Adult Child... living back at home :(

I missed responding to this...You are right, communication is key! Admittedly we have an issue with that, but we have been working on it and are making progress, this is going to definately be a test for us. But being prepared is going to help.
I like the idea of positive reinforcement, it works for my dog..But, it has never worked for this kid before, I'll leave it up to my bf to decide if he thinks it's worth a chance. This kid was given everything he needed to succeed and he chose to throw it all away and fail.
We tried to find something he would enjoy for a career when he was in HS, he wanted to join the Electrical Union. He went to the Union hall, got all the info he needed and started taking the tests...well he couldn't pass the tests so he gave up. He doesn't have the smarts or skills to do a technical job, he screwed that up himself though. He's going to be stuck doing manual labor till he can afford to take some remedial education classes. We ask him what he would want to do with his life and he can't think of anything, going to try this route again.

Thank you.

 

He could make an appearance on world dumbest criminals...he tried breaking into an atm because it took his card...hmmm
-those are pretty secure, so why try
-get your card back when the bank opens
-but you decide to commit a crime...with your info in the machine and the little camera watching you do it
....on the day he was going to court to be sentenced for the burglary!

He got charged with a gross misdemeanor for damaging property and causing so much $$ in damages....courts gave him time served since he was already in jail for burglary, got to love the justice system. He should have been charged with another felony burglary!

He doesn't learn from his crimes, I doubt he can learn how not to get caught.

 

Very true.
Another member said to have your bf read this thread... How about your bf's son? Here are unbiased opinions about the situation. The love/hate relationship will take its toll on everyone and someone will be victorious. Hopefully this kid won't see it as a game because in the end he will lose.
Having him have a say is a great compromise. Working together is even better. This way everyone agrees and is on the same page.

 

SandChick...

Whats an update? How is the situation going?

 

SandChick, I have been working corrections for about 5 to 6 years now both for the State of Louisiana and now for the Federal Bureau of Prisons. If you need any help or any kind of input please feel free to pm me.

 

Here's hoping this will miraculously work out for you in some positive fashion somehow.

 

I think Kristin's on va-kay...so FSC hope your trip was awesome & the boy grew some responsibility..................

 

hopefully Sandchick is still alive

 

Last post...............8/20/2010........

 

Sandchick....you're SCREWED!!! Good Luck.

 

Eventus stultorum magister

He is beyond ODD, and is probably a sociopath. This will not end well. Even if you feel safe, you are not. Protect yourself, encourage your boyfriend to do what he knows he must, and know that you have no obligation in the matter; that all guilt associated with his downfall, or the downfall of your relationship, is false guilt. You have a good heart, but guard it with a keen mind.

 

Guys...She'll be back in a few days.

 

hate to bring you down but my buddy is 20 and has a felony on his record and he cant even get a job at a major food place at Jimmy Johns. Just try to support him as best as you can and keep him busy.

 

When he is standing in the driveway, run him over with your Toyota!!! Say the gas pedal got stuck!!!!!!! Saves on tax payers money!!! No, Im j/k!!!!

 

Solutions that create equal or worse problems are not really solutions at all. They are merely problem transference mechanisms. I know you were kidding but had to say it. She'd just have a different equally bad problem with the father or living with herself taking the simple, effective quick way of handling this situation. Hard not to consider it when it gets pushed to this level. How fucked up do individuals have to be to NOT realize that people they affect negatively like this can be pushed too far at some point?

 

My gal's family came here and had nothing.

They were disliked by most 'cause they were very different.
They did not speak English.
They looked different.
They behaved different.
They ate 'odd' food.

The collected cans, until they could afford sewing machines - then they made 'tee-shirts' and any other products they could. From one side many would say it was sad that she had to sew everyday after school until she went to college.

What would be more sad? Her not being self sufficient yet not having to work? or her being a victim that didn't have food to eat?

When the finally got a car, they got a very used Pinto wagon when no one wanted them since they were thought to explode on impact. When they needed to go some place - they had 10 people in a Pinto!

Her parents still collect cans - not because they necessary have to but because it is ingrained in them.

They went on to send each of the children to college - and yes there is help if you apply yourself. But the key is Apply Yourself!

The pity party, victim mentality is so unflattering! For all of us - we all need to remind ourselves of our God given talents and our responsibility for using it!

I have helped a number of felons in my life. But the distinct difference is that they want to help themselves!!!

I know one guy in particular that just recently got laid off and he spends his time, volunteering at a hospital and I guarantee you that he will be hired.

At first glance, you would think he might kick your ass - heavy tatts and big guy. Then he knows how to defuse people and he is VERY HELPFUL!

I know this guy will be successful - unlike some of the guys he was locked up with due to his attitude.

This whole thing is an inside job!!! INSIDE ONE's HEAD!!!

If you want to teach your friends, children, family, loved ones something when they are impressionable - Teach them how to not play the victim role!

 

He only lasted a week in the house . His Dad told the PO that it wasn't going to work out and he needed to find a new place to live....
Basically no, he didn't change at all just as I'd said he wouldn't.
His Dad was hopeful that he would have "grown up" and "learned something" in the past year sitting in jail.

Anyway he had a warrant in another city and turned himself in, they gave him a fine, he was going to do community service to pay it off, but that didn't work out so he asked the judge if he could serve time instead. That was last week, so he is serving 1 month in the city jail now.
I can only imagine what he's going to do when he gets out of there.
He had about $1000 in the bank when he got out, in 3 weeks he's down to about $200 with nothing to show for it. He spent it all on clothes, smokes and fast food...and I'm sure other crap.

So...that's the short version, thanks for asking.

 

Thanks for the update Kristin. I'd been wondering how it was going.

Sorry to hear he didn't wise up.

 

Yea. I had been following along as well. I really was praying that things would turn out good. But, it is what it is.

 

On one hand, sorry to hear it but I guess you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it do a double back flip & win Xgames gold.....on the other hand, congrats on getting y'all's house back even if it is temporary. The worry and concern about what's next doesn't go away but at least it's a break from it for now.......hoping some sort of peace and non-drama envelope your world on a more permanent basis.