I need to vent..you all are the only people around

I agree with everything said here. Nothing we really say can make anything better. Its all the friends and the family.


All I can say is that Your wife couldn't have been totally commited to your marriage if she was just going to leave you without hint and leave her children she birthed.

This is one of the things that everyone fears... It sucks that it happened to a Christian, innocent guy such as yourself.

Family Counseling, Lawyers, and time can only put this train back on the tracks.


This is a Bible verse from a book called God's Wisdom for your Every Need

"Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.
But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you"

1 Peter 57-10

 

damn this must have been a crazy 24hrs for ya bro...keep the faith, and as others have mentioned, time heals most (not sure about all) wounds. sounds like crappy tired out cliches, but i've had to regroup with my wife a couple times and can empathize.

sounds like you've got some good brothers on this site you can count on to help keep your head straight, but have someone you can talk to, don't let **** build up till ya burst, especially with having two kids in the house (that's a whole other topic being a single-parent, especially unexpectedly).

prayers and thoughts and best wishes for you man.

 

Have you spoken to her since? Was there any sort of indication that she was unhappy? I reflect what Chris said... Go talk to someone, possibly someone that is not connected to the situation, so they could be a bit more non-judgmental on both sides.

Also, you do need to be ready if she walks through that door tomorrow morning and realized that she made a HUGE mistake. The decision to leave you is one thing, but obviously to leave her two children is on the edge of irrational. She could realize her mistake and come back. Are you going to love unconditionally, or are you going to show her every single thing her did, and make sure she knows it?.... You need to have a level- headed plan so you don't start acting irrational as well.

Best of luck in resolving this, no matter what the outcome.

 

Remember there is light at the end of the tunnel.

This happened to somebody I know a really long time ago. She took off and left him with two little daughters. He ended up having to change jobs and moving so he could better set up his life to look after the children. Seen him again a few weeks ago. Still smiling. Kids have all grown up and are married now and probably with there own kids too.

It can be done. A life changing event but whatever, Make the best of it.

 

Well said!!

 

I know...and I didn't take it that way.

It is hard to take sides without her side of the story.

I keep thinking about some 'foul play' involved. If someone put a gun to her head - there'd be no struggle at all and a good reason for the money to disappear.

Atticus951 - Can you look around to see if she actually packed a suitecase? Are there any signs of personal belongings or hygen products that she normally takes with her on trips...but didn't take them this time? How about shoes? Does she have a cell phone? Is she employed? Has she shown up for work?? Any other regular and usual appointments that she hasn't attended?

Obviously, I don't know the extend of your relationship - but if you had a wonderful 20 years with no signs of distress......I'd personally be suspicious. But - you might have other thoughts.....

Did she take a vehicle??? You could contact the police and talk to them about how you could work around your situation. Not sure if they'd allow you to report a 'stolen vehicle' (per say) and whether this would help FIND her. Ultimately to find out that she's OK (and hasn't been kidnapped) or she simply had to move on.....

Just some ideas....

 

Midlife crisis + new boyfriend = goodbye

Make sure you stay in constant contact with your kids so that they are not worried that you are both going to leave them!

Stay strong.

 

X2 you never know weirder shit has happen. But i do feel for ya and hope everything works out for u.

 

My thoughts as well. Hang in there, keep your head up, and don't fight fire with fire; that lawyer is your new best friend.

IMO, given the circumstances and the money involved. I would talk with your lawyer about filing a missing persons with the police. Sooner or later you two are going to have to meet back up/communicate to settle legalities if she did in fact leave.

 

No wives cannot be charged with theft unfortunately. Don't even go there.

Remember there is no such thing as the perfect man. It simply does not exist. It's the flaws that make life worth living. If we where the exact same life would be just one big bore. Look no further than the news stories coming out of Hollywood. If guys like that can't hang on to there women mere mortals like you and I don't have a chance in hell. In a year or two she'll have the new fling picked clean to the bone.

This is the problem, women think all guys are perfect when they first meet them because they pay attention to them but after time life sets in. Seems like the only people paying attention to them are more single guys. Even if a guy like you payed attention to her it simply does not count cause your that guy. You don't get credit for it. Some doofus could come around pay the exact same attention and it counts. Only cause there on the outside looking in. When there on the inside it just simply stops. Others will seem to be paying the perfect attention to her.

You just have to give it a laugh. Know that some day you'll hear stories about her relationships and you be just smiling.

Your kids are almost grown up. My buddies where still in diapers when it happened to him.

Remember the best revenge a guy can have is let the new person have her. Go for it. A few years from now it will finally dawn on him why your still smiling.

 

that sucks so bad. i am sorry to hear. can you sue for alienation of affection up there ? if so, i would be finding out who she is with. i know you can't in some states.

 

Now this sir is great advise! Especially in light of your situation.
I hope I didn't offend by stating that your life may be a joke. We have had stranger things happen.
From reading all of your post sounds to me like you are on the right track and by all means use the great people here to vent. We are the largest family I have ever witnessed and been apart of.

Lucas.

 

I'm not accusing her of theft.

The whole idea behind reporting the vehicle stolen - is to locate the vehicle. If someone kidnapped her (with the vehicle), that's one way of trying to find her (and the vehicle).

 

Well you can report her missing but really there is not much you can do. She left a note. She's all grown up. Obviously there is evidence it was not just some random act.

At first he is better off to not wasting time looking for her. Get those first few court hearings over with first. That is the job that must be done in a timely fashion. He's got the kids she will eventually show up. You can serve her the papers at that time. You need one witness. If she works though it will be impossible to hide. Serve her the papers right at work. Once she has the papers she's screwed if she shows up to court or not.

 

There has been some good advice given here...

Best of luck to you in getting your and your children's lives back to your new normal. Life happens and it doesn't always work out the way we want it to.

Janster does give some good advice to make sure she wasn't forced to write the note and take the $$ out of your account.

 

Talked with my lawyer today. I am going ahead and filing for divorce obviously, getting custody of my kids, and hoping to reconcile with her on the money. I found evidence of infidelity today. emails phone records. Janster: there was no sign of foul play. Her bags are gone with most of her clothes. Her car was still there, she didnt work. None of her friends have heard from her.
Thank you all for your support. And even in this dark time I would like to give glory to God. I had lost my faith the past few years and I found myself far far away from my convictions. The moment I read that letter I found myself not cursing the name of the Lord, but rather calling out to him. He is great and He is what is keeping me going now. Every fiber in my being feels like giving up, but the Lord won't let me. Thank you all and praise be to God. He does work in mysterious ways. I had to fall from the mountain top to see the light again.

 

holy fuck thats so messed up to just up and leave your kids at those ages. im so sorry

 

ask your attorney about alienation of affection. if you can do that up there, i would.
i have a close friend that had the same thing happen to him. he did it and now he has his kids college paid for. if you are not familiar with it, basicly, you can sue the person that your wife is having the affair with. child support would be an issue as well. i admire you for your religious conviction, i wish i was as dedicated as you. i might be, if it happened to me. all i know is if it happened to me, i would be exploring
every legal avenue.

 

This is the exact thing that happened to my family. Parents married for over 25 years and my mom did/does the same shit. She is still not over it and wanting more from my dad when she's been seein the other guy for 10 years now! Luckly both my sister and I were out and in college by this time. Im sorry to the OP for the situation, but it will get better. I cannot give you any better advice than whats already been said so I'll just say my thoughts are with you. Hang in there and get those kids. They should always be your #1 concern. Good luck. WE are all here for you too.

 

Hank, I want to take this opportunity to extent my sincerest apology for my comments posted on here. I regret them and so please except my apology!!