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Old 05-08-2013, 01:44 PM   #2081
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.

Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt when we get back home." I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny.

At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at it's mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!" The mother, who had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was pleasantly surprised and said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said," This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet.

Why, just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can see good? The mother a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause he'd be screwed if he needed to wear glasses"
this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
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Old 05-08-2013, 01:45 PM   #2082
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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Little Johnny is playing in the street with his friends. He runs into the house and says "Mum, whats it called when two people share a room and one lies on top of the other?"

His mom is a little bit taken aback and quickly decides to tell Johnny the truth "That's called sexual intercourse, Johnny".

Little Johnny looks stumped, and he runs back to his friends in the street.

2 minutes later, he runs back into the house and says "Mom! you liar! Its not called sexual intercourse, its called BUNK BEDS!"
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Old 05-08-2013, 01:46 PM   #2083
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like shit!"

Then I would say, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
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Old 05-08-2013, 01:48 PM   #2084
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue.

Doctor: "What happened?

"Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.

"Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep.

"Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
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Old 05-08-2013, 01:49 PM   #2085
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began arguing with him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
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Old 05-08-2013, 02:19 PM   #2086
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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Dan knew he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died.

He decided that he needed to be with his dream woman to really enjoy it.

One evening he was at a singles bar where he spotted the most attractive woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a month or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.

Three days later, she became his stepmother.

When it comes to Estate Planning, women are so much smarter than men.
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Old 05-10-2013, 05:31 PM   #2087
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks.

Curious, the bartender asked him one day, "Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?"

The man answered, "Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and since they've both passed on, I've continued to order the three shots in their honor."

The bartender thought that this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man every time he visited the bar.

Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots of whiskey. Surprised, the bartender asked him why he only ordered two when had had always been ordering three.

The man answered, "Oh, I've decided to stop drinking."
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Old 05-11-2013, 04:19 AM   #2088
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tacoma16 is one of the sharper tools in the shedtacoma16 is one of the sharper tools in the shedtacoma16 is one of the sharper tools in the shedtacoma16 is one of the sharper tools in the shedtacoma16 is one of the sharper tools in the shedtacoma16 is one of the sharper tools in the shedtacoma16 is one of the sharper tools in the shedtacoma16 is one of the sharper tools in the shedtacoma16 is one of the sharper tools in the shedtacoma16 is one of the sharper tools in the shedtacoma16 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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keep them coming. These make my morning. Thanks a lot!
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Old 05-11-2013, 09:53 AM   #2089
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding." "Can I see your driver's license?"
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross over the center line back there." "Can I see your registration please?"
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. He's stark naked and has an erection!
The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, "Oh no-not the Breathalyzer again!"
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Old 05-11-2013, 09:54 AM   #2090
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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A woman orders a chicken sandwhich and starts to choke. People are running frantically, trying to figure out what to do. Two homosexuals sitting in the corner wisper to each other and run in front of the choking lady. One strips out of his overalls, bends over butt naked in front of his friend. His friend proceeds to lick the other's ass.
Upon seeing this, the lady vomits forcing the lodged food from her throat. After making sure the lady is OK, the two homosexuals return to their food.
One turns to the other and says, "Wow, that hind-lick manuever really works!"
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Old 05-11-2013, 09:54 AM   #2091
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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Word started getting out about Snow White's mirror and people really started getting the idea of wanting to inquire of the mirror themselves.
Sleeping Beauty wanted to know if she really was the most beautiful of all.
Tom Thumb wanted to make sure he really was the smallest person.
Quasimodo wanted to know that he was the ugliest. So they each went before the mirror.
As Sleeping Beauty was leaving she said "Oh, I really *am* the most beautiful of all!"
As Tom Thumb left he was quite pleased to know that he is indeed the smallest of all.
As Quasimodo left, he exclaimed "Who the heck is Janet Reno?"
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Old 05-11-2013, 09:56 AM   #2092
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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Joe rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.
Joe smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing under the robe.
Poor Joe breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..."
He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Being completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" The flustered, embarrassed Joe stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!"
She's astounded! "Why my ears? Look at these breasts! They're full, don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My buns - they're firm and don't sag, and have no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!"
Clearing his throat once again, Joe stammers - "Outside when you said you heard someone coming? That was me."
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Old 05-11-2013, 09:58 AM   #2093
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and asks if he can handle it. The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees.
A few minutes later a white woman walks in and asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, they are the same price."
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes.
A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the blackdildo?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one also, they are the same price."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..." She pays him, and off she goes.
About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $150."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...." She pays him, and off she goes.
Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I wasgone?" The salesman responded, "I think I did pretty good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $150!"
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Old 05-11-2013, 10:04 AM   #2094
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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Marriage rule:

