Let's talk about funny work stories.

So I figured we all have that one story that made you actually laugh out loud at work....
I once worked as a service advisor at a dodge dealership. This is funny in itself.. and if you want to hear horror stories I have tons of them. Anyway I had a client in front of me yelling and screaming at me because the rear differential ate itself 30 miles out of warranty and Chrysler told him to pound sand. In a moment of clarity he looks behind me at the poster of a Viper and then looks at me and says. "Look at that thing.... no matter how cool you think that car is it's still a F'in shitty old dodge." he turns, blows open the door to exit and yells "F*&K" at the top of his lungs. Now dodge did eventually pay for half the repairs, and that was amazing in itself.

 

I was overseeing soil shipments from a NYC jobsite via tri-axles, and the excavator operator is a wonderfully crazy 1st generation Irish guy...

One of the truck drivers starts complaining after being loaded up, asks us to talk to the operator to give him 1-2 more buckets of soil, even though the soil is wet and he's on the verge of being overweight as-is. We warn the driver, twice, not to continue with his complaint and to depart the site. He ignores us and struts up to the operator, who says "YOU WANT WHAT?! OK, BUDDY NO PROBLEM!!" e.g. aggressively screaming at the driver, but still all smiles; we knew to break out the popcorn at this point...

Driver backs up, and the operator begins to deposit soil into the truck as fast as he possibly can. After the 2nd extra bucket the driver's standing on the truck side yelling and waving off the operator, by the 8th bucket he's screaming and flapping his arms like a bird, while the operator is egging him on with a giant smile "No problem bud, I'm giving you all the soil you wanted, my pleasure!!" The soil ends up being pyramided past the side-rails the entire length of the dump portion. The client, engineers, manifest cert guy and myself were bent over from laughter.

 

I'm a property manager. I do rentals. A tenant calls me up and says he's got an electrical problem. I go over there and he says,"How come every time I turn this switch off my tv turns off?" I explain to him that the room has no lights so that is the switch for the lamp that works off of that outlet. He asks me the same question again and I tell him again. This goes on about 10 times. Finally I notice the largest bottle of Vicodin I have ever seen on the table and realize this guys is wacked out of his gord. I said,"I'll be right back." I left and never came back. I figured he got it when he sobered up.

 

this should be good....in for more stories

 

We like stories over here
https://www.tacomaworld.com/threads/whatever.597261/

 

We had a health & safety orientation for a multi-million dollar construction site in manhattan, it's literally the vast majority of an entire city block, years of work, if you have this job you keep it at all costs...

Us and several other subcontractors are in the safety orientation room, a few minuets into it some younger guy asks the instructor (who is the head of H&S for the entire organization) how he could possibly skirt around the zero-tolerance no smoking/vaping rules, instructor clarifies it's zero-tolerance, sorry no exceptions. Guy keeps egging the instructor on throughout the presentation, getting more and more cunty; instructor realizes guy's a true loose cannon & has the self control of joe pesci in goodfellas...

Our company finishes the orientation, but some of the trades workers (including the guy) have an additional portion.
We're waiting at the front desk getting our ID cards printed and we hear in chrono. order:
- the guy telling off the instructor and explaining that he's the nephew of the owner of the company he works at,
- instructor verbally abusing the guy and everyone laughing,
- guy loosing his mind and throwing over a chair,
- instructor banning that entire company from any of the organization's multiple sites,
- security guards restraining/removing the guy from the building

Over a decade and a half & he's the only person we've ever witnessed not make it through a job-site orientation

 

A mom of a student I work with works at the local bar, and has clients during the day. We think home health care, but joke about her “clients”

One day we are playing a game with the students called last word. Basically, one stack of cards is catagoies, such as US states. The other stack is the letter all the words must start with you say.

The category is “things that need batteries” and the letter is “m”. As the letter card is flipped over a young student yells out “Mom”. What we didn’t realize is the students mother pulled into the parking lot. Needless to say, it was very difficult not to bust out laughing.

 

Very much so. Work, non-work, inlaws, outlaws we dont care.

I have 2 but they aren't great.
Years ago I was running a machine at work. It shut off during mid cycle. I paged maintenance and this new guy came over. His boss told me the new dude was fantastic and would have it running in no time. He whipped out his laptop and started checking connections. 2 hours later he's covered in sweat and shaking his head in frustration. I happen to look over and notice a plug unplugged. I picked it up and said I wonder if this has anything to do with it.
One guy I use to work with spit all over the place when he talked. There were 3 or 4 of us standing around and he came up and said he had a story for us. One guy said, "wait just a second". He went to the shop and came back wearing a welders mask. Then he said,"carry on".

 

I was driving a truck for an oilfield hauling company and most of our area was "open range". Meaning unfenced and up to the driver to watch for and avoid livestock. One day I was hauling ass trying to get finished up when a steer jumped into the road from behind a clump of mesquites. Nothing I could do but just watch the poor bugger go flying through the air. I got out and inspected the truck and luckily it had hit the steel bumper so no damage but bumper and grill were covered in hair, blood and cow shit. When I got back to the yard, I pulled it into the wash bay and sprayed it off as best as I could in the dim lights. I decided to keep quiet about it and nobody would ever know...right? Wrong. My boss called me the next morning "Did you kill a cow? I've got a pissed off rancher demanding we pay him for it. Says you were the only truck on his road yesterday". So being the good Christian that I am I said "Hell no I didn't hit any cow. He must have missed another truck or somethin' I dunno anything about it". When I got to work all the bosses were waiting for me beside my truck and knew I was in deep doodoo. It seems I had missed a few spots. So they gave me a royal butt chewing and said they were going to pay the rancher and take it out of my check a little each time. Now for the funny part... we had a mechanic that was also a damn good caricature artist. One whole wall of the shop was dedicated to his art. When I got back that evening I was welcomed by his latest masterpiece. Me standing beside my truck with a cow splattered across the front and a speech bubble saying "Huh? What cow?". They had all seen me pull in and were waiting for it. We all about broke a rib laughing.

