Midlife Crisis - never thought it'd happen...

...but I think I'm getting smacked in the face by it. Any of you guys older than 35 know what I'm talking about? Lately I'm just feeling down, getting a hair cut I'm seeing gray hair in my lap, plus there's less of it on top than there used to be. My belts getting tighter, been thinking about what it'll be like being old and feeble, all the stereotypical things that I always used to say I'd never feel. I know a part of it is actually my wife, she's been working a new position this year and has been working next to and with a guy all year. Yeah, he's married and has 3 kids of his own, but it still gets a little old when you hear "WE did this today, We did that today" and you realize your wife is talking to other guys more than she talks to you. Our work schedules used to be similar but this year we've been seeing less of each other because of work. I'm trying to hold it together and not get down or do anything crazy, but it's definitely starting to drag on me. I almost don't want to post this at all, but I've gotta vent a little.
Anybody know how I'm feeling?

 

I know how you partially feel. I'm 36 and seeing more and more gray hairs every time I look in the mirror. My wife works at a day care, so there's primarily only women working there. Hopefully, things work out better for you during the last half of the year.

 

Don't worry it only gets better

Just kidding, Red sports car or truck will fix it.

 

I don't fall into your age grouping but I am almost bald, been noticing less and less hair on my head since I was 23. No biggy. Oh and you know you can vent here anytime no matter what.

 

As long as you have your health. Nothing has really changed.

My wife and I both work, and with kids activities, it's really hard to find time for each other. You'll have to make it a point to spend time together. Make a date and spend some time talking and dreaming.

 

Ha, well, already have the red truck, and the only sports car I'll have for a long while is the hotwheels cars in the basement. My motorcycle helps things in that respect, but it's 30 years old so I've gotta keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't die on me.

 

The thing to remember is that you're not a kid anymore, and that that is ok. Being an adult has TONS of advantages, such as money for toys, respect, and the right to do the things you want, when you want without answering to a parent/teacher (just the wife to consider ).

You can't do much about the gray/balding, but I look on them as signs of maturity and masculinity. They will only bother you if you let them...so don't let them, just embrace the person you are and own it.
Try to stay active, work out, and do things like mountain biking, hiking and kayaking to help stay fit and you will be spry and active for a long time to come.

 

Enjoy it we have worked hard to get thisfar.

 

Know exactly how you feel. Went through the same thing in my late 30's. I made the choice to accept what was happening and embrace the changes.

You need to look at yourself and figure out what you want in life and what will make you happy.

Maybe your wife does not make you happy. If thats the case, get a divorce. More than 52% of marriages end in divorce.

 

I'm 29 and I was slapped in the face by it - I think... Losing hair on a gradual basis these days, bored with life - even though I have a "cool" regular job (which I am not at liberty to talk about) and a cool after-hours job as a DJ, and wifey that is a pain in the ass (more now than ever before). And I do my best to hold on as well, but I'm at the point where I don't care who she talks to or flirts with, cause at least I have some free time then. Add a shitty commute to that because wifey doesnt want to move closer to where I work and well... I end up drinking some Jameson at the end of the day.


To add to that, I stupidly let my half-brother move in with me... who not only turns out to be a weirdo - but a self-declared flaming butt fairy too. Aside from his usual laziness with the three things I ask him to do around the house to contribute to his room and board ( = wash dishes after we cook, take out trash, take out recycling); he still finds time to get up at 7am to go visit his boyfriend - who dresses like a chick - for some anal action... But very difficult to get him to do those things he is required to do. Further, he JUST now got a used car and has yet to get it street legal so he can drive himself anywhere. Did I mention he was 20 y/o w/o a liscense yet!!!!! Fuckin A.


So, to solve my woes:

1) I told my homo half-brother that I wasn't taking him to work anymore - now that he owns a car. This should force him to get his shit in order. I also told him that I am not renewing his lease and that means he moves back in with Mom. If he can't carry his own pack at least half the time - I'll be dammed if I carry it for him at all.


2) I picked up a mint 2006 Mustang Convertible w/ 18k miles... At least I can look dope on sunny days during my long commute home.


