1. Welcome to Tacoma World!

    You are currently viewing as a guest! To get full-access, you need to register for a FREE account.

    As a registered member, you’ll be able to:
    • Participate in all Tacoma discussion topics
    • Communicate privately with other Tacoma owners from around the world
    • Post your own photos in our Members Gallery
    • Access all special features of the site
    Quick Links: Door knobs Asshole Driving Adding a capacitor to a fuse for initial loading? Amazon Reviews! What kind of overpriced BS is this?! Are there any ratchet straps that don't suck?

One liners

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by yota243, Dec 12, 2016.

Page 1 of 2
  1. Dec 12, 2016 at 8:32 AM
    #1
    yota243

    #1
    yota243 [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2012
    Member:
    #85267
    Messages:
    21,620
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    E.J.
    north Alabama
    Vehicle:
    turbo 05 prerunner trd off road DC
    Bw s256 turbo with 3 in glass pack dumped pre axle raptor liner bed and top rails and fenderflares and rocker panels. Hunter side steps. Plasti-dipped upper fenders and emblems. satin black spray paint here and there inside and out. 5100's set to 1.75" up front . C channel front bumper. Maxxis bighorn 255/85/16
    I'm in need of a plethora of one liners and/or puns by this weekend and any and all input is welcome.
    Ill start it off with a couple but I would really like to have 20 or so "quality" jokes by Friday and I need some help


    It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take thing literally

    I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. all I did was take a day off.

    Two guys were walking down the street; one walked into a bar, and the other one ducked


    Atheism is a non-prophet organization



    oh also I need them pretty clean if at all possible
     
    yota243, Dec 12, 2016
    #1
    ChadsPride and DustStorm4x4 like this.
  2. Dec 12, 2016 at 8:32 AM
    #2
    DustStorm4x4

    #2
    DustStorm4x4 BBC 2020

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2015
    Member:
    #158634
    Messages:
    8,934
    Gender:
    Male
    U S A
    Vehicle:
    04 Jeep LJ
    :popcorn::popcorn::popcorn::popcorn::popcorn:
     
    DustStorm4x4, Dec 12, 2016
    #2
    Kyitty, ChadsPride and yota243[OP] like this.
  3. Dec 12, 2016 at 8:35 AM
    #3
    TacoGlenn

    #3
    TacoGlenn Nobody Makes a Monkey Outta Me!

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2014
    Member:
    #137821
    Messages:
    1,377
    Gender:
    Male
    PNW
    Vehicle:
    '13 MGMAC 2.7L SR5
    Hellwig 1251's, Leer 122, Kahtec smart stop delay flashing 3rd brake light, de-chromed, de-badged, WeatherTech mats, WeatherTech side window deflectors,


    *prophet?
     
    TacoGlenn, Dec 12, 2016
    #3
    ChadsPride and yota243[QUOTED][OP] like this.
  4. Dec 12, 2016 at 8:37 AM
    #4
    yota243

    #4
    yota243 [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2012
    Member:
    #85267
    Messages:
    21,620
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    E.J.
    north Alabama
    Vehicle:
    turbo 05 prerunner trd off road DC
    Bw s256 turbo with 3 in glass pack dumped pre axle raptor liner bed and top rails and fenderflares and rocker panels. Hunter side steps. Plasti-dipped upper fenders and emblems. satin black spray paint here and there inside and out. 5100's set to 1.75" up front . C channel front bumper. Maxxis bighorn 255/85/16
    fixed TY
     
    yota243, Dec 12, 2016
    #4
    ChadsPride likes this.
  5. Dec 12, 2016 at 8:41 AM
    #5
    TacoGlenn

    #5
    TacoGlenn Nobody Makes a Monkey Outta Me!

