I've been lowered to the deps, no longer a good person.

Let me preface this with I was raised with a strong morale character - my parents divorced when I was 4, we moved across the country and my mom worked full time. She did the best she could do, and I consider myself fortunate for the childhood I had. I love my father, but a role model he is not - he objectifies (is that a word) women, he has treated them badly, and instead of facing problems, buys expensive toys to make himself happy (he would always buy me expensive gifts - almost as if to try and "buy" my love. Eventually I moved in with my father for the later years of my childhood to at least get to know him better. I've reconciled most of my differences with my father - best I could anyway - As I was growing up I promised myself everyday I would not carry on his traits. I failed in this regard - and I've let myself down.

I've dated the same girl now for 3 years, we really rushed into the relationship, I moved in with her only after 2 months of seeing each other, I could not to move out of my dads, (I knew that would really piss him off). Things were great for the first 2 years, but then things really went down hill. We started to fall out of love, I am very centered on my career and she is still in school. The kinds of people she hangs out with are questionable types, not of the caliber I prefer (although I suppose I've made myself into a hypocrite). I've attempted to end it twice, explaining that the feelings are long gone, that I have no emotions left invested. And she finds a way to persuade me in staying. Maybe I'm avoiding the splitting up of stuff who knows.

Well not to long ago I went to Boston - almost on a mission of missery. I went to the bars, got drunk, and woke up in the next day to this good looking life guard geting ready for work. She walked me to corner, gave me a bearing, and said she had fun - no names, no numbers - that was it.

I had just cheated on the girl I have been dating for 3 years, I just shredded every little bit of morale fiber (and dignity) I had.

I go home, she suspects something, heres my chance to givem it to her - really piss her off, make her leave me, nope - where once a pair of balls sat, nothing, a desolate desert of nothingness, I couldnt admit it, I lied about the marks on my neck. (continue downward spiral - stage right)

A few weeks later I leave for school relatated to work. I've been talking to a girl I dated 5 years ago, shes engaged, about to get married (2 weeks away), and she is telling me how un happy she is (her family was basically pushing her to get married tot his guy).

Kansas City shuffle: We decide to meet up in a random city, and so Kansas City, with it's relative equadistant location seamed ideal. No expectations,not sure what I thaught, what to expect, I meat up with here, the feelings we had 5 years ago, definately not gone. She calls off the wedding (she says its not because of me, I want to believe that).

I'm incredibly busy with school, and I seem to be on somesort of self destructing path. I know what I should do, but I havn't been able to build up the nerve. Sorry about the book, I just hate the way things have turned out.I feel like I competely let myself down. How do you pick yourself up from that.

 

no worries in the novel you just wrote. You should definately end it with the 3 year girl..not fair to string her along in something you dont want to be involved in..Grow a pair of balls and give it to her plain and simple. Just make sure she dosent break your shit when your not there..dont be a pussy and write a note and pack your shit while shes not there...just tell it to her face.

 

Sounds like you are in a very shitty position, but you know what you have to do and you need to do it, it isnt fair that you are doing this to her. I wont lie, I have cheated, and the feeling is aweful, even if you dont care for her. Just gotta grow some balls and break it off with her man. Good luck

 

Leave before she gets pregnant to keep you. Believe me this is too common for women to do.

 

What makes it harder is I wont actually see her face to face until thanksgiving, I feel so shitty about this. I've called her and tried to talk about the relationship, and its almost like she is in denial. (I'm worried about my stuff - I know that's equally messed up)

 

relax.

this is life, love, and the pursuit of happyness.

 

furthermore...

finding comfort in the arms of a another doesnt make you a bad person.

Did the universe shift? NO.

Did some cataclsymic event happen? NO.

Did you dick fall off? NO.



BE HAPPY, this is your life...and you only have one to live.

 

X2 on this

 

Thanks guys - you're right, nothing good ever came from sitting around feeling bad from a situation. I need to just start putting the pieces together and solving one problem at a time.

 

just call her, and tell her..let it sink in untill turkey day

 

x2-- Shit happens. Just live life and enjoy it on your schedule.

 

One, You're not married to her. Two, no kids.
Just break it off... hope you have enough FU money saved to get a place.
If you're not happy, move on. She knows it inside somewhere.

 

Here phone is either off, or the battery dead. just my luck.

Oh, the place is mine, the majority of the stuff is mine. I helped her out financially ALOT. I guess that also made coming to this decision hard, I feel like I invested a lot (guess the way the markets were going, I should have know I was screwing myself)

 

x3... awesome reply... If your not happy then just end it, you gotta do whats best for YOU

OBTW....Sometimes they do go away, but they always come back

 

Guys thanks for the responses - I know what must be done.

 

yeah man id confess everything, that way you get all the weight off your chest, and leave her. what you did was wrong, but at the same time ive been in your position before. its going to be hard and you are going to get worse before you get better, but you gotta let her know and do what is gonna make you the happiest. best of luck!

 

I dated a girl for almost 5 years, from the time I was 15 until just a few years ago. Just like you, I told the girl many times that I didn't love her any more, and she couldn't accept that, so I stayed with her because she was all I really knew. Once I finally ended it, I felt lost with no friends, and I didn't even know who I had become (somewhat like you).

It's difficult, but the sooner you end things with her, the sooner you can start rebuilding and relearning yourself. To me, you're really only as "good" as you convince yourself to be. You didn't commit any crimes, so shift your focus and energy on something positive for 6-12 months and you'll see a huge difference! Good luck to you!

 

loving yourself isnt selfish. your not happy with the 3year broad. its gonna be hard, but its the best for both of you. just pack your shit and walk away. she'll tryto convince you stay again, but be strong and dont turn back. good luck

 

dude... just tell her and stick to it... i just did this with my ex of 2 1/2 years... there is no reason to live unhappy. absolutly no reason. yes... the first few weeks are gonna be rough. you will want to get back with her but dont let yourself do that. i did it, had the same feelings but told myself... your just gonna be miserable again.. dont do it. 2 months later.. ive been enjoying the free life... no worrying about whats gonna happen next... its been nice.. been happier too. im telling you... just do it. dont talk yourself out of it. just come right out with it.


good luck!