Longbow, a new book, a new chapter

I felt the need to write this since so many people followed my life and going's on for a long time. I believe what I write will help someone else in need, that maybe they will know they are not alone.
I can not explain how I felt inside after Michele past, she was everything to me, I spent over half her life with her and to be taken at a young age ate me up inside. Beside feeling betrayed I felt angry, hurt, left in the cold and all alone.
For months I would stay out on the porch at night and ask for some sort of sign, a dream, the smell of her or something. When it never came I sort of gave up.
I got really sick, I lost 65 pounds, my body was no longer producing red blood cells, my insides were slowly shutting down. I was not sleeping, 4 to 5 days with only an hour or two, and suffered from severe depression.
There comes a time when people need to leave, they have a life, they need to head home to work, family etc, and I understood that. My issue was I covered everything up with the words "I am OK".
I began to write the darkest feelings I had inside, being lost, or beside ones self. Ha let me say I turned heads with that.
You can tell people by how they act in certain situations, some said I was a lost cause, I fell from grace. I had turned to a dark side of life, but alls they did was look. They did not listen to the screams I had. Please do not get me wrong, I am not judging anyone, nor do I hold any hard feeling's. All of this has made me grow, I see things in a light now that I never have before. And true, some of this was MY doing, I pushed things away. Even here on TW, one call and I knew I could have someone here, or have the word put out that I need help. But like a MAN I was proud, a meat eater and did not need any help.
I was deeply touched when I would get a text from someone here, and they came at the right times. I began to heal but still carried the cross of so many other things. For a year I suffered, asking why were questions not answered. I asked the Lord to take me instead, I did not want to deal with life and the raising of two girls. I realized it's not me to fill in the answers to the questions I ask. Once I got past that, and didn't look back at it I would heal the way I needed to.
My next door neighbor, he is a big man, body builder, Mr.Indiana. He followed my family since we moved here in 03. He is not a Goldy man, and does not know the Lord. He heard my story and seen first hand the toll it was taken on me. Out of the blue I was standing talking with him, giving him my sob, how sad is me story. When he slapped me on the back of the head. Now it hurt, and for a split second pissed me off. He told me to wake up, get my head out of my butt and move on.
You know something, he was right. I began to crawl out of the hole I was in and get into the light. He has become like a brother to me, anything in my house is his and he is welcome whenever. He help me in looking at the Jeep and is a good friend.
Where am I at now? my body has fully healed, mentally I am strong as I have been. I have a new zest for life, not answering my own question. If the Lord brings another into my life, I will listen.
People give little clues when they are hurting, or when they need help support and prayer. They may not ask, but the signs are there.
Here on TW, is like a family. Its hard for me to understand (GET MY HEAD AROUND) that WE or most of us came together because of a truck. That anyone of us can vent, share, surprise, give joy and even hurt knowing someone will listen.
You all better know you have touched me inside, that my home is open to any of you. I have an extra bed or two, and a pillow to put your heads on. And thats the truth.
I have moved on with my life, being guided by the highest power. I think of Michele all the time. But I know she is happy with what I am doing now, and how the girls have grown and learned.
I am blessed with them, I am blessed with family and friends. And I am blessed knowing I have friends through out the U.S. and can chat with them here on TW.


ACTS 20:24
But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God.

 

I've missed you brother. Good to see you back!

 

Welcome back Bill.

 

Well done. Glad to see you're able to open up, and that your strength has returned. Life gets better.

 

BILL!!! Glad you are back around these parts-You have been missed!!!

 

Welcome back Bill, welcome back!

 

Welcome back!

 

Bill.... welcome back! You are thought of often.

You have no idea how nice it is to hear from you! Cheers

 

Welcome back Longbow! Perhaps we can bullshit about hunting season sometime!

 

Thanks ALL!!

 

Sure thing, up for that all the time.

 

You are giving strength to others that will certainly face what time and circumstance will bring to us all.

 

Welcome Back, Bill.

 

So glad to hear about the healing in your life Bill. It truly amazes me how our Lord will put obstacles in our lives, both good and bad. Some are blessed with family, friends, and treasures here on earth, while other folks make it through life not lifting a finger for anyone or anything and live what appears to be a long and blessed life. We have all heard or read the stories of missionaries that are killed in a plane crash on there way home from digging a wells in Kenya while someone else that has smoked, drank and took drugs almost every day of their lives live to be a hundred. To us standing on the sidelines watching, crying, its hard not to give up, become angry, angry at God and everyone else around us.
It’s hard for us to believe that this is Gods plan and this is somehow going to shape us, make our lives and those around us better. But this is where faith and trust in the Lord comes in.
It’s funny how God used this un-godly man to get your attention Bill, and made sure he was big enough that you would listen!
Continued prayers for you and your family Bill, I pray the Lord will reveal why Michele was taken from you and your family at such a young age and such an important time in your young girls lives, but rest knowing He has a plan, and we must trust in His perfect will.
Like your story, this song is sad, but like your story Bill it speaks of God’s promise.
http://youtu.be/i-hJ87ApWtw

 

Welcome back bill, still think of you and the girls often. Glad to hear you are doing better.

 

Hot Damn Glad to have you back!

 

Welcome back Bill! So very glad to hear from you. Glad to hear things are getting better for you. We never forgot you here!

 

I saw that you had posted on TW recently but was too shy to say hi or anything at all. My fear was that TW would serve as a reminder of things in the past. After reading this, I understand that TW isn't just a forum to you or to many of us. It is a brotherhood of Tacoma enthusiasts who enjoy one thing... our Tacomas! Once a Tacoma owner, always a Tacoma owner.

I recently had a conversation with my in-laws about salvation. Once saved, always saved right? The argument that was made is whether or not they live for God or choose to live "their will." I don't think there's ever going to be a time when God will say Good job my faithful servant... and then relieve us of our obligation to live for Him. We'll always fall short and not receive the pat on the back that we sometimes feel we deserve. The question being asked here is if you or anyone else being tried has the courage and strength to stand up and try again? Most of us just turn around and say "This trail is too hard" and head back down the way we started and look for an easier trail to conquer. You my friend found the hardest trail and defeated it head on because you were well equipped, you just didn't know it. The battle is over. Scars are visible. Memories remain, but God is constant.
So many of us will look back at your experience and will know that it's not going to be easy. You said it yourself. You went through it, BUT to stop dead in your tracks and report your status to us is admirable. Expected to some extent because we care. I still have the PMs I exchanged with Ben about my walk with God. I know all of our walks are situational, but this much I know... He loves me. Just know He is and will always be there for you and for me. Regardless! We know the power of the Holy Spirit. He'll protect you and provide for your needs (your armor) for your next battle. Be strong.
Thank you again for sharing. I can't wait to see what the next chapter will bring.
YBIC,
Albert