Big fat comedy thread

I havent seen anything like this on here. Post videos of your favorite comedians or write your favorite jokes. A little comedy never hurt anyone. Don't want TW getting too serious now do we .
I'll start
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYqJFUxR_6U
Lyrics:
High School party, senior year
Boys and girls are all sippin' on beer
I like soda, where's the soda
Am I the only fucking person here that likes soda
I see you from across the crowd
I said the party is bumpin' and the music is loud
You're really drunk and you're looking sad
It's like a date rape ad

Girl, then we start to dance and
Girl, baby this is romance
Girl, I'm starting to grow down below, shit, why did I wear sweat pants
Girl, you're bodies like what
conjunction junction, that's a fine ass but
I'm like a cashew in a lollipop, Just keeping suckin' 'til you get to the nut

And I said
Let's rob an Asian kitchen, or stroll down the block
Either way girl, we're taking a walk(wok)...nothing?
You're going to love me the way my uncle did
Except you're not gonna to go to court for doin' it
Be a guillotine or my girl instead
Either way, you're giving me head
I'm gonna love you the right way
Shorty with a body looking hotty when I say

Girl
When I say girl

We go into the bedroom exchanging nervous laughter
Why's it called dry humping if I always need a towel after
You spread your naked legs and I see that wound that never healed
Even though you're yelling for me, I can tell your lips are sealed
We're both aware of my erection
You ask if I have protection
I say Well um no...I-I tried to buy em once I was in the convenient store my old baby sitter walked in I had to hide them near the tic-tacs I was so embarrassed I peed myself a little bit

Girl
Girl

Insert a euphemism
A sexy mental prism
Increase my pelvic rhythm
For you with my syllogism
I know your body and I know how to please ya
Don't thank me, thank wikipedia
Guys don't go down, well I am-
What the fuck is that, I should have brought my diagram
Ooh did you feel that, that was an educated guess
Ooh did you feel that, uh that one was a sneeze, my bad

High school party, senior year
None of that happened cause I wasn't invited...hm

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVw3JGy7DIA

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZVjKlBCvhg

 

Haha Jeff Dunham is awesome

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asQWrbcmHZI

 

jeff dunham is fucking awesome

 

Bill Hicks and Carlin have both been taken (RIP, dead heroes), so I'll take the one that's still alive...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OOCk7GdWNY

 

anything from Katt Williams bring epic lulz.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bAkrGYkV10&feature=related

Also, Louis CK is hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-otAJrtY-w

 

Ron White is my favorite. Jeff Dunham is really funny too.

 

never really listened to him before but damn he's funny!

 

if you haven't seen this guy, you gotta watch this. there are many times when i see or hear a comedian and i'm like "yeah, i agree with alot this guy says, or yeah, i've thought that before!" but this is the first comedian who i've listened to who could literally be an identical carbon copy of me. i've had most of in not all the same thoughts this guy has, but he's way funnier than i could ever be. but even the "muffin" skit for those who know what i'm talking about. i've had plenty of little deranged thoughts that pop into my mind at random moments just like that one. So having said that, here is the muffin skit. I will post up more good ones as i find them

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnOg01N1u3w&feature=related

 

Bill Burr on "racial movies that teach us a lesson"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeV7...514193670&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=4

 

Bill Hicks was an unheralded genius and quite possibly one of the most important philosophers of the 20th century.

That he was an excellent comedian with the same material should probably frighten us more than it does.

 

Bill Engvall, Rodney Carrington, Greg Warren (flute man), John Caparulo, James P. Connolly. I listen to Blue Collar radio on Sirius most of the day, laughing my butt off.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuTjQLfU6Gk

 

Balls on a Dog

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thYW2nQ1iM4&feature=related

 

yeah, i can see that. you can tell he's smart as hell. i have a new comedian to add to my list of favorites now

 

Women are assholes (because you cant punch 'em in the face)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ztd8Z1qbJ0c&feature=related