 

Sent helper to my toolbox for a square and he came back empty handed

"All you had was 1/2 squares"

 

Next time ask for the board stretcher.

 

Maybe Ill come back here if I can think of a couple that have been declassified

 

I think I've mentioned this story before on TW, but I will add it again to this thread.

Back in 2006, I worked for a small bank in San Diego. I was an accountant and my cubicle was just outside the CFO's door. I was mid 20's and single, so I figured it would be a great idea on a Thursday to get some Spicy Fried Thai Rice at a level 10. I still remember the restaurant owners face and confirming if I really wanted it that spicy. I said yes a few times and even mentioned that I'm half Korean, spicy is no problem. Then my buddies and I go out drinking. Beer and level 10 spice is a bad combo.

I went into the office Friday morning and thank goodness the employee bathroom was upstairs. I proceed to let the worst movement of my life out. It was just the most painful and most awful smell I've ever experienced. After I was done, I've felt 20 times better and went back to work.

10 minutes later, I hear the CFO call our cleaning guy. He said "Mr. whatever his name was, can you come over here and spray the mens bathroom? It smells like something died in there"...........

I couldn't stop laughing for at least 30 minutes.

 

used to work for a company that had a seasonal call center. .... some lady.. was over dedicated.. ending up shitting herself. they had to chuck the chair. amazingly, she came back the next day.

also had the fbi arrest some dude on homicide charges at our warehouse across the street.

 

A lady at her desk beside me falls asleep sometimes and only wakes up when her head hits the keyboard.

 

Worked underground as a pipe welder. We got accused of staring up a walkway grate and cat calling a girl.

Too bad our job was almost a mile down the road with no way to get to that location , and I was harassing my friend because a had to hold him up with my arms so he could tie the last bit of his weld in

Damn echoing tubes

 

At my old job working as an assistant manager for a regional wireless carrier back in the day. We had a super busy store something like 700+ individual customers a day. We had this one same sex couple that was always coming in the store.

The account name was in the the more normal guys name, but his much weirder partner was always the one coming into the store and buying stuff or adding lines. Well apparently he was cheating on his partner(the more normal one) and buying all these phones for his other boyfriends or whatnot. Anyway the normal one was stalking the weirder one and decided that our store was the right place and time to have a full on drama session and confront his partner over his infidelity. I mean I really hate to stereotype here cause I have zero issue with that lifestyle, but if you had to describe the most over the top stereotypical gay lovers fight this would have been it. Normal guy comes flying through the door waving and snapping his fingers saying oh no you didn't, followed by an emotional breakdown crying about how the other guy was cheating on him. Finally who we thought was the more normal dude slaps the phone out of his partners hand and says I am not paying for all your booty calls phones no more, now all of this happens in about 45 seconds. I mean they covered the full range of emotions so fast it was amazing.

The employee that was helping starts to look at me like what am I supposed to do here. I start to walk that way to help and give the 86'em signal. At this point something gets said between the two and it escalates into a full on open fist slap fight, Me and the other employee physically remove one of them from the store to separate them cops get called somewhere in between this. Other staff escorts the other into the back office to let him settle down and get him off the sales floor. Cops get called both are arrested and we have a store full of like 50 customers just standing there with their mouths open like did that just happen.


Other favorite was working for a sub company of AIG during the market crash. Because AIG was a big contributor to the crash we were getting bomb threats and the incoming sales calls pretty much ceased. Well in all that down time one employee gets fired for looking up how to build an indoor weed growhouse on company computers. Guy sitting next to me gets a bomb threat call, and in the calmest manner proceeds to tell the guy that thanks to the wonders of modern technology we have caller id and since the caller had a policy with us all of his information came up on the screen. He then thanked the guy for his call and closed it saying enjoy your visit with the FBI.

 

This totally reminded me of another. I work for an Acura dealer Aka luxury Honda's lol. Well I am sitting at my desk when a tow truck driver for a local auction company walks thru the door. He asks me if we have a key in stock for an older Rl. I say let me check and walk the 50 feet or so to our parts dept, ask if the key is in stock and return to my desk. Well i get about 25 feet from the desk and it hits me like a wall. I'm sure it stopped me in my tracks. Whatever had crawled up this guys ass and died had found its way out and it was the worst thing I have ever smelled. He is still standing there with the guilty look on his face knowing by my reaction that I had smelled what he dealt. So I have to act professional and talk to this guy after he has wrecked the entire service dept. He walks out and the other advisor walks around the corner and I see his reaction as he loudly asks "did you shit yourself!!". I deny the actions and get the yeah right look. So then a client walks in the door and looks at us both and actually asked which one of us shit themselves. I at that point could no longer keep a straight face. It was winter time and we had to open all the doors between the service drive, service, and parts to clear the smell, as it just lingered. The best part of the whole thing is the guy that came in in the middle of it all filled out a survey sent by Acura and stated on there that he was sure one of us had shit themselves and that something was wrong with one of us cause it almost caused him to vomit.

 

A friend of mine was working as a senior credit analyst/manager, but didn't have close friends in the area, so he'd go to happy hours and parties with the significantly younger newly-hired college grad employees. He was 37 at the time, out of shape and in no way able to "keep up" with the young crowd party antics.

He tells this story of trying to very discreetly hangover-vomit into his tiny cubicle waste paper basket on a Tuesday morning

 

When I was 18 I thought planes would be cool. 12 years later I don't know if that's funny or sad.