Taco Vandalism

A serious need for that type of enforcement exits at Costco...

Holy shit, if someone cheats me out of another bacon-wrapped stuffed jalapeño because they wanted 18 of them for themselves and their brood, I just might take a fucking hostage!

 

She's more badass than the handcuff guy, handled it fine

 

Bout dat strata warfare

 

Could you imagine if in this thread people could spell border patrol?

 

Don't you mean Broader Patron?

 

Does that mean it’s my turn to get butt hurt and upset now? Do I have to?!

 

You're only entitled to get butthurt if you can top winning firefights with drug cartels handcuffed to steering wheels...and no lying, either...we can sniff that shit out real quick like.

 

I mean... can anyone?

 

Shittin a hog comes close...

 

So one time I was grilling in my back yard minding my business when out of nowhere a Bengal Tiger walks around the corner. My instincts for battle kicked in and I knew I would have to defend myself. Unfortunately my chef apron got stuck on the hood of my grill. So with one hand trying to free my apron I had to fight off this 800 lbs tiger. unable to round house kick it to the head I was forced to poke it in the eyes just like I learned from the Three stooges . Thus blinding the tiger and winning the battle. Once the tiger left I had to call for help to get unstuck from my grill. Lost my favorite apron that day.

 

A bengal tiger you say?

I ‘ad to beat him to death with his own shoes

 

Thought it was a snow leopard the last time he told it?

 

I thought it was Aslan's brother the first time I heard it

 

I call BS! If you were grilling as you say, then why wouldn't you have used your tongs or spatula to kill the tiger? And furthermore, EVERYONE knows that Bengals are in Cincinnati not Mechanicsburg!

 

My memory is spotty on account of that one time I had to help an old ass ex sas fella wrap up some marine drama on Alcatraz. It pained me because the marines had a point, but the sas guy was so charming.

I had to stick a needle in my chest to neutralize vx gas.

 

"Who said anything about bluffing?!"

 

I had no interest in killing him. Otherwise I would have used the Smith and Wesson 500 with a tripod and a scope that I use for my personal carry pistol. I wasn't sure if tigers are still endangered, so I didn't want to get in trouble.