so amazing and that its awesome etc, well looking over Leadville Co from the tallest mountain in Colorado everything I could have imagined in my head just got painted in color and it was everything I though it would be. For me I relate it to the Nature Valley commercials. Absolutely amazing and everything I could want. All of this is my big issue. I want all that in my sights. I want to be able to climb a mountain 1 weekend and be back at work the next day. I want to be able to have the whole state at my disposal for a playground. There was soo much to do there and here in Missouri, well Colorado has everything I want that Missouri doesn't have.

I have a good understanding of a lot of things others just don't, but I think I am at that flat point in the data plot where I just need to spice something up and try something new and I think if I were to go travel, perhaps work at some national parks for the summer and be able to enjoy the wonders of the world and maybe make some money while I enjoy the outdoors I think I should take the chance when I think I have it. My dad told me, “The best job you can have is the one you don't get paid for”. Why in the world would I pass an opportunity like this, combining the few things I love to do, Travel, pictures, and enjoying the outdoors.

To be able to travel, post up pics, and be able to blog my travels while I go I think would be absolutely amazing and priceless. Who knows where my travels will take me but I can guarantee 1 thing… coast to coast, boarder to boarder, I plan to cover it all. that is if I can cut my ties and take the plunge. Maybe then I will be able to figure out what I want to do and who knows what my travels will bring me. Maybe Ill run into someone and be able to travel and do photography for life. The only one who knows is time, and shes not talking.

If your getting interested.. Heres a little more reading… I just wanted to keep it non boring for the post

http://sil3ncer7.wordpress.com/2009/09/28/that-point-in-my-life/

But I am seriously and honestly not sure, and thats why I am asking questions and wanting your comments no matter positive or negative (I can take it ). I am sure someone if not everyone has been through this.. What made you do what you did or not do for that matter?

 

If you are feeling stuck try taking semester off to yourself and take a vacation from your job. I would not just up and quit everything you have worked for. I am in school full time right now and working over 40 hours a week so I know how you feel. I am so burnt out, but I know all I need is a break from things. I may take next semester off to allow myself to get "bored" which I will. Hope that helps some

 

I thought about that, but I think after a while again I would be in the same boat again. That was kinda why I went to Colorado in the first place. and I forgot to add that I don't know if development is even something I want to do in the long run. Like, I want to but I just dont know if it something that I will be able to carry on with.

 

First off, props to you for wanting to explore. I explored a lot in my younger days, dropped out of college to do so. I had a lot of fun, maybe too much fun. Then the real world hit and I realized in order to better my job position I needed to go back to college. I did that with a kid, a wife, and a house payment. It was a royal PITA. My advice is to finish school, slow down on the work hours so you can enjoy life a little more. After you finish school, take a year or two off and travel, maybe more.

As far as your studies, development is a good job, and a good future. If you stick to it you wont be a developer all your life, you do move up. If you don't want to do that, I would still suggest staying in the same field. There will always be opportunities for good skills in computers and programming.

 

im kinda in the same boat as you..I have known a few people to just pick up and move across country for a fresh start..so far, there all doing good for themselves. As soon as I can save some money, ill do the same, except maybe move one or 2 states over from NJ

 

I have done that actually... Jus sux when there too close even that you still cant decide. I think about things too much and I can see fallout b4 anything happens. I see both sides too far down the road to make a definitive yea this will work.

I realize that it is a good field and there is some decent money to be had here. I am not doing to bad for being outa HS and not having a degree, but I have been thinking that would I really wanna do this as a career? If yes then ok then finishing school is good, but if not then thats alot of money that could have been spent elsewhere on something I REALLY TRUELY enjoy. With the money I have left I could move, pay off the truck and still have money to survive off of for 5 months or so till things got in place totally.

I am noticing a pattern.. everyone "In the same boat" is right around 20... So I am glad I am not the only one.. I didnt think I was, but for me I wanna say just up and go. Finish out the apartment lease, then by that time I might have my degree if I dont stop going to save money so I guess theres a plus, and for a few months live at my moms or something and save the money that would be from rent, so a grand or so. Then I would have funds to suport my self for awhile.

1. I guess the fall down is I might / probably not use
2. Save 23k and pay off the truck, put a deposit on the apartment out there, and have 7k or so to suport myself until I get a job (I live pretty bland and dont need crap. Most what I need I have already (Computer, big screen, and DVD's )
I just dont know.

 

I totally agree and thats kinda been the whole underlying thing for me.. Take the risk.. Go out there. Get my butt kicked, take life as it comes. I can survive. Life isnt meant to be easy. And I love taking risks, especially if there is the chance of bettering my life in the long run the rewards will outweigh the risk and if it doesnt.. Well theres lessons to be learned in everything and the only way to learn them is by taking the risk.

