Opinons About Love?

Just a simple question that I need help answering from unbiased people.


If you fall out of love with someone, is it possible to get it back?
Or is it gone once, gone for good?

 

Hard question...

Maybe give it a break and see if it was love. Like if you miss the other person and you want them back.

But its hard to say every situation is diff. you know.

 

Good point! If you miss the person I would definitely say you probably "love" that person. I would say that if you love someone you can't live w/o them.

 

Possible to get it back? yes. Worth it..... idk. There are many many women out there that will love you for who you are, maybe that was not one of those. Just go about your business, keep fixin up the taco.. and the hoes will come. By hoes I mean respectable good looking women.

 

Just cause you miss someone doesn't mean its love. It could just be habit. Like if you spend every day with this person then break up.... You're gonna miss em no matter what. You're just used to them being around

 

You're right...situations can differ. Details would help I guess.

My g/f and I live together, we been living together for 3 yrs. We both have problems communicating about things that are difficult to talk about because we both worry about hurting or making the other angry. So now were in this spot where we realize that we've been living together mostly dissatisfied for way too long. What could have been small easily solved issues are now big piles of mess. We can't change that, its both our fault.

Last week we started to drink and talk about what our desires in life were. As we drank more it all spilled out and it was on the table that we weren't happy in our relatioship. Our lack of communication and problem avoidance whittled the relationship down and got us to the point where we feel like roomates or good friends. There's no spark, no passion.

She really wants to try and fix it. I would too if I thought there was a chance, but its hard to committ to something when you don't feel it anymore. I'm wondering if you need to feel it for the other person to make the right changes, or if its the other way around and you can make the changes and bring the spark back.

 

Let me ask this what is it that makes it hard to talk. Example does she get pissed why you tell her something or when she says something do you get pissed. Like you and your taco she get mad about that and then you get mad and down the hill we go.

 

I don't think we have a confrontational relationship. I don't open up about the negative because I'm too cautious about hurting her. Its odd because people have described me as a cold person before. She is hesitant to bring things up to me because she says I look pissed/irritated when she does. In the past, problems didn't really pop up until one of us just got fed up. Me with her mess or her with my inability to keep up w/ my part of the housework, etc.

It irks us both that the only way we can really just talk about all this is to sit down and have some liquor. Its dirty but its worked and kind of allowed us to see what it should be like when we're sober. And when we talk like that its productive.

 

It is impossible for anyone but you to understand your exact situation. With that said, I have found that the longer a relationship lasts the easier it is to fall into the "comfort trap." After a while your daily life with a significant other becomes routine and unfortunately... boring.

Make sure your frustrations are a direct result of the relationship and not anything else. If you want to try and work things out, go for it completely. Try and be spontaneous, take a trip, try new things and take risks. The worst thing that can happen is that your suspicions are correct but at least you know you gave it your all. Best of luck and trust your instincts.

 

Well I am no doc but what it sounds like is unheathly for the both of you. If liquor is the only way you can truly talk to one another then a change needs to happen. She needs to relize that your pissed looked dosnt always mean your pissed. Let her bring things up. Get it out but dont lose your cool. Dont smile when she is talking cause then she will think your makeing fun of her. Listen, come up with solutions insted of stone throwing. In most relationships people tend to throw stones to make the other hurt or to push buttons. That needs to stop if you want it to work. If she gets mad about you not picking up the house. Start doing it with out her asking and you will see a change. But know this every couple okay most couples go threw this. Its what makes us diff. I dunno my .02c

 

Love is not enough for a long term relationship. You need more such as high compatibility, similar goals, values. You'll fall in and out of love with the person a number of times but the relationship can take it if it's built on more than just love.

 

I agree and will add..

"falling out of love is a poor excuse for quitting. Been married for 21 years and like dogbite said there are days where you dont feel in love, but there is a factor of faith and knowing that no one else completes you like this person...

 

I guess we should probably define the word "love" I am sure we all have different definitions of love.

Being married for 15 years, I would say that relationships goes up and down, good times and bad. But, it is how the two of you handle the situation that helps you either grow of fall apart. You will either build a stronger bond with your partner or put more strain on it.

 

hell no its not. been there... tried to do it... didnt happen! just isnt the same after that

 

i feel like you can love someone but not be right to spend the rest of your lives together. yes you can fall back in love but i don't believe in that second chance stuff. if you have these problems now, you probably will have them later. especially with communication problems. i don't talk about my feelings and broke up with my girlfriend of almost 4 years because of it. she wanted to get back together but i knew i would never be one to talk about my feelings. although she said she didnt care anymore, i knew it wouldnt work. to this day i still "love" her and we are great friends but that is all we will ever be because of this.

some people say that people change but in my opinion, those people who say that are usually just looking for an excuse to get back to what they had. give it time and decide if you want to give it another shot because nobody can really tell you what to do in a situation like this.

take my advice for what its worth. i am just a young dumb college kid

 

Love is Love but its different to many people in many ways. I was with my ex for almost 7 years and its been almost 9 months since we split up!! It was really hard at first but I have met other girls since then and its getting a lot better now. Do I still "love" her? In a way, yes because she was my first true love and I will never forget all the great times we had together. Am I "in love" with her? I think I was when we first split up but not anymore. Time has been a threat but a God sent as well. Had lots of time to think about if we were really better off being separate and decided that it was for the best. She is with another guy now and I'm just happy that she is happy. Even soul mates weren't meant to be and thats what we are to each other. Even after the split up we knew that we were soul mates and that nothing would ever change that. We dont keep in touch to much and its probably better that way. A couple months ago she e-mailed me about some divorce stuff and she even said that she still worries about me and wants to make sure I'm doing okay. But just take it one day at a time. You about the same age as me so no worries, we still have lots of time to fall in love again and make it better this time around.

 

Thanks so much for your thoughts guys! A lot of good things to think about here that I haven't heard before.

She was out of town this weekend and it was nice to be by myself. I didn't think I missed her much but it was great to see her when she came back. Some time apart, for a longer period, would probably do us good and let us figure out what we really want.

I agree that falling in love is a bad reason to quit if you've been in a relationship/married for a very long time. A lot of my friends are telling me that if we're having these problems this early on that it won't last anyway. That sounds a little defeatist to me too but I hear what they're saying.

 

There is a difference between enjoying some alone time and not being in love anymore. If you are married, it is always worth fighting to save it.

 

It's 2010 and my wife and I have been together and living together since 1992 ( senior year in HS) we have so many ups and downs it's not even funny. When we were younger we used to fight alot ( kids stupid stuff) and get into arguements all of the time. As time went on things got better, but most of that was counceling. Learn to communicate. Learn to actualy love, not just say it and think you need to be with this woman. If you love a person and feel that you want to spend the rest of your life with them you have to be able to talk and open up to how you feel. If you don't then it's just a life of lies and frustration. If you want to spend the rest of your life with them, why not make it a happy one and not a life of torture.
I guess it might be the voodoo also. The voodoo punany. Once it gets ahold of you there is nothing you can do, the voodoo punany.

 

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