Let's talk about funny work stories.

This describes my job pretty well. So I'm trying to rent out a liquor store. I was just there 2 days ago showing the place. I like to get there early for an appointment so I can clean anything that needs cleaning. I open the door and get hit with the chemical meth/crank smoke smell. I notice the back door has been kicked in and start cussing. I hear a shriek and this teen chick pops out from behind the back wall and she has a hatchet in one hand and is trying to zip up her top with the other and yes, those titties were swinging! I'm both frightened and amused because you either need to drop the hatchet or lose the top and I got a front row seat. She turns, drops the hatchet and books it out the back door. Then I hear some grumbling and I look around the back counter and here is some young punk on top a pile of shit trying to get his trousers on. He hops up, grabs his bmx bike, thanks me and rides out the back door too. So as you can see from the pic, in 48 hours these peeps have amassed quite the pile of shit. I pull my truck around to the back door and start filling the bed. My appointment shows up. I apologize for the condition of the place. I make a list of what I need to secure the back door and go to get into my truck. From around the corner of the building the chick pops out, all she has on is sweats and, she's crying and begging me for her stuff. And she ain't half bad. At this particular moment I have an Animal House flashback where the devil and angel pop up on either shoulder, one telling me what to do to her and the other warning me to be saintly. The angel won and I yelled at her that the cops were coming and she ran off again barefooted, titties swing all down the street . Probably saved my self from catching some kind of nasty itch! Enough shit to fill a dumpster and half a days work securing the door. FML!

 

Funny story man but I wouldn't go around and telling people that on an open forum lol, that's just nasty

 

Hey! Some of my best friends are meth crazed, hatchet wielding chicks with swinging titties.

 

So, I was a senior IT tech and had the assignment to upgrade all of the computers and networks at a remote field site. And, as a helper my boss assigns our new IT intern to go with me. This intern was as smart as a whip and a total babe, so it wasn’t a bad deal. She was also extremely innocent to the ways of the world and wouldn't say shit if she had a mouth full of it.

The upgrades couldn't start until after 5 and we end up calling it a night at 1 am. Driving back to the hotel through farm fields in the pitch black of night I smell the most atomic fart smell I have EVER smelled. I’m choking it’s so bad and I’m embarrassed for my poor intern and the fart she just unleashed on the world. Finally, I ask her are you OK? It seems she was thinking the same thing and was feeling bad for me because she thought I was the dealer of the stench. We quickly figured out that neither of us had to go to the hospital and the smell was coming from the outside. We both laughed so hard we about broke a rib. Found out the next day that the local farmers spray cow manure on their fields through giant rain bird like sprinklers and they do it at night so people don't complain.

 

A few months ago a male coworker of mine asked if I had a heat pump. I said yes and he asked me several questions about heat pumps which I answered as best as I could. Yesterday I asked if he has got his heat pump installed yet and he replied no. So I asked if he had window air conditioners, no he replied. I told him I can't sleep at night if I'm all hot and sweaty and that I wish I had never felt AC He said my uncle has never had AC and it's hard to have sex when your sweaty, keep sliding off. Needless to say I was quite shocked and I said well.... you probably should't be having sex with your uncle in the first place. He busted out laughing and said I meant to say that my uncle has never had AC and it's hard to have sex with the wife when you're sweaty....

 

This happened on the same assignment as the story above. The remote field office was really remote, and the only close place to stay was a romantic mountain lodge. It had Jacuzzi tubs in the middle of the room and all the trappings of a honeymoon suite. My very attractive female coworker and I got there in the late afternoon and checked into our separate rooms. The look on the hotel guys face was priceless. He clearly couldn't understand why a man and a woman who were clearly traveling together would do that. I will say when I got to my room I really wished my wife was with me because, well, it was romantic.

 

My brother and I drove through that going up the 5 north through cow country... that smell lasted 5 fucking miles. We still laugh about it now, some 30 years later. We both thought the same thing of each other. Trust me when I say, rolling down the window because you thought the other person did it, DID NOT HELP!

 

I don't remember exactly where we were, but it was in that neighborhood somewhere north of Bellingham and south of the Canadian border. Having my brother with me would have been way better. We'd could have had years of fun about how rotten the other person's ass was.

 

Its definitely a memorable time.
And I pray I never endure that smell for that amount of time ever again. Only compares to a porta potty at a Arizona construction site in the middle of summer.

 

Porta potty?

 

If you think liquified cow manure is bad --wait till you get a whiff of turkey manure that has been put on a field. Cow's manure smells like a bed of roses compared to turkey crap.

 

I heard that a certain coworker was really gullible, so I came up with a lie only a dumb-ass would believe and of course he believed it. I told him I was in a white power gang in prison and every morning before I came into work, I had to cover up my swastika tattoos with makeup.

 

The field next to work is using this god awful stuff right now. It is absolutely the worst thing i have ever smelled. And to top it off its raining making it even worse. My truck smells like it when I get home.

 

We asked one of the kids that works in our car wash to go next door to our Honda dealer to get a case of elbow grease once. Without contacting the Honda guys first. They went right along with it handing the kid a case of paper. Now anyone that has moved a case of paper knows its heavy. Especially since the kid may have weighed in at a 100 lbs soaking wet. Well he carried that case about 200 yards across 2 parking lots. When he walked in and flopped it on the service desk I almost pissed myself I was laughing so hard.

 

I was that kid. I my case I was working for the Forest Service building logging roads. My first day on the job my boss takes me out to the site and tells me to tell the guy running the bulldozer how to shape the corner they were working on. To say I didn't have a fucking clue understates NO fucking clue. I'd never been on a construction site, been on a bulldozer, read a road plan or worked with construction workers. So, I go up to the guy on the dozer and try to tell him how to do his job. He looked at me like really? But, he wasn’t an asshole about it either. I later found out that the guy running the dozer was an original bad ass. He was the Cat Skinner running a D9 Cat on the side of the Teton damn the day it broke. I’m telling this guy how to do his job?! The guy that literally was pushing dirt into the hole on the side of a failing damn! I’m sure my boss got a great chuckle. (turns out that being an original bad ass doesn’t make you a jerk. I worked with him the whole construction season and he taught me a ton about road building.)


I'm telling this guy↓ how to do his job?!

The dark brown streak on the dam face near the gray bedrock in the left half of the photo is a leak that formed on the morning of June 5. The speck above the leak near the top of the dam is a D-9 bulldozer on its way to push dirt into the leak.

 

Wonder if when she got to the motel that night and pulled off her pants, a big turd rolled out of her panties and she thought "whew, almost busted".

 

Years ago, at work, I gave this green kid a simple project : To remove 300 7/16" bolts. I gave him an air hose, my air ratchet and socket. I came back two hours later and found the air hose still coiled on the ground and he was barley started, turns out he was using the air ratchet like a regular ratchet. The kid had never used a air tool before.