still stuck on the past

Where are you at in New Mexico by the way? I grew up in Aztec (near Farmington) and miss it every day.

 

When you have those bad images of the ER try to concentrate on the good times you had with him, use the good images to block the bad ones. Dont beat yourself up by taking drugs and stuff, your brother wouldnt want that for you. God does everything for a reason, he maybe doing this to bring you closer to him. God is your friend, talk to him, tell him how you feel and ask him to help you, i know you are mad at him but he still loves you. Focus on God and read your Bible the Lord might show you a verse to help you.

 

i am so sorry to hear man. i can't even imagine how painful that is. but god takes the good first. as many have said he wouldn't want u to live ur life through drugs and especially run the risk of getting caught. yea he died way too soon. but you didnt and its not worth living your life unhappy becuase you/or anyone you love could die any minute as well. be happy man! were all here for you.

 

x2!!!!


im pretty good guy and so is everyone else on here!
im sorry to hear that i havnt dealt with death a whole lot but there was definatley one time i have and it was the worst thing ever (my friend drowned right in front of me.. i couldnt do anything)

anyways God is the Almighty... i promise you He did not take your brother cuz he wanted you to be miserable... it was his time to be in Heaven... no matter what God will be there for you... ill be praying hang in there man!

 

GREAT! advice

 

+1

Find purpose from your loss. He will be proud you did. I am currently listening Victor Frankl's "Man Search for Meaning." Very much a classic and a great read/listen for all of us. His story is how he survived a concentration camp by using his mind in a good way.

I lost my two best friends while growing up - Another friend was responsible for his death. I am very good friends now with the one that accidentally killed them (my 2 best friends). Kind of weird, I thought I never would. God works in our lives in ways we don't realize. Although the older I get, the faster I realize the blessings that come from the trials. God bless.

One other thing. For many years I said that I would never be hurt like that again. Went through my days of alcohol. Made sure I never got too close to many very good people. Many years and relationships wasted due to my misunderstanding of what life was about. Once again, find purpose and not resentment.

 

Albuquerque bro ah thats cool i've never been in the area hehe

 

Thanks alot guys..seeing how many of you guys are so helpful is very comforting..much more than any therapist could offer..TW is a pretty great place..Thanks very much for the comfort and advice... I'm reading the posts over and over to make sure i beat this into my head..I've also suffered a serious fall to the head a couple years back causing me to lose some of my memory and having a hard time to keep recent things in memory but none the less i wont forget the advice offered here by total strangers who have been almost Family to me..Thank you.

 

Can't offer much more than what is already been noted here. Go back and read the post's involving Bill (longbow) and his bride Michele. This is one of his most recent post. http://www.tacomaworld.com/forum/prayers-support/54313-moving-process.html#post980435
Bill's wife Michele lost her battle with cancer just over a month ago. The power of our Lord was evident throughout the proceeding weeks as the TW members hit there knees in praying for a miracle. I feel we witnessed a miracle in that Bill and his girls were able to bring Michele home and witness her unwavering love for our/her Lord Jesus Christ. I'm not trying to convert you here, for me personally I have found that time alone talking to God helps me. Talk to him as you would a friend, ask and pray to him for answers. He will listen.
Your brother is very proud of you for this year of being clean and sober.
You are in my prayers.

 

^Well said Gary, and everyone else too!!

Welcome to the family of TW.........I'll be praying for you brother.

 

haha thats good to know someone is in the same boat..i myself fell down a stair case after breaking up with my ex haha..guess it was a good thing since i woke up and didn't remember her cheating on me haha..Good times..good times

 

good to hear we can help..TW is always glad to help. We need a virtual bar, like in Cheers.

 

I agree with everything that was said and only wanted to encourage you to follow up with finding a therapist to help you get through this. The steps of grieving are: denial, anger, bartering, depression, acceptance, you need someone that is a trained professionsal to help you with going through these steps and sort out your emotions. You are a young man with a lot to offer this world, grow up to be the man your brother would want you to be and the first step is getting counseling.

 

Sorry to hear of all your pain. I lost my big brother a little over 6 years ago in a car crash. Unlike you, I had him for almost 45 years, we were teenagers together. Only a year and a half age difference. Lot's of memories, some good, some not so good. Time makes it better but it doesn't go away. I don't really want his memory to go away. He's in my dreams alot, like the wreck never happened. I like them. Try to find some way to honor him. Do things you know he would like. I've made it very important to me to be a constant presence in his daughter's life. She was only 6 and doesn't remember alot about him. I make it a point to tell her good stuff about him. IDK, I wish I could be of more help. Keep your head up. Don't let it ruin you. He wouldn't want that. It's all part of the deal, if you're gonna be alive, then you're gonna be dead. I hope that I don't sound cold. It's just how I deal with it.

 

For a five-year-old, the images would be disturbing--stop thinking as an adult for a moment, and try to think as a small child who doesn't understand what is going on. The mind can bury what is painful, but often it come back eventually, and that may be what is happening now. Don't try to bury the images or forget them--deal with them as an adult comforting the child that you were. Tell the five-year-old you what really happened and try to deal with those images instead of just trying to forget them. Remind yourself that what you see is through the lense of a child, and that the reality is different, no less awful, just different. You've spent so much time trying to forget, but that hasn't worked. Maybe now is the time to remember, and then put them away in peace as an adult rather than locking them up in the fear and confusion of a child. Then maybe you can remember more of the feeling of him looking out for you and watching over you and replace those bad memories with good ones.

 

sorry to hear of your troubles my friend. dont ever let go of your brother......keep him close, but realize he would want you to be happy........and rest in the comfort of knowing he is in a far better place.

 

Thanks for the supportive input guys..it really has helped alot i've been doing my best to apply these as daily chores and it's seems to be working out..still see horrid images here and there but i remind myself what you guys have told. Buncha great people on here..i can't thank you guys enough!!!!!!!