What's ur best Chuck Norris Joke?

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

 

That musta been one helluva waitress to withstand 45 minutes...

 

CN daughter once lost her virginity. He got it back for her

 

Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.

 

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with over 20,000 women. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday".

 

The IRS called, I told them Chuck Norris handles my taxes. They apologized for dialing the number and hung up.

 

Saw this on another thread
If chuck Norris and super man got into a fight the loser would have to were his under wear over his tights

 

Chuck Norris once was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 agonizing days the snake finally died!

 

Chuck Norris doesn’t teabag, he potato sacks.

 

Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles is not fiction.

Chuck Norris ate a small turtle and when he shit it out it was 6 ft tall and new karate.

 

When you ask Chuck Norris what time it is....he "answers 2 seconds till"......of course you say..."2 seconds til what" as he round houses your face.

 

Chuck Norris is my Friend!

 

-Every password I have is ChuckNorris cause no one gets pass Chuck Norris.

-Everytime Chuck Norris looks into a mirror it breaks, everything knows not to get between ChuckNorris and Chuck Norris.

-Aliens actually exist, they're waiting for Chuck Norris to die before the Invasion.
*Good thing he will never die!

 

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.


and......


Why doesn't Chuck Norris have hair on his balls?

Because hair doesn't grow on iron.

 

Chuck Norris doesn’t have doorways in His house he walks through walls.

 

Chuck Norris’ truck is lifted 6”....



Every time he needs to look under it.

 

Chuck Norris can simply walk through Mordor.

 

When the boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris comes in first and third in a Circle Jerk...

 

Not a joke but a true story:

1972 The heyday of Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris flicks.

Tapei, Taiwan I was on a martial arts tour. In the evening a local offered to take me to the shopping district as I liked those intricately carved ivory pieces. On the way back walking toward the hotel my guide (a real badarse btw) takes me through an alley.

Halfway down the alley a young woman from the door calls me, then five guys step out of the wood work, some with sticks etc start walking toward us. As we are surrounded my guide says to me in broken English to take the folks on the right, he will take the other half. I am thinking I will take out the girl if I am lucky and he can take the dudes out.

They all start yacking at each other in Chinese. Then they start posturing to fight, I am preparing to die, they start yelling and my guide yells something at them. The agressors beat a hasty retreat. My guide does not have the English skills to tell me what happen so we get back to the hotel and I ask my instructor Sho Kosugi what happened?

A short discussion in Chinese results in everyone laughing hysterical. Sensei Kosugi explained that my guide told them I was Chuck Norris and they had better leave, so they did.

At the time I actually had a Chuck Norris haircut. I am one lucky dude.