So my girlfriend is.....

Damn, tough situation. I agree though, don't try and force some sort of relationship. It's either there or it's not there. Decide what's best for the baby right now. And I'd never rule out an ex no matter where they are located in the country. If she still wasn't over him a few weeks ago, don't know that I'd believe that has really changed.

Good you're going to talk to your pastor though. I'm really not religious myself, but it's good you're slowing down and taking a step back to really put some thought into the whole situation.

 

Thoughts:

-Getting together for a kid isn't going to work out long term... You broke up with her, and the only reason you're talking to her now is that you put a baby in her.
-Abortion shouldn't be used as birth control

-Wrap your tool or keep your pants on

 

My girl friend had an abortion a long time ago because it was 'the wrong time to have a baby'.
This year is our 30th anniversary. We have two great grown young men for sons.
I sometimes think about what that other person might have become. I am not ever happy about what we chose to do but on the other hand it's not like I think about it much either. I mean I'm OK with it. It's not a subject open for discussion anymore though, she would rather not remember.
I hope you make the right decision for you and her. This is one of the tough ones.

 

Just to clarify, she was the one that didn't feel like she had time to date, between school and emotionally because of an ex that was a long distance thing (she thought she was over it). As for the wrapping thing, umm yea we wont go there.
From what I gather from her, is that when she found out 3 weeks ago that (4 days before her hawaii trip) she was. She and I split about 2 weeks before and I am pretty sure she didn't jet to go w/ another guy. She chatted with a bunch of friends about what to do, she was so conflicted with the abortion thing, the day before she felt like she needed to call me and talk with me.

Facts:
-She left the relationship, I didn't
-the whole time we were dating, it was a nice positive experience, seemed like great friends and very compatible
-She isn't playing the baby thing to try to get back together
-She currently has a 6 year old, so I know (I asked) the adoption thing isn't a possibility

Guys keep in mind to, we aren't 16 year old high schoolers that realize that ohh snap I guess babies can be made that way. So I think the situation is a little different.

I did ask her if she posted an ad on craigslist looking for a babies daddy. (ok joking)

 

That's a really hard choice to make either way it will affect both your lives for ever. I'm not against abortion and I'm not for it but it's something you will both have to deal with. You have to think about everything can you support a baby on your own do you even really want to marry this girl. Good luck on whatever desision you make.

 

Options:
Abortion (i am not a huge fan of this): She and I go separate ways and deal with the emotions that come with it for life. or she and I go through with this and continue to date and see where things go, but if things work out, even more tension because of the abortion

See if a long term relationship works and keep baby: if things do work out well, great. If not is there now more emotional stress then there would of been by going through with an abortion?

Adoption: I know there is no chance she would ever go through with this option

Honestly I am not a supporter of abortion period, I am glad that she did come to me the day before and not the day after it. Like I said I talked her into moving to 2 weeks from now. So it is still an option, I don't support it though, but I am not going to jump up and down force her not to. I think it is more of a calm decision that two really need to make (regardless if you support it or not).
I wanted to get the pastor of my Church involved, he specializes on couples, individuals, pre/post marital counseling. I know that he works with some pretty rough people, so figured he would be a good 3rd party.

Tougher call: Work on a relationship, it works, well taco would have to go. I have an Acab and no carseat room!!!!

Thank you guys for all of you support and prayers. Along with suggestions. I am chewing on everything.

 

you got a very though decision on your hands

- For starts, I don't think abortion should be an option, I mean, the baby is there, whether you guys like it or not, there's 3 of you now. (im not trying to incite an abortion discussion here, its just my opinion)

- secondly, if there's no reason to be together other than the kid, I say its a no go, even if you think you are compatible and all, it will just not work on the long run.

- The way I see it, she is more afraid of having two kids without dads, than the child itself, so the other option would be, keep being friends, and the kid gets his mom and dad, only they are not married and just good friends. There will be though times when it comes to decisions pertaining the kid, but in the long run I think it will be the best, and who knows, maybe later you can start thinking about a relationship with her again.

