Need Some Guidance/Reassurance

This is a tough situation to be in my man. Regardless of any decision made, it's a tough one to make. Asking a forum of folk you don't know, I think it's a good approach. Sometimes getting input from people you do not know is better than input from the people you know very well. That is part of the reason some folk go to therapy. There is great advice in this thread and only you can draw up the best decision for yourself from information you gather. If walking away feels right to you, but scares the shit out of you. You future self will be forever grateful for taking that route.

 

Potential complication here.

Are both of your names on the mortgage?

 

Let's see if we can get a ladies prospective on this.
@SRH
@4x4_angel

 

solid reply. i would post this if i could articulate it so well. truth can hurt, OP, but digging a deeper hole while hiding amplifies the problem.

 

Abort

 

You don't seem to trust her, and she likely doesn't trust you because you're reading her private communications. You really should at the least postpone the wedding and seek couples counseling if you and her are willing to work through your trust issues.

Getting married and carrying this distrust will not work.

 

Negative. Only under her name.

 

This^

Sorry you're going through this man, it's rough but sounds like she doesn't deserve you. I was in a pretty serious relationship for about 5 years and eventually had to end it under (kinda) similar circumstances. She (kinda) cheated on me with one of my best friends. I loved her and we relied on each other emotionally but part of me knew it wasn't right, even before she did what she did. The health of our relationship suffered as a result. I eventually ended it... it was hard for a while, and I still think about her sometimes but I know it was the right thing to do, for both of us. Know your worth my guy.

My story is buried somewhere in here
https://www.tacomaworld.com/threads...cheating-story-psycho-ex-horror-story.588759/

 

I only needed to read the first paragraph of your post. If your gut tells you something isn't right then it probably isn't.

GTFO.....NOW!

 

You are being played. Leave. Don't look back.

 

Oh boy.... where to begin with a female perspective .....
When you are happy in a relationship, it wouldn’t matter if Brad Pitt wanted your number, you’re so into your man you don’t see anyone else that way. Tons of the same red flags goin on here. It’s been 4 years and you are still dealing with the same trust/infidelity issues. She should be so excited about the up coming wedding. I’m going to be very clear, IF SHES GUARDING HER PHONE, THERE IS A REASON!!! I understand you are struggling to see this as clearly as the rest of us, that’s normal. To say you are too busy, tired, etc. & blame her shady actions on you is not a hall pass to go look for male attention some where else! It’s called deflection!! SHE IS RESPONSIBLE OF THE ACTIONS SHE CHOOSES AND THE CONSEQUENCES OF SAID ACTIONS. She should be understanding of your work schedule. She seems to be someone who will always need to be seeking male attention and NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE THIS!! This is her flaw NOT YOUR SHORTCOMINGS!! If you think changing your actions will change this in her, YOU ARE WRONG!!! There will just be a new justification. At the very least postpone the wedding! Then get YOURSELF into counseling so you can learn why you are ok with being treated like this!!! That’s where your future starts! With YOU in counseling for yourself!!! Not you and her in couple counseling!! From there one of two things will happen. You will either see this isn’t good for you and you will gain some self respect and realize you deserve someone that will treat you the way you deserve or you will decide its worth saving and THEN you bring her into counseling with you. Good luck, buddy!!

 

Way too many red flags. She ain’t talking to old friends.......she’s talking to old boyfriends. In my opinion that shouldn’t be happening because nothing good can come from that. Now she’s talking to a guy she just met. If you hadn’t found any of this.....how long would she have have kept doing this shit behind your back? She ain’t gonna stop man. It’s only gonna get worse. Plus in a relatively short amount of time, you’ll be married to her which complicates things enormously.

You know it’s wrong, you know you want her to not do these things and you know what in my opinion should be done. Respectively, grow a set, pack your bags, and leave.....

 

dayum...
/thread !!!

 

I don’t sugar coat. I only know how to be straight forward..... too harsh??

 

dead on IMHO.

 

Yup, very well put @SRH

 

This simplifies things if it goes south.

And just because it needs to be read again...

 

Yup

 

Thank you. You are so accurate with the Brad Pitt analogy and is exactly how I would have treated the situation if I were in her shoes. I'm not sure whats going to happen throughout the weekend, let alone the discussion that we will be having later today after work. I'm hoping for the best, but man has today been a shitty day.

 

Don’t talk. Leave. Edit: and NEVER speak to her, again. Be gone