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2014
    Member:
    #137821
    Messages:
    1,377
    Gender:
    Male
    PNW
    Vehicle:
    '13 MGMAC 2.7L SR5
    Hellwig 1251's, Leer 122, Kahtec smart stop delay flashing 3rd brake light, de-chromed, de-badged, WeatherTech mats, WeatherTech side window deflectors,
    Here's a great clean dirty joke; that is, nothing dirty is spoken by the joker, but it is incumbent upon the jokee to complete the joke in their mind.

    What's the difference between a epileptic oysterman and a prostitute with diarrhea?


    One shucks between fits.
     
    TacoGlenn, Dec 12, 2016
    #5
    Mattynokes, WBF610, Mobtown Offroad and 1 other person like this.
  6. Dec 12, 2016 at 1:48 PM
    #6
    CJREX

    #6
    CJREX Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2016
    Member:
    #191027
    Messages:
    1,587
    Gender:
    Male
    Georgia
    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing

    How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

    A severed foot is the perfect stocking-stuffer.

    A blind man walks into a bar....then a chair... then a table...
     
    CJREX, Dec 12, 2016
    #6
    Mattynokes, ChadsPride, wilcam47 and 1 other person like this.
  7. Dec 14, 2016 at 7:57 PM
    #7
    yota243

    #7
    yota243 [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2012
    Member:
    #85267
    Messages:
    21,620
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    E.J.
    north Alabama
    Vehicle:
    turbo 05 prerunner trd off road DC
    Bw s256 turbo with 3 in glass pack dumped pre axle raptor liner bed and top rails and fenderflares and rocker panels. Hunter side steps. Plasti-dipped upper fenders and emblems. satin black spray paint here and there inside and out. 5100's set to 1.75" up front . C channel front bumper. Maxxis bighorn 255/85/16
    Bump
     
    yota243, Dec 14, 2016
    #7
    ChadsPride likes this.
  8. Dec 15, 2016 at 7:20 AM
    #8
    yota243

    #8
    yota243 [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2012
    Member:
    #85267
    Messages:
    21,620
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    E.J.
    north Alabama
    Vehicle:
    turbo 05 prerunner trd off road DC
    Bw s256 turbo with 3 in glass pack dumped pre axle raptor liner bed and top rails and fenderflares and rocker panels. Hunter side steps. Plasti-dipped upper fenders and emblems. satin black spray paint here and there inside and out. 5100's set to 1.75" up front . C channel front bumper. Maxxis bighorn 255/85/16
    Bump
     
    yota243, Dec 15, 2016
    #8
    ChadsPride likes this.
  9. Dec 16, 2016 at 11:31 AM
    #9
    wilcam47

    #9
    wilcam47 Keep on keeping on!

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2016
    Member:
    #176243
    Messages:
    54,184
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Will
    Bourbon state
    a baby seal walks into a club....
     
    wilcam47, Dec 16, 2016
    #9
    ChadsPride and yota243[OP] like this.
  10. Dec 16, 2016 at 11:37 AM
    #10
    yota243

    #10
    yota243 [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2012
    Member:
    #85267
    Messages:
    21,620
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    E.J.
    north Alabama
    Vehicle:
    turbo 05 prerunner trd off road DC
    Bw s256 turbo with 3 in glass pack dumped pre axle raptor liner bed and top rails and fenderflares and rocker panels. Hunter side steps. Plasti-dipped upper fenders and emblems. satin black spray paint here and there inside and out. 5100's set to 1.75" up front . C channel front bumper. Maxxis bighorn 255/85/16
    How Long is a Chinese man's name
     
    yota243, Dec 16, 2016
    #10
    ChadsPride likes this.
  11. Dec 16, 2016 at 11:40 AM
    #11
    Mac1owry

    #11
    Mac1owry Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2016
    Member:
    #203477
    Messages:
    88
    Gender:
    Male
    Corpus Christi TX
    Vehicle:
    2012 Baja TX
    some good ones
     
    Mac1owry, Dec 16, 2016
    #11
    ChadsPride likes this.
  12. Dec 16, 2016 at 11:43 AM
    #12
    kystnTRD

    #12
    kystnTRD Ramblin Man

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2007
    Member:
    #2741
    Messages:
    762
    Gender:
    Male
    NW Pennsylvania
    Vehicle:
    2016 TRD Sport 6MT
    Did you hear about the fire at the Circus? It was INTENSE!
     
    kystnTRD, Dec 16, 2016
    #12
    yota243[OP] likes this.
  13. Dec 16, 2016 at 11:45 AM
    #13
    wilcam47

    #13
    wilcam47 Keep on keeping on!