 

first, since you aren't 16 and you are both very mature then there is no worry from either of you on getting the test to be sure it's yours. Do it!

secondly, since you are both 'religous', then you better both get on your knees and pray to God for guidance before you abort that little baby!! I don't feel in my heart, after you put this much energy into the possibility of abortion, that it will ever happen, just sayin'.

 

Pat test for sure man. You have to know for sure in a situation like this.

One of my best friends/roommate had broken up with a girl, and then had her say she was pregnant a couple weeks later. He asked the same questions, and then took responsibility. By the time that his daughter was 9 months old I was really doubting whether she was his because he's 1/2 black, and the little girl has blue eyes and not a hint of ethnicity. He had wanted to geta pat test, but it always seemed like things would drain his cash every time he had the money. I went ahead and paid for the test for him and told him that he could pay me back over the course of however long it took if she is his, and that he'd be able to pay me really quickly if she's not.

I came home after a date one night to find him drunk as shit, and I knew that he had found out the little girl wasn't his. He actually had the little girl with him when he found out, and he had to take care of her that weekend so he had a chance to get his legal representation together. After a number of months and filing legal paperwork the little girl's Mom finally agreed to pay him back a part of the money he head given her in child support over the last 9-10 months. We figured that this bitch ended up extorting about $12-15K from him over the course of the 9-10 months including the legal fees he had to pay in order to get off the birth certificate and etc.

On top of that he absolutely loved his little girl, and he was crushed that she wasn't his. That was last June, and he basically has his life back, but it still eats him up that he is no longer a part of his daughters life. The Mom finally apologized about 6 months after the pat test, but she was a real bitch about the entire situation.

Don't end up like my friend. Get the pat test right away. It's your right.

 

Thank you guys for all wise-doom and support. Looked into Pat test, now risk and way cheaper if you wait till AFTER baby is born, but.. yea.. Not to sure there.
She and I spent a lot of time together the past couple days. I do have to say she is a joy to be around, but ohhh so true that we would still be in the "honeymoon" stage of a relationship. I am looking forward to chatting with my pastor on weds. I will keep you guys posted as stuff evolves.
I agree that just getting married for a baby is a recipe for a disaster!

 

Do what feels right bro and dont let emotions rule the day. I know its a emotional situation but keeping a clear head will go a long way. Good luck with your situation and hope it all works out for the best

 

An old girlfriend of mine wound up pregnant(not mine, we were in the same group of friends, so we still saw/talked to each other) She and new dude didn't really get along. I asked her if she was going to keep it and she said yes. I asked her if she was going to marry him and she said "Look, just because I fucked up once doesn't mean I have to fuck up twice". She didn't marry him, they split before the baby was a year old. She raised a fine son mostly by herself. If it's yours, do all you can to do right for your child. If you and the mom aren't meant to be, there's nothing you can do about it but be miserable until it's over. Up to you.

 

And good luck to you

 

Completely agree. Lots of people out there want kids but can't have them. Hope she doesn't go the abortion route. In my prayers.

 

This is one tough decision I'm glad I didn't have to make in my life. Maybe its me but don't you have to get a Pat test to get her on your ins? The ins can look at your records and determine if you were married or not so you might want to look at that to make sure the ins company is on board with this since you would have to put her on your medical coverage...I don't know but trying to look out in the future as to what could happen.

Good luck and God bless!!

 

Ok so.. baby is being kept... Now......

 

Just have throw my .02 in here, if there are so many people ready to adopt why are so many kids living in foster homes until they are 18? Don't get me wrong i think foster parents are great, but it's not the same as having your own mom and dad.

Hope it all works out for you bud, not to beat a dead horse but make sure the relationship is going to work first. Move in together and feel each other out before you say "I do". You will learn so much more about person once you live with them.

 

x2

 

My prayers go out to you. My best friend just knocked up his girlfriend. He's only 22 years old.

 

I know what you mean….

I'm not sure if it’s better to bring a child in to a crappy begging or not giving it a chance at life at all. It is a really crappy situation dude… But look in to adoption first; maybe find someone to commit to the adoption before birth. Its probably easier to find a permanent home for a new born then an old kid.