Sobriety.... One year later... Please Read.

Courage - that's what this is all about and your courage to face your own demons and the courage to share them so freely with strangers on the internet says a lot about where you are in your healing process. Congratulations again on the sobriety... and to lighten things up a bit, you have lots more disposable cash to spend on fun toys that don't rob you of your health and happiness! Win/win

 

First off... Congratulations on one year. As far as celebrating I really don't know? I'm going on 6 years sober now and though I remember the date I never felt the urge to celebrate. I suppose it was because that night was so awful that I really hate to think about it. My wife reminds me every year and is proud that I was able to beat this demon. But truth be known... It was her and my daughter that had the biggest impact on my outcome. Without them I would have never made it on my own. That I am sure of. Maybe treat yourself and others to a very nice dinner? Being around the people you love and care about is all I ever need.

I agree.

And as far as the cash goes you are correct. It was amazing how much money I had when I stopped drinking. It shouldn't have come as a surprise since I was spending almost $100 a day on ways to drink. I would call up my friends and we would go out and eat lunch and drink quite a lot. When my wife came home we would go out to dinner just so I could drink. That's not including the beer that I bought at the liquor store on the way home from the fire dept. So 2 out of 3 days I was drunk. Once I quit you can imagine how much money I had to spend on toys and other things. I got a raise when I quit drinking that's for sure.

 

Come to think of it... The only way I really celebrated was changing my username on TW. It is from a song from Pearl Jam (one of my favorite bands) but it had a greater significance. The title of that song hit home for me as that is exactly how I look at what I went through. Now it's in my rear view mirror and I have passed that mile marker of my life.

 

2 years sober here. I drank daily for 15 years. Towards the end, I was drinking almost a case of beer a day. I was still working and all, I was an evening drinker. Sometimes on the weekends, I would drink all weekend long though. I was spending close to $150 a week just on beer, drinking at home. I never really drank hard liquor, unless it was a special occasion, or going out. I was wanting to quit so bad, I was checking out rehab places. Any decent one was $20k a month(really, how many addicts have this kind of money laying around. I'm sure there are people, but the majority don't. Plus the lost wages etc). I said screw that, I ended up just meeting with a therapists for 5-6 sessions. I've never been to AA, or any of that.

I Ruined a lot of good friendships along the way. One thing that I will say to anyone wanting to quit, or has addiction problems. When you do quit, you'll be thinking of all the times you messed up, relationships you ruined, stuff like that. That shit is water under the bridge my friends. It's ok to Learn from your past, remember the mistakes you made so you don't repeat them, but don't dwell on it, that's unhealthy. There is nothing you can do to change the things that have happened, so it's best to move forward.

Now if I can just quit these damn cigarettes..

Edit: and OP, congrats on your sobriety. You've seen things that would break a lot of people.

 

When I quit, I went to AA for a couple of meetings and I take nothing away from AA. It is a great program and a wonderful resource. The main problem I "personally" had with AA was I could get to the first step of admitting I'm an alcoholic but I couldn't get to the next 11. The issue is I'm an atheist so I don't believe in a higher power so I had nothing to release it to. Now I know that AA says your higher power could be anything and I understand but it just wasn't for me. So by sheer will I vowed to overcome my issue.

Like you I made some horrible mistakes and ruined a lot of good friendships but I am the one to blame for that. I agree that what is in the past is in the past but the memories of what I did still haunt me. I wish I would have handled my situation in a non self destructive way but I didn't and I take full responsibility for that. But whatever happened happened and I can't change that. All I can do is look to the future.

But what I can say is that once you quit it is a relief off of your shoulders. I don't wake up with a hangover everyday and start the process once again. Life is much better now and now I never even think about drinking. Honestly it never crosses my mind. I feel like I've lived two different lives. But it is what it is and I have to live with that. I still sometimes lay down at night and, if I'm honest, every once in awhile the memories of that night (and all the other things that I did) still come back. They are few and far between the further I get away from that portion of my life. But it will always remain with me. Luckily my daughter was only 6 when I did it so she didn't understand the full ramifications of my actions. But like I've said in the past, it is a very sobering fact when you tell a young child that daddy needs help and I need your help to hold me accountable for my actions. I'll always be ashamed of that. But to her credit she has done just that. If there is a silver lining in this, she wasn't 13 or so where it would have made a much worse impact on her than it did.

 

A friend of mine every year on his anniversary day buys a 6-pack of his former favorite beer and pours it down the drain.
He equates the feeling to getting a promotion at work, or hitting a personal record in powerlifting.

 

That sounds cool but I'd feel terrible about walking into a liquor store. I'm afraid the temptation would come back after I saw everything I used to drink. But I like his rational

 

Working on my 6th year of sobriety now. Since posting the original post on the 2nd of October 13, I hope it has helped some people dealing with this issue. I haven't had a drink since 2012 and I honestly never even think about it anymore. Thank you for all that have replied. Hope all are well.

 

Craig, thank you for sharing your story. You are a good man, stay strong and keep enjoying the amazing life you have! Wow, I am truly touched by this. Who would of known so many feelings and lessons could come from a truck forum.

 

Thank you my friend

 

I just hit 3 months sober this weekend.

 

Awesome my friend. Keep up the good work

 

After going through what I did the last three months sober, I can be sober the rest of my life.
Fiancé moved out but left her stuff for two months all while leading me on the whole time.
She had me put in PC but they arrested me and had court date that settled a few weeks ago.

now back to my new life

 

1st of all, thank you for your service Craig. The one thing that always stuck in my mind is a Fireman once telling me, buy the biggest vehicle you can afford, because of the fatalities in car wrecks they have been too. Especially with compact cars.

Peace brotha!

 

Congrats! You're still sharing your experience, strength, and hope for many! Bringing this back up to the top since the Holiday season is upon us. These times can stress a lot of folks out. If anyone is struggling with addiction please reach out here. Nothing changes if nothing changes. There are folks in this thread that have found a solution and will listen. You don't have to do it alone.

 

Hey Rick,

Sorry I missed this. I'm usually pretty good about keeping up with all the posts in here. Thank you for the kind words. Man... about the cars? I've seen it all. People that shouldn't survive an accident in a small car to people that shouldn't have even been injured die in a large vehicle. It's all about the speed and angle.

Thank you Judy. You're right about the holidays. It can certainly be rough this time of year. Hope all are doing well and anytime anyone wishes to talk I'll always be around for a PM.

 

I've read this before but today was an anniversary of sorts for me & it seemed apropos to come back. Thanks again for your honesty in this thread!

 

Thank you for reading it. Everytime someone posts in here it helps me remember exactly why I posted it in the first place.

 

Silly meme but it's appropriate. Many years ago today was a really tough part for me - "those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it."

 

I don't think about it when it comes around but my wife sure does. Every year on that date she tells me how proud of me she is for overcoming all that I was able to overcome. But truth be known... if it weren't for her and my daughter I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own. So they should get most of the credit.