 

Well I just got of the phone with my brother, dad, and gma about the whole situation and I was surprised at their answer. I knew all they wanted is the best thing for me but I wasn't expecting all 3 of them to say "just make sure you think it through and get your ducks in a row". That right there gave me the boost from my gam that I think might have been the tipping scale for me.

I m leaning toward moving foreword and going. Worst case scenario if EVERYTHING goes south and nothing works out and I loose everything my backup can be the military. join my brother in the arms. So I think that helped me and I think that was a big help in my decision. As for school I think I am going to stop at the end of the semester when the classes are over and put more time into focusing on what I am going to do and if Colorado doesn't work I can come back to Missouri and pick up where I left off.

I guess I am just scared that if I think all this through and I make the move and it fails then I guess it still isn't a regret, instead a life lesson learned. Thats life I guess and only time will tell I guess.

Thoughts?

 

For 20 years old you sound very mature. You are young enough that you can take some chances. My son Josh is an IT tech, loves computers, hates doing it for a living, but he is very gifted at it. Sounds like you have the same gift. Take a break, try something new. As long as your not abandoning responsibilities or commitments, can continue to pay your bills go for it. You can always come back to it. I would finish up everything you are currently involved in, school semester and so on.

 

this is what ive been seriously considering lately..I dont have any ties holding me where I am..just a dead end job thats keeping me here. I have a pickup and a trailer, which can get me anywhere..Im keeping an eye on my money and may be taking that chance sooner then I'd hope

 

Well thank you. I like to think of my self that way )not in a cocky sense) but I have been working all through HS so I never really had a life aside of working so I understand what other people my age just.. Dont.... But its funny you say that... My name is Josh.. and I am going to ITT Tech.. lol. I wouldnt be abandoning them, just exploring for new territories.. thats all and if it wouldnt work out I can always pick them back up.

 

Well I might need a roomate in Colorado lol

 

Why do life choices have to be so hard. They shouldn put people in a bind like this... ugh

 

Take a few months off and do what you need to do, you will not regret it. I think you’re just burnt out and need some me time. Talk to your employer and plan a semester off of school and do what you need to do. I took about seven months off after college and I reflect back to those seven months all the time.

 

First of all, what kinds of drugs is he doing and how is it negatively affecting your relationship? stealing, not paying bills, just being a burn out et....

secondly, what you are talking about is not just your dream, but pretty much everyone's dream. doing whatever you want and still having money would be awesome, but not realistic. how exactly are you planning on making a living? photography is cool but very few people make a living doing it. living the dream costs money. lots of money.

 

The only reason you feel like your in a bind is because you have some fear. The fear of jumping out and trying to make it on your own exploring without the steady income and day to day things that your used to. Half the battle is taking the risk. I would ask yourself if your ready to take the risk and change your life.

I can relate to this same thing, but in different context. About 2 years ago i wanted to make the jump from being a graphic designer for a high end design firm (making more than enough money) to being my own boss and a freelance working from home, having my own clients, but not knowing what the paycheck would look like each month. I really had to way out the pros and cons. Although the pro's seemed so much more rewarding (working my own hours, choosing my own clients, working from home in my boxers if i wanted to!) the cons were a huge factor and that stopped me from jumping into it right away. I eased into it and eventually i am where i am today. Im still working for that design firm but i am also creating my list of clients so that when i am ready to make the full jump into freelancing i know i will have the cliental to back it.

Basically what im trying to say is you dont have to jump right into something because it feels like your in a rut or your stuck and not happy. Change up a few things on your day to day, take some time off work, there are plenty of things you can do to get you out of the same day to day. From there, just ease into things. You stated you liked photography, well then take a couple hours each week to just go out and drive, and just stop whenever you want to and take pictures. (just one suggestion)

The bottom line is: Don't make yourself feel like your in a bind. Start your transition now, and when you know your ready and its the right thing to do the change will happen on its own.

Good Luck

 

He has a perscription, but there anti-depressants. Then to top it off he wants a few beers after words. Relationship is more like after I made this deal with him and he knew the stakes and did it anyways, making me feel like he doesnt really care that much. He is there or bills and such, but I always have to wonder really how he feels and if I ask him he will say what I wanna hear but is it the true honesty?

I was planning on finding a job at a store or something REI, or some outdoor store or something. Anything really.. obviously something that can support myself, but something different and new.

I know its everyones "dream" but I guess its more me being young and making the risk and knowing the fallout if something did go south. Thats what I fear the most cause like my brother said "What you do right here right now determines your future. If I stopped going to class right now and it didnt work, then that will be with me the rest of my life. But then after thinking about it, it boils to the risk. Thats life and I shouldnt go in fear of that. The best way to figure something out is to go do it and learn from your mistakes.


Side note: I got a letter in the mail from my school stating my financial aid is up at the end of this quarter, and I wont get a schedule for Dec classes unless I reapply... I dont think I am going to...