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to come on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls -if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games, smoke a cigarette,watch tv...ect.... immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV, smoke a cigarette, drink, ect....
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."
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Old 05-11-2013, 10:06 AM   #2095
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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A man and his wife decide to play golf but neither is very good so they sign up for lessons.
The man goes to his lesson first. The instructor says, "Show me your swing so I can evaluate you." The man swings and the instructor says, "That was good but you're holding the club too tight. Try holding it gently like you would hold your wife's breasts." The man does so and he hits the ball 250 yards!
Later, the wife goes for her lesson. Again the instructor tells her to show him her swing so that he can evaluate her. She does and he says, "You're also holding the club too tight. Hold like you would hold your husband's dick." She does so and takes her swing. Then the golf instructor says, "Try it again but this time take the club out of your mouth."
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Old 05-11-2013, 12:38 PM   #2096
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newertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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funny as shit today. GREAT JOB!!!!
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Old 05-11-2013, 02:15 PM   #2097
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23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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I have a beautiful young neighbor. She's single and lives right across the street. I can see her house from my family room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway.

She knocked on my door and I rushed to open it. She looks at me and says, “I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?”

Without missing a heartbeat I immediately replied, “Nope, I'm free. I have no plans at all!” Then she said, “Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?" Man, it's no fun getting old!!!
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Old 05-13-2013, 07:19 AM   #2098
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newertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
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Subj: Indian named "Onestone" - Much Needed Humor








The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that
name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone..

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone
again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called
him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird
forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He
jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night. He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what
he promised he would do.
Years went by and no
one dared call him by his given name until A woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being
away.
Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was
overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him
and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!








Why ???








OH, come on... take a guess !!!








Think about it !!!








You're going to love this !!!








Everyone knows.


You can't kill Two Birds


with OneStone!!!































I










-------------------------------------------------------------------


[IMG]aoladp://MA28336560-0001/image001.gif[/IMG]




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Old 05-13-2013, 08:38 PM   #2099
Outlaw 525S member
23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed23dec2007 is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
23dec2007's Avatar
Army:
Joined: Nov 2012, #92058
Location: 99506
Gender: Dude
Posts: 2,652
23dec2007's Tacoma Gallery
Three men are sentenced to death and brought to face their fate.
The executioner says to the first one, "You have a choice: you may die either by lethal injection or electric chair."
He chooses lethal injection. The injection is administered and he dies.
The second man is offered the same choice. He selects electric chair. The executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He tries again. Again nothing happens.
"Well," the executioner says, "according to our laws, you made your choice and the punishment was administered, so we are done. You can go free." He goes free.
Then the executioner asks the third man the same question: lethal injection or electric chair.
"I think lethal injection," he says. "The electric chair is obviously broken."
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Old 05-18-2013, 10:36 AM   #2100
Senior Member
newertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shednewertoy is one of the sharper tools in the shed
 
newertoy's Avatar
Coast Guard: electronics tech
Name: Kevin
Joined: Feb 2010, #32204
Location: East Tn
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,227
newertoy's Tacoma Gallery
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it
***************** ***

I had amnesia once---or twice
***************** ***

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
***************** ***

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
***************** ***

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy
***************** ***

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
***************** ***

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
***************** ***

They told me I was gullible and I believed them. ***************** ***

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
***************** ***

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone. (Amen)!!!
***************** ***

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
***************** ***

My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.
***************** ***

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
***************** ***

How can there be self-help "groups"?
***************** ***

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
***************** ***

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off
***************** ***

Is it me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
********************

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS!
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