3) I volunteered to go to Iraq for a 2nd Tour! Oorah!!! I go out in September. And if I were not in Iraq, I had planned on starting back up my skydiving habit when I turned 30. Only drawback will be lack of Jameson at the end of the day.


4) When I get back, I am getting a new motorcycle... and gonna ride away my weekends - at least till I have kids. Then, my focus will be preparing them for adulthood with basic life skills.

5) Last thing I have yet to do is up my life insurance...


So, my point bro - is you are not alone out there...

 

The first thing you can do to make yourself feel better (assuming you are not already doing it) is focus on your health and fitness. It will literally make you feel better, rejuvenate you body, improve your mood, and help with feelings of esteem, especially among the womenfolk. And the results will get your wife's attention. But mainly do it for you. If you are feeling better about yourself physically, the next step, finding what else you want to pursue or fulfill yourself with, will be easier to discover.

In the early thirties, our metabolism slows tremendously, and we just can't eat and drink like we used to. And guess what? It will slow doen even more when you hit 40. And it gets harder and harder to regain a decen tlevel of fitness. So do yourself a favor and start now. As a bonus, testosterone levels drop too. You still might want to go hit every sweet piece you see, but you'd actually rather take a nap...

I got back to things that I used to do in college and before all by college buddies redistributed themselves all cover the country. Mountain biking, hiking, learned how to snowboard. Those might not be for you, but just an example. Whatever activity or hobby made you happy. It felt good to play again. Play is very important.

Make fitness/health a priority by scheduling it like a very important appointment that you can not miss.

Also, do the same with time with your wife. Make dates. Go somewhere neither of you have been before to stimulate you both. Or better, encourage her to join whatever regular activity you like doing that you can share together. I know it can be hard of your schedules don't synch well, but you can figure it out if you are motivated.

Oh, and gray = distinguished. It's hot. Chicks dig it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI58wj4b4g0

 

Most interesting man in the world is my hero. Him and Chesty Puller.

 

Yeah...it sucks! I know exactly what you mean!

I quit buying WalMart clothes. Most of my clothes now come from American Eagle...Aeropostale....Hollister. Trying to actually be "in style".

I started dying my beard (No play for Mr Gray!) to get rid of the gray. My hair ain't too bad yet.

I did start going to the gym. Lost 24lbs and starting to gain it back in muscle now.

It seems to be working...LOL...my ex-wife even commented how good I look.

But I feel "STUCK". I'd like to get out of this town but at my age and profession...I don't think too many companies are looking for a 35yr old IT guy.

I've dated a few REALLY weird chicks......I would like to find a girlfriend to hang out with so we'll see if the new clothes...dying my beard and working out helps!!

So yeah....midlife crisis sucks....trying to look like I'm 22 again. Life was easier sometimes being married.

 

Grow a mean ass beard! nothing says your a man like a sweet ass beard and some guns. recreate this picture but with you in it. Everytime you look at it you will grin and remember that life is not that bad.



oh and rent one of these for the weekend

 

The only difference between being married and being single is having to "ask permission" when you want to do something. Just doing will get you such a ration of shit - that you might as well just ask.

 

Stay safe in Iraq. Why kind of motorcycle are you looking to get?

 

Used to ride rockets... F4i was my first bike - then an RC51. I'm thinking a cruiser... Maybe a Harley.

 

I like this thread.

 

The crisis happens to everyone, including me. It's your mindset that will carry you through. Some physical things you have to accept, the others are yours to change.
It maybe a two way street with your wife, but you have to be moving to make progress. Make positive changes in the way you treat your wife. She will notice and it will pay off. Go out of your way to do the special things she enjoys. Whatever you do, don't get stupid jealous. It will backfire. A little healthy jealousy is ok. Just make it motivate you to treat her better.
X2 on the physical fitness! It makes a huge differance in energy levels as well as feeling good.
Hang in there! You can do anything you demand yourself to do.

 

Think of all those dudes that come back from Afghanistan and laugh at all our petty squabbles about life. Those guys have faced DEATH! Whatever it is that bothers ya... it's not that bad! Go do something FUN for yourself, NOT CRAZY! Go have fun with your wife or family and ENJOY yourself!!! Good luck dude!