Work Restroom Etiquette

That's some funny shit right there! The gummy bears from hell...

 

I was work one day in a stall taking a dink dink and this guy walks straight into the stall, drops his pants, plop plops, pulls up his pants, flushed and leaves. Literally that fast.

Bypassed the toilet paper and sink all in one motion.

I'm not saying folks have to spend an hour on the can. But some hygiene is needed after a dink dink, at least the use of toilet paper!

I was mortified for days after this event. You cant tell me he doesn't go through a pair of underwear a day at least.

 

Update is that the new guy will most likely not be using the office bathrooms as much any more as he has been moved to outside office assignment and he is not happy....

Which I think will be a floating (support) position to help out at other building sites that the company owns and not the main corp office building.

 

Dink dink? Wtf kind of name for taking a shit is dink dink? That just reminds me of Spaceballs.

Perfectly good substitutes

Duece
Browns to the Superbowl
Dropping the kids off at the pool
Pinch a loaf
Leave a shit


Ill let others join in now

 

Greeting Mr. Hankey
Making a grunt sculpture

 

Captain's log...
Liquid Satan....
trout chili....

 

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit

This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

 

im laughing like an idiot reading these, the one about the army guy at the firing range was what set me off

 

We had a guy in our office who would pee in the urinal without using his hands. He would just stand in front of it with both hands on his hips, and, oddly, never left a mess. He was Indian, in his ,60's or so. I am hoping to one day learn this skill . . .

 

I about pissed my pants reading this but the title is what got me "I have seen the face of god" that had to be a powerful moment.....

4,911 of 5,252 people found the following review helpful
I have seen the face of God., October 21, 2014
By
Douglas Pope

This review is from: Haribo Gummi Candy Gold-Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery)
I didn't feel the need to plan my weekend around 5 small gummybears. But if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
It began with a noticeable change in the viscosity of my saliva. Within minutes of consumption, my mouth had filled with a thick foamy slime. Though I was in a cool climate controlled room a salty sweat broke out, and I felt my heartbeat quicken as my body threw itself into fight or flight.
The animal noises broadcasting from my pelvis were an ominous warning of the violent acts that were to follow. I shouldered my way into the bathroom, clawing at my belt, moaning with pain. The smell came first. It started sweet, almost tangy. That was quickly overpowered by a cloying chemical perfume.
The first volley of feces hit the water like soda cans and nickles. The resulting splash drenching my bottom in foul brackish water, but this was quickly becoming the least of my worries.
After another moment, the noises in my core hit a fever pitch and I was struck rigid with pain. The sweat was now running into my eyes, but the room had turned ice cold and my hands began to spasm.
I felt an insidious burning flooding my escape hatch. I gasped. Hot yellow poison began spraying from my rear, changing in pitch and echo as the stream of diarrhea whipped around the toilet bowl, creating a nightmarish Doppler effect that can only be appreciated in hindsight.
My legs fell asleep sitting on the toilet. I couldn't have stood up if I wanted to.
Wiping was a no-go. Toilet paper simply became a vile paper mache'. My hands were quickly soiled. A full blown shower was needed, and all of my towels had to be burned.
So happy with my purchase, would recommend to friends and definitely buying again!

 

^Not a verified purchase.

 

Still funny as hell!!!!

I will take this as a verified use and purchase:

So happy with my purchase, would recommend to friends and definitely buying again!

 

Meh complain all you guys want still isn't half as bad as going to a military academy. It was normal to piss in the sink/out the window in your dorm room so you didn't need to get into uniform to go to the head at 3am. It gets worse when every single person at the campus needs to be ready in the AM at the exact same time, showered and shaved. To many people not enough time or bathrooms.

If you research the Term "Waffle-Stomper" and realize that is a fairly common practice at certain places. You never wanted to see someone who wasn't in your company/dorm leave your head wearing a bathrobe...

 

But there is a special place in hell for the guy who shit under the floor mats in front of the sink.

 

in my building at work, we have a handicapped stall that also has a sink in it. On of the guys left a fresh steamer in the sink and our maintenance guy discovered it. We tried to look back on the camera footage but could only narrow it down to 4 possible people. We never figured out who made the donation.

 

the maintenance guy did it.

 

I live 25 minutes from the Mexican border, and as several other guys have said, their sewage system down there isn't good enough to put the paper in the bowl, so they have trash cans next to them.
What drives me insane is that we are in America, and have plenty of water pressure to go around and have a nice sewage system, yet they still throw it on the floor despite signs in English and Spanish. And to make it worse, some companies put trash cans in the stalls to cope with it, but that just makes the signs pointless!
This happens at anything from gas stations to Universities to big banks!
Also, paper towels in the urinals....who tf and why tf, I can't begin to understand...people are just mental.
But still nothing compared to some of y'alls stories. I have a whole new respect for the armed forces and cleaning crews and the you have to deal with

 

Thats a pretty crappy move.

Why would someone in their right mind do something like that?

RJM

 

He cleaned it up but not without putting up a fight.

 

Coming to a town and city near you!!!