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2016
    Member:
    #176243
    Messages:
    54,184
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Will
    Bourbon state
    Bruce jenner's name translates to "Som ting wong" in chinese.
     
    wilcam47, Dec 16, 2016
    #13
  14. Dec 16, 2016 at 11:53 AM
    #14
    high n mighty

    #14
    high n mighty Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2015
    Member:
    #150031
    Messages:
    457
    Gender:
    Male
    Oshawa Ontario
    Vehicle:
    01 camo taco
    Two blondes walk into city hall, you think one of them would have seen it.
     
    high n mighty, Dec 16, 2016
    #14
    wilcam47 and yota243[OP] like this.
  15. Dec 16, 2016 at 11:56 AM
    #15
    gpb

    #15
    gpb Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2016
    Member:
    #195408
    Messages:
    6,140
    Gender:
    Male
    Atlanta
    Vehicle:
    2017 White DCSB TRDOR 4x4
    Google Stephen Wright.

     
    gpb, Dec 16, 2016
    #15
    yota243[OP] likes this.
  16. Dec 16, 2016 at 12:10 PM
    #16
    BKill

    #16
    BKill AKA Threadkiller

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2013
    Member:
    #113325
    Messages:
    1,566
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Bill
    College Station, TX
    Vehicle:
    2013 Tacoma PreRunner
    I love at the end of a one way, dead end street. Went to work and now I can't get back home.

    Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?
     
    BKill, Dec 16, 2016
    #16
  17. Dec 16, 2016 at 12:11 PM
    #17
    CJREX

    #17
    CJREX Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2016
    Member:
    #191027
    Messages:
    1,587
    Gender:
    Male
    Georgia
    Not a one-liner, but this reminded me of the newscast where the reporter was clueless about what she was reading.

    These are the names of the pilots from the Asiana crash at San Francisco International

     
    CJREX, Dec 16, 2016
    #17
    floodedkiwi, yota243[OP] and gpb like this.
  18. Dec 16, 2016 at 12:11 PM
    #18
    greeneggsnspam

    #18
    greeneggsnspam ಠ_ಠ

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2013
    Member:
    #115524
    Messages:
    42,619
    Gender:
    Male
    Houston, TX
    Vehicle:
    .gif
    Too poor to list anything interesting.
    What type of puns are you looking for? Any topic you want us to focus on?
     
    greeneggsnspam, Dec 16, 2016
    #18
  19. Dec 16, 2016 at 12:16 PM
    #19
    gpb

    #19
    gpb Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2016
    Member:
    #195408
    Messages:
    6,140
    Gender:
    Male
    Atlanta
    Vehicle:
    2017 White DCSB TRDOR 4x4
    In Defense of Puns:
     
    gpb, Dec 16, 2016
    #19
  20. Dec 16, 2016 at 12:22 PM
    #20
    yota243

    #20
    yota243 [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2012
    Member:
    #85267
    Messages:
    21,620
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    E.J.
    north Alabama
    Vehicle:
    turbo 05 prerunner trd off road DC
    Bw s256 turbo with 3 in glass pack dumped pre axle raptor liner bed and top rails and fenderflares and rocker panels. Hunter side steps. Plasti-dipped upper fenders and emblems. satin black spray paint here and there inside and out. 5100's set to 1.75" up front . C channel front bumper. Maxxis bighorn 255/85/16
    Well originally I needed some for a Christmas skit at church this weekend. I'm doing kinda sort like a weekend update news cast, so I was trying to turn as many of these into short news stories that I could, but I think I have enough now so anything is game
     
    yota243, Dec 16, 2016
    #20
    DustStorm4x4 and greeneggsnspam[QUOTED] like this.
Page 1 of 2

