Whatever

My father-in-law who I was VERY close to planned to retire and never got the opportunity. Had he known, he would have retired, because he could have years before.

He found out he had Leukemia one day AFTER work. Within 9 months he was gone.


However, even stating that, I wouldnt want to know.

What keeps me up at night is the though of how meaningless we all are. How minuscule and ineffective our lives are. The only way 99.9999999999999999999% of us will have our names muttered 50 years after we die is if we become a serial killer, or worse, if there is such a thing.

We are all just the poor little cogs in someone else's game. Soon to be nameless, in less than a century.

 

I spend far too much time thinking on this very subject...

Just ask @JaCado
Ive talked his ear off about it...


Sorry about your FIL man

 

I’m trying to enjoy myself, not destroy my innards. Doing my drum brakes was enough punishment.

 

I feel as though we may be long lost kindred spirits. (Wont matter in 20 years...but whatever...)


I think the most humbling (and hurtful) thought that ever crossed my mind was that I was never going to do, or be apart of anything AMAZING.

I found solace in pacifying myself by thinking that maybe my purpose here is to raise and teach my kids to be exceptional people/leaders and maybe they could go on to do something amazing.

Then my son straight up stuck his finger in his butthole and then licked it. So, now I dont even have that possibility.

 

I was moved by your statement...

Until that last bit...

 

I'm probably going to die of Alzheimer's.

It will be a very slow process, that crushes my kids, unless I can alienate them.

Probably 10 years, give or take a year.

Basically my body will simply forget to breathe or shit or something.

 

The real question is how old is he?

 

From the moment we are conceived... we are all slowly dying, some faster than others. But thats the very thing that gives meaning to life... 'death'

 

Just think. The only thing that will bear any semblance of your being on this earth in 50 years, is your headstone (maybe).



Other than that, you didnt even happen. We are literally a large clump of dust, floating around for a blip on the timeline....and we wont even leave a mark.

 

Definitely the best plan!

 

Yeah I’ll be back end of May. I’ll be living in Chesapeake. Wife is getting stationed at Portsmouth hospital for her residency in pediatrics.

 

Fuck that.... I am leaving skid marks every fucking where.

 

I'm in school right now, at the ripe young age of 37 (well past my "midlife") studying Organizational Leadership because I was influenced a decade ago in a positive way, read some books that really changed my perspective. Covey, Maxwell, and others.

Now I just have to focus on the kids. Develop them to be exceptional. Maybe they will influence someone to be exceptional.

 

They'll be erased by Bill Gates and Elon Musk and some other billionaire who's life was deemed to matter enough to have larger skid marks....

 

It def gives more meaning to life to be able to help people.

I hope I can take the difficulty and struggles and eventual climbing out of them that have filled my life the last 5 years and help people in some way in the end.
I have a soft spot in my heart for people who are addicted to substances... I may have never been a quote "addict" but I had a foot in the door after how long I was on pain killers. It gave me empathy into their situations. And Id love to be able to take what I overcame and make it into something that helps even one other person who may be struggling with addiction, or injury...

Helping that one person would give meaning to the struggle I have faced. And make it all worth it.

 

He is 4 now, was around 2 then.....hahahaha