Grab a drink and enjoy the dumpster fire flames!!

Cuz your a pervert.... ? Idk lol

 

There may have been some of that too.

 

Bahahahaha

 

Alright... let's get personal up in this dumpster fire...

Let's here your most embarrassing "oops, I Shit my pants" story

 

Easy. My life has turned out so bad I spend my evenings reading this thread. I know, life is fucking over....

 

I work in a recycling plant. We get all kinds of fucked up shit. I don’t have the picture for I’m about to explain, but if anybody has any tips on how I can dig it up I have an Apple iPhone. So, this 10 or 12 inch suction cup dildo with the strap on it to fasten it to whatever came in. So after much messing around with it, A couple of guys head stuck it on a coworker’s front bumper. It was night time, and it was pouring out,And he drove right by it in the machine and didn’t see it.parked themachine and then jumped right into his truck. Drove 10 miles home with it on his front bumper.

 

figuratively back when i was working Fire Department in my home town i had a new guy who just got out of the Fire academy assigned to shadow me on calls; this particular call was for a power pole on fire. as we arrived we had a pole burning about 3/4th up we are deciding on how we want to handle this incident because its on one of the 4 main roads in my town. with pedestrians walking near it im like yo we need to put up some Fire line do not cross tape up. the fire captain on my engine was like yeah go do it right at the base of the pole. with an obvious collapse hazard me and the fire captain argue over this with the guy shadowing me right by my side very confused about how i can just call the fire captain an idiot like that. so we met in the middle and i was gonna do it at the next pole over. so me and new guy go over to fence and tie off the tape and thats when the pole snapped. all i remember is the sound of the pole cracking, someone yelling, and a bright blue flash with the hum of high voltage electricity and just like that i was in the middle of this 4 lane road with moving panic traffic all around me and a high voltage line dangling right were i was standing ( and 1000lbs of transformer and wood where the captain wanted me). and just like that i had fresh skid marks

 

Bacon friggin strips

 

...... figuratively? Don't you mean literally? C'mon... you shat your pants literally



Edit: this gif made me want to watch Liar Liar again. Good movie haha

 

Ok gimme your truck then

 

I realized one night I was traveling the wrong way down a highway. Ever see plane trains and automobiles? Not as dramatic, but close. And I did put a turtle head in my pants

 

And to check my pulse

 

I'm an engineer at a fire department. I occasionally get appointed as captain. I'm left with a driver that doesn't want to drive and when a fire comes in I have to go to the map to show him his hydrant. My firefighter is a brand new green rookie as well. Wouldn't be a big deal but we are supposed to hold a position for 2 years befor stepping up and I've been in mine 8 months and am getting stuck with greens.

 

At least they are getting a good teacher.
It must be a little nerve racking to wonder if they will have your back or not

 

I thought I deleted my fb profile.

 

Nothing on the internet is ever really deleted...

I have all your pics... ALL of them

 

This look familiar? See I gots them all