Norcal Spotted and BS Thread

Ha... haha..haha.ha... girth...

 

Funny how fallin' feels like flying, for a little while.

 

Similar experience, very different ending.

Wife and I were trying to conceive. Wasn't going well and we did tests to see if either one of us had an issue. (Turned out my wife had a thyroid issue, her body was rejecting the fertilized eggs).

The night before I was to give a sample, I slipped getting into the shower and crushed my junk. Purple and swollen and I was in a shit ton of pain. Appointment was a hard one to get, so I kept it.

Now, earlier in the day of the sample appointment, I went and saw a different doctor to make sure things weren't broken. The doctor was not someone I had seen before and I couldn't tell if the Asian name was a guy or girl. Considering the subject matter, assumed a guy. Nurse came in, took my vitals, reminded me of one of my aunts. Told her how I hurt myself and that I had a erection going on for 5 hours by then. Shit hurt too much to do anything, but couldn't because of the count test later in the day.

Nurse leaves after telling me to disrobe from the waist down. 15 minutes go by and the doctor shows up. I feel like I am on an episode of Punk'd as the doctor looks like an Asian porn star. Her skirt was barely long enough to cover her ass (which was spectacular btw) standing. She plopped down on her rolling stool and has me stand up so she could look me stuff over.

Now, I'm a red blooded man with a very dirty mind and even though the exam hurt enough that it made my eyes water and I wanted to die, I'm still standing up, beyond rock hard, with my junk within inches of this hot as hell Asian porn star of a doctor! She is so damn close that I can feel her breathing on my balls. All the while her hands are all over my shit, like a starving hooker wanting to get that extra $50...the ultrasound and warm gel, tingly buzz, and her...all I could do to not make a mess.

She then says something to the affect of having a blocked vein and I would need to massage it out to relieve pressure. I told her about the appointment I had for a count later and that I wasn't sure if I could do it because of the pain. I also expressed concern that I would be back after the count test with another painful hard on that wouldn't go away. She agreed with my concerns and asked if I could reschedul my other appointment. Been on the books for three months...no way.

She thinks for a second, sticks her head out the door to ask for something. Plops back on the stool and whirls it around and slides over to the computer. I know know she is wearing butt-floss, white lace, and how nicely she groomed herself. I'm sweating a bit, mind is full of naughty things, still naked from the waist down, and have the erection from hell now throbbing like mad. Nurse wheels in a tray with a cup (urine sample cup) and one of those paper things you get at the dentist so you don't get crap on your clothes and leaves with a genuine look of, "It will be okay, so sorry that you are hurting." Thanks aunty, always were my favorite.

Dr. Porn wheels herself and the tray over to me, giving me another fine look at her bits, and pulls the robe off my lap. Here I am thinking she is going to be cool and show me some trick to releasing the pressure, collecting my sample, and not killing my self because of the pain. The teenager part of my brain was like, "Since we're already here, why not just do me a solid..."

She did the most excruciating solid I have ever experienced. EVER! It wasn't fun. Her nice delicate touch turned into veteran meat packer as she drove her thumb into the blockage and opened it up. When that happened, I was searching the room for something to kill myself with and praying to God that I would be a good man forever if this would just stop. She then grabbed the cup and gave an unsuspecting squeeze and a poke and my sample "came" forth. Don't know what the fuck she did, but there was no joy or anything remotely fun in this experience. I'm thinking that monks have the right idea about celebate life. She comments that even though there is blood in the sample, the count can still happen. She did the ultrasound again and found no more blocks and everything was pumping properly. Had me clean up and dress.

While I sat there waiting for her to finish, I can't take any joy in what she is showing me. In fact, it was making me mad. (Wonderful side shot of her ass and legs...enough to make a gay man rethink his life). She wrote me a script for Percocet and 800mg Motrin and says that I don't need to keep the later appointment as she already forwarded the sample to the lab. Turns out she was the doctor on call for my later appointment. I mumble my thanks and hobble out. I make it to my car as my wife pulls in for her appointment. She looked at me like WTF happened and I give the bare minimum of what happened. Tell her that I was going to go home and OD on my new drugs. She gives a concerned laugh tells me she will check on me after her tests.

I sat in my car for a few minutes, reflecting on what I must have done in this life or the previous to incur this level of evil karma. I Google the doctor just to make sure this wasn't a sick joke... Real doctor and she appears to have a rep of doing exams with the subtleties of a jackhammer operator. She apparently has a habit of dressing like she did with me and being alone with patients. Didn't know that was actually against the hospital policy.

Worst day ever.

 

Holy fucking book of a post

 

Yeah but its some pretty good reading material while doing your morning duties

 

TL;DR

Need to change Doctors!

 

It was on option on my teardrop, and it just clamps onto the cabinetwork. Easily removed and used elsewhere. Here's a pic form the same day we took delivery about 4 years ago.



I'd love to be on the trail. For even 5 minutes. But life isn't really allowing that right now.

 

Oh yeah, not burning money, just reallocating funds.

 

Thinking of a man's swollen purple member does it for you every time eh?

 

I have the weirdest boner right now.

 

you guys a different kind of weird.lol
also you lucky bastards got warm gel when you got an ultra sound. Fuck, a few yrs back I had a pain in my right nut, that sucked the life right out of me. It wasn't the sex story these two lucky fucks had. went and saw my doc, he quickly scheduled the ultra sound and had concerns it might be cancer or a blockage. so i went straight there. good looking nurse, she comes in and says sorry this is going to be cold. as the cold gel did feel good as she rubbed it all around the boys i was no were near standing tall.The fear of cancer down under had me in a dark place. One of the best calls I got from the doc was a few hrs later saying im all clear no cancer, and recommended i massage it gently and prescribed me antibiotics as he thinks its an infection. How the fuck do you get an infection inside your nut sack? I have no clue, but it fucking sucks.

 

i know where he lives too ill go take a pic and then hell never know who is stalking him (its me..... I'm stalking him)

dude I was 3 when you got married

yes yes it does

 

Holy offset Batman!

 

Been there!

 

You don't how relived I was when I saw no resemblance!

 

I had an infection on my nut also a few years back. Did the same thing but the chick doing my ultrasound was butt fucken ugly (possibly a dude) so there was NO WAY "Jim" was gonna stand at attention.

 

I thought it should have started out "Dear Hustler: long time reader; first time writer".