Products Discussed in

M18 Cordless Lithium-Ion 6-1/2" Circular Saw - 2630-20 - ( MILWAUKEE ) - BARE TOOL
$131.99
2016-2022 Toyota Tacoma 3.5 V6 Cold Air Intake System - PTR03-35160
$415.85
Mobil 1 104361 75W-90 Synthetic Gear Lube - 1 Quart (Pack of 2)
$28.27
OtterBox iPhone 15 Pro Max (Only) - Defender Series Case - Lichen The Trek (Green) - Screenless - Rugged & Durable - with Port Protection - Holster Clip Includes - Microbial Defense Protection
$44.99
Erickson 34415 Pro Series Black Retractable Ratcheting Tie-Down Strap (Pack of 2, 1" x 10')
$24.95
Cell Phone Booster for Home | Up to 5500 sq ft | Boost 5G 4G LTE & 3G Signals on Band 2 4 5 12 13 17 | Compatible with All US&CA Carriers - Verizon,ATT, T-Mobile & More | FCC Approved
$139.00
Renogy E.Flex-CORE 100W Portable Solar Panel, IP65 Waterproof Solar Charger for Camping, Fishing, Outdoor and RV
$127.99
KING BIRD Premium 10x6.6x6.6FT Large Walk-in Greenhouse for Outdoors, Heavy Duty Galvanized Steel Frame W/ 2 Screen Door Vent, Tunnel Garden Plant Hot House, Advanced Zipper, Green
$134.99
NOCO GENIUS2X2, 2-Bank, 4A (2A/Bank) Smart Car Battery Charger, 6V/12V Automotive Charger, Battery Maintainer, Trickle Charger, Float Charger and Desulfator for Motorcycle, ATV and Lithium Batteries
$99.95
Chums Hat Clip for Travel - Adjustable Hat Holder for Travel & Cap Retainer for Fishing Hats, Baseball Caps, Snap Backs & More - 9", Black
$4.99
NGK Spark Plug Stock # 3967
$6.99
Denso (3194) K16TR11 Spark Plugs, Pack of 4
$17.25
Toyota Genuine Front Disc Brake Pad Kit
$85.00
Toyota/ exxon mobil Case of 6 Quarts Full Synthetic TGMO SN 0W-20 Oil
$51.50
BAOFENG BF-F8HP (UV-5R 3rd Gen) 8-Watt Dual Band Two-Way Radio (136-174MHz VHF & 400-520MHz UHF) Includes Full Kit with Large Battery
$62.89
UV-5R 8Watt Ham Radio Handheld Long Range UHF/VHF Radio with 2 Rechargeable Battery, Portable Radio for Adults with Earpiece, GV-771 Antenna, Programming Cable (3rd Gen)
$39.99
Blue Sea Systems 5026 ST Blade Fuse Block 12 Circuit with Ground and Cover
$26.01
Genuine Scion - tC Oil Filter 1 Case (QTY 10) - 04152-YZZA1 by Toyota
$46.50
NOCO Boost Plus GB40 1000A UltraSafe Car Battery Jump Starter, 12V Jump Starter Battery Pack, Battery Booster, Jump Box, Portable Charger and Jumper Cables for 6.0L Gasoline and 3.0L Diesel Engines
$99.95
Tito's Vodka Pint Glass
$27.95
Amazon Basics Foldable Portable Laundry Rack for Air Drying Clothing, Indoor Outdoor Use - 14.5" D x 29.5" W x 41.8" H, White
$27.99
Rockin' Green Laundry Detergent, Plant based, All Natural Laundry Detergent Powder, Vegan and Biodegradable Odor Fighter, Safe for Sensitive Skin (Active Wear 90 Loads - Unscented)
$28.99
GunVault NanoVault Travel Handgun Safe for Pistols with Key Lock - TSA-Approved
