"Did I do that, really?"...doh moments.

One time, when I was finished pooping, I was wiping my butt and one of my fingers slipped through the toilet paper. I liked it.

EDIT: Just Kidding. My finger didn’t slip, I planned it out that way.

 

I once made the mistake of asking a cranky fat chick when she was due.

 

i told a guy i had just met while we were both on shrooms that nothing i said matters because he or i could die tonight.

he died that night.

 

I got into a fight with a cranky fat chick and lost .

 

Unless you want 3rd degree burns, never, ever think it's a good idea to make a WD40 pyro bomb explode in a graveyard at night with your drunk brother.




So I've been told.....

 

I was not an experienced mechanic at this point so...

1. was putting a new adjustable double roller timing set, and installing a matched distributor gearset on my 74 CJ-5 with an AMC 360 v-8.. things were going ok.. got everything all back together fluids filled, and all sealed up.. crank motor over and find the timing is WAY off.. it ssputtering fuel out of the carbthroat, backfiring, etc... pull it all apart and seems I had timing way off, by 23 degrees because I followed one of the extreme timing adjustment marks.. and not the TDC mark.. this meant a 2 hours job of disassembling the entire front end of the CJ-5 turned into almost 8 hours.. GAH!!! NO DAMAGE!!! later I chewed through that matched timing gear set at the cost of $92 after I found I had put the bushing on the wrong side of the distributor housing, causing the gear mesh to be off, and literally ATE the cam gear.. luckily this style is a bolt on stub to the stock cam..

2. did a valve adjustment on my 99 honda accord 4 banger.. was way too tight/loose on a couple cylinders, or the piston was not at true TDC.. sounded like ass.. and to make this worse I had used a ratchet wrench on the PS shaft to turn the motor over and forgot to remove it when cranking it over for first startup.. whang, whang bang!! luckily no damage, just a few small dings in the engine bay... had to redo the valve adjustment...

3. I was working in a EURO shop (god I hated this job, so hard to learn a make when bouncing from one to another) had a 2015ish BMW 330xi nice twin turbo setup.. I was pulling apart the top end, and figuring out what was wrong with the motor.. they were unsure if it was oil starved, It had an oil leak at the oil filter housing, and had caused the drive belt to slip off the pulleys, and into the front main, and get ground up in the oil pump, and timing chains..., and it either needed new bearings on the lower end/rods, or the timing was off.. I was removing the HP fuel lines as this is a DI motor.. I had not disconnected the battery and thought nothing of it.... detailer walks up, "this is a nice car", and proceeds to open the door BMW's have odd electronics, and when you open the door, the car goes through a startup procedure (key was in the passenger seat, and yes its a proximity key) the fuel pump turns on, I am standing at the passenger front fender, and get doused with Premium fuel from the fuel rail feeds to the injectors.. that motor was toast, timing chain was stretched, and the bearings were toast.. the car was tabled for a later time...

4. took on a job before I was working as a mechanic.. fathers truck needed a new front wheel bearing installed 1999 GMC 3500 duelly. I had the tools, and knowledge, and thought it was do-able in our driveway.. so got the bearing, and started in on the truck, got the wheel, hub, brake caliper, rotor, all came off easily. I started in on the notorious 4 inset bolts on the back of the knuckle.... NONE OF THEM TURNED!!! at all.. I tried soaking them for days with penetrant, heating with a map gas torch, then quenching with penetrant, I used 2ft, 3 ft, and a 4ft breaker bar on them, and managed to get 2 out.. the other 2,.. I wound up having to drill out took me about 3 hours to drill out the hardened bolts and 3 trips to the hardware store for decent drillbits to get through the 9/16ths bolts, I then had to go to the dealership and get 2 new ones at around $10 each.. I coated them in antisieze for the next sucker....

 

1. Changed all the fluids on the ATV for the first time and then rode in the alley. Back in the garage I checked the transmission level and noticed it looked a lot like the engine oil. Not sure how bad this would have been, but I scared myself pretty good that I could have easily done some damage to the new machine if I went out for the weekend.

2. Finished up changing a water pump in an old truck and was chatting with my pops showing him what I did with the engine running. I used my pointer finger and show the part behind the spinning fan. Scarred the shit out of me to hear the clunk and a line of blood on my finger. You couldn’t pay me to do that knowingly.

 

Silliest thing I ever did...Was in a hurry adjusting valve clearances on my first car (74 Corona SR5). My 12mm wrench went missing...walked four times around the car looking for it....then realized it was in my right hand. I swear...true story.
Problem is I'm way more "senile" now...
Cheers, jeff

 

Got to work on my v65 magna, turned the bike off stood up, leaned it down to the left like every day, noticed very quickly that it was leaning way further than normal before catching on the kickstand...what kickstand? Shit, down it went. It was early in the morning so nobody saw but it only took me a hot second to yard that 600# bike off the ground and get it on the kickstand

 

Same thing happened to me about 3 years ago as I was cleaning and lubing the chain on my wife's Yamaha r3. I forgot that I was on an incline and went I removed the wheel stand, bike started tipping over. Luckily my wife didn't see and the bike had frame sliders. She still doesn't know what happened till this day.

 

Thanks for the phone #!

 

She's aaaaaalllllllll yours!
You have my blessing!

 

Loaded my dodge up with debris in the bed, went to back up to unload it and directly nailed the tree I was trying to avoid. Still dented today.

 

Borrowed my ex-girlfriend's car to pick up a keg back in college...

 

If you've only ever dropped it once, I'm impressed. I've never owned a bike I didn't set down like that once or twice, though never from a complete absence of the kickstand. Mine were all pretty heavy bikes loaded with camping gear though.

As for me, I think my best "did I do thats" are either the time I tried to replace my clutch (utter failure, had to have a shop re-tap the bolts and install another, second new clutch) or the time I went "offroading" in the mud right next to the road and got stuck about 50' from the pavement in pouring rain. Both were embarrassing. The former was way more pricey.

 

Good thing she was your ex.

 

Yeah me too. Sweet Jesus

 

ha I've been there, included a 4 hour recovery and a complete tear down of the interior.

 

On my old ‘09 Tacoma I was changing the oil. Just emptied the pan and took off old oil filter. Put the new one on, buttoned everything up and put new oil in. Cleaned up any mess, cleaned engine bay and just started her up. Looked like mount saint Helen, oil spewing all over the freaking place. Fffff! Didn’t realize the oil filter gasket came off and shit was everywhere, it scarred me for every oil change lol. I cringe when I turn over the engine, now at lest it will spew out of the bottom in my ‘17 hahah.

 

Finished changing my oil only to realize I’d dropped the drain plug washer into the pan of old oil and I was leaking oil onto the driveway. I had to basically do the whole oil change over again.