Wife's first deployment since being a mother.

My wife has her first deployment coming up, and she's also a mother. I got out of the military in 2015 when we decided to start a family, but she figured one of us should do a full 20 for the benefits.

I am super worried. It was easy to be alone or be away when it was just Us.

I am worried about being a single dad with our closest family 1100 miles away

I am worried about her ability to adjust to home life after missing such a formative year for our only son

I am worried about her ability to understand I did the best I could as a father when she was away.


Anyone else ever deal with this? I really thought after 6 years in and another 3 years as a traveling aircraft mechanic in the civilian world I was more prepared for being a military husband, but my inability to sleep says otherwise.

 

Many people deal with this, it is part of the military life. Theres resources on base to help, also friends...hope you have some friends to help in case you cant pick up your son on time from daycare. I assume you also work. but stay in close contact via phone or letters. How long of Deployment?

 

Slow down and take a deep breath. All military bases have support units to help and guide people going thru exactly what you are going thru now. Hundreds of thousands of military folks are/have gone thru it and you are no different. Sometimes just talking to someone else helps. Give them a call for support and help and you'll be fine.

 

This is your chance to blow all the deployment money on truck parts and pick up a side piece. Time to live up to the dependa reputation.

 

Is she active duty?

 

What branch are you, and where is she going? I might be able to help connect her to some people depending on that info... Give her perspective while she's gone.

I just got back from a one year to Turkey. My wife did great with the 2 boys on her own. I'm still not with them as we are waiting for one to get done in school before they join me... There are programs everywhere to help people out. Whether you or your wife are religious at all, the chaplain is always helpful. PM me if you need any help.

 

Haven’t been through anything like that. Closest thing was picking up a lot of extra shifts at work resulting in me being away for 96 hours at a time, but that was before we had kids.

Endless respect for everyone in the military.

 

Should have been more clear. We are 160 miles from the nearest active duty base (jblm) and her reserve unit is absolutely horrible. Literally the worst command climate I have ever seen. There is absolutely 0 connectivity between her command and the local FRG. Anyways, I'm not really worried about the whole "picking my son up on time" bit, as my work is super supportive, I'm more worried about "am I doing enough as a father to teach and nurture my son" and "does he need a positive female influence?"

Also I am WAY more worried for her. I am mostly concerned she will get mega de0ression upon returning home.

 

Thank you and your wife for the service to our country and the sacrifices you both have made for all our freedoms!

 

I was army, she's army reserve, it's a 9mo +pre/post mob to Kuwait. So like 11mo total maybe? Idk, my premob was always 2mo, but she says hers is 2 weeks.

 

Kuwait is supposed to be a good deployment location. I believe they allow skype or some kind of video phone calls...at you son's age he wont remember much of it, and if you have the video phone chat that will help. Also look up resources on the internet if you dont want travel to base.

 

A Kuwait rotation is like moving to Detroit. It's shitty, you're slightly more likely to die but you still have all the first world comforts you want.

 

To be a dependapotamus I gotta gain like 150lbs, but I do love me some truck parts...

 

Ya. I haven't been myself, but it doesn't even pay out hazard pay anymore.

I'm hoping I can get my kid in to some cool stuff while she's away tho. He needs to be on a dirt bike before she gets back lmao.

 

I got out in 2008 after 4 years active duty. Got "drafted" back in 2010, attached to a national guard unit going to Kuwait. @crazysccrmd has it right. Phone, internet, etc all available. Plus mid tour leave.

How old is the kid? They adjust pretty quickly. You can't worry about what will happen when the wife comes back. Deal with it then. I'm sure you'll all be fine. PM me if you need anything.

 

Don’t try to hard to be the best dad, I am sure you will be alright and just try to keep a routine going. Kuwait has the same technology we do she can get a new SIM card in her phone with internet plan to call and FaceTime. The one thing me and my wife agreed on was when I returned home after deployments was I do not jump in the mix to quick after she been running the house without me. Worked for 6 deployments so far, just give her time to adjust. Truck parts are always a plus as well.

 

Dang. They grabbed that IRR just in time eh? Or did you have a 4 year IRR?

 

Yeah 4 year IRR. After 2 years out i was not super excited to go back.

 

I deployed for 12 months when my son was 1. I returned when he was 2 and was talking. The best thing you can do is put a few pictures of mommy by their bed/crib. When you put them down for the night make sure to always say goodnight to mommy. My wife did this and upon my return he was super excited to see me, and we have since had a wonderful relationship. Just do what you can, and realise that when communication is rough, or you are worried to not let your child see it. It does them no good. Your wife will have some slight adjustment period but you guys will be fine.

My wife just deployed to Afghanistan for her second time now , and this time around he is 9 and I'm doing the best I can.

Smoke and Prayers Brother!

 

Yeah, thankfully his memory seems ro stellar. My #1 concern is her readjustment and his connection with her. Im jist gonna drink lots of beer and buy way too many truck parts.