$28.99
MICTUNING Heavy Duty 7 Way Plug Inline Trailer Cord with 7 Gang Junction Box 8 Feet, Weatherproof
$28.90
GiGi Hair Removal Wax Warmer, Multi-Purpose Warmer with Adjustable Temperature Control, for 14 oz. Wax Can
$27.69
NEMA L14-30P to L5-30R Power Cord, 30A/125V, 10/3 SJOOW - Iron Box Part # IBX-9523-01 (1 Foot)
$28.74
NaturVet Quiet Moments Calming Aid Dog Supplement, Helps Promote Relaxation, Reduce Stress, Storm Anxiety, Motion Sickness for Dogs (Quiet Moments Plus Hemp, 180 Soft Chews)
$27.99
Thermacell Mosquito Portable Repeller; Includes 12-Hour Refill; 15 Foot Zone of Protection; Highly Effective Mosquito Repellent; Deet Free Bug Spray Alternative; Scent Free
$27.99
XLUX Solar Lights for Steps Decks Pathway Yard Stairs Fences, LED lamp, Outdoor Waterproof, Warm Light, 6 Pack
$29.99
CarLashes for Jeep Wrangler JK, JL (1987-present) - Car Headlight Eyelashes - BLACK
$29.99
MySoil - Soil Test Kit | Grow The Best Lawn & Garden | Complete & Accurate Nutrient and pH Analysis with Recommendations Tailored to Your Soil and Plant Needs
$29.99
Porch Shield Waterproof Universal Generator Cover 32 x 24 x 24" - for Most Generators 5000-10000 Watt, Black
$29.99
PELLOR 360°Adjustable Padded Fishing Fighting Belt Offshore Tackle Boat Fishing Rod Holder, White
$29.69
Leader Accessories Black Waterproof Sweat Towel Seat Cover Universal Non-Slip for Car Truck SUV Seat for Dog & Kid Workout Outdoor OR Sport Activities
$29.99
Glad for Pets Black Charcoal Puppy Pads 23" x 23" AllinOne Puppy Potty Training Pads That ABSORB & NEUTRALIZE Urine Instantly New & Improved Quality Puppy Pee Pads, (Pack of 1, 100 Count Total)
$29.98
LEGO City Race Car and Car Carrier Truck Toy Playset, Vehicle Transporter with Adjustable Loading Ramp and Race Car Toy, Racer and Driver Minifigures, Fun Gift for Kids Ages 6 and Up, 60406
$29.57
AstroAI Digital Tire Pressure Gauge with Inflator(3-250 PSI 0.1 for Display Resolution), Heavy Duty Air Chuck and Compressor Accessories with Rubber Hose and Quick Connect Coupler, Blue
$29.49
Under Hood Rodent Repellent for Car Engines, Dual Action Ultrasonic & LED Strobe Lights for High-Efficiency Rat and Mouse Deterrent, Pest Control for 12V 24V Vehicles, Cars, Trucks, RVs
$29.90
Thermacell Mosquito Backpacker Repeller, Gen 2.0 with 16 Hours of Repellent; 15 Foot Zone of Mosquito Protection; Long Lasting, Deet Free Bug Spray Alternative, Scent Free
$29.75
Too Fast For Love
$29.72
USB C to Dual HDMI Adapter, UtechSmart USB C Hub to HDMI,4 in 1 USB C Hub Multiport Adapter with 2 HDMI Ports 4K,USB 3.0, Power Delivery Type C Port Compatible for MacBook,Nintendo Switch,USB C Device
$29.99
Cuchini Camel Toe Pad ~ As Seen on Keeping Up With the Kardashians and The Doctors!
$29.95
To Top