Deployed w/pregnant wife HELP!

The wife and I made a baby (I'll spare the details), and the baby is due any day now.
I won't be there for the birth or anything and I need some help.

Anything you all think I could do to make this transition easier on her even though I'm far away?

She is MIL too so she is getting a ton of support, her mother should be with her as well. But not having me there certainly hurts the situation. Have any of you went through something like this?

It certainly sucks missing my first child's birth but I'm more concerned about how its gonna effect the wife. Any ideas as to how I can keep my family feeling like a family without me there?

Thank you for any input!

 

Congratulations and Thank You for your service.
Any possibility of FaceTime or Skype? The gesture has to account for something no?

 

Yup. Skype or Facebook it about as good as it will get. I had a few buddies who our BN didn't approved to fly home for it but they did give them 2 days "off" so he could use wifi at the cans for Facetime.

 

Not to get into OPSEC but are you really that important to the mission going on there? Seems like a pretty fucked up COC if they won't let you go home. With that being said is it your first child? If not, then they generally don't let you go home or deploy late/redeploy early.

FRG should be her best friend. Hopefully you have a strong core for her to rely on. Also I'm not sure about the chair force, but the Army has "Army Community Service" which is a place that offers all kinds of help! I'm sure there is the equivalent of that for you all.

 

I try and make a facetime call every night but y'all probably know how often they shut off the interwebs here.

(Perfect example, why replying took so damn long)

Yeah, couldn't really ask for a higher priority job out here. Leadership out here is legit but we don't have ideal manning. I'm certain the fact that were already pulling 12/7 shifts makes them less than keen on the idea of letting me leave. First kid though, so she is a wreck alone. I'm not sure whether we do have anything like that for us, just "Deployed Familiy Dinners" and a 1Sgt breathing down her neck.

Bought her a big ass TV as a pre-christmas present. Figured her daily criticism of my 30" 720p hand-me-down was a hint.

 

I don't know man, if any unit can't function missing one guy, there is a problem. All I know is if you were my Soldier you wouldn't be in AFG right now.

 

This

when I was burning myself out for my unit and neglecting my family and personal life completely I had an old NCO pull me aside and give me some great advice, "Don't believe that they can't survive without you. The Army has been around for over 200 years. They were fine before you came along, and they will be fine when you leave."

Trust me OP. Even a laundry specialist will be told they are 100% mission essential and they can't afford to have them go to sick call/appointments/emergency/family leave.

Remember how they always tell you whenever something doesn't go as planned how you need to improvise, adapt, and overcome? That street goes both ways. Your family needs you, leadership just doesn't want to go through the work of improvising, adapting, or overcoming. Easier to just get you to stay.

Unless you're an honest to god green beret, marsoc, combat controller, seal dude then yeah you should probably stay. Being special operations doesn't count because leadership always states that their unit's mission is special operations because they are attached or supporting a sister unit that is supporting this random mission that has a tiny special operations detachment included. When I was in the reserves before going active we were sweeping and mopping one weekend as part of a special operations mission so go figure.

Work hard and serve your country proud, but just keep in mind they don't need you and you are easily replaceable. Your family and special moments in your life aren't. They only come once.

But I'm just a grumpy as hell infantry dude, just my 2 cents.

 

GL. Get back as soon as you can.

That said, all that momma/baby bonding time in the first few weeks is up to her unless the delivery goes south. Which is why they're supposed to release your ass for the delivery dammit. At least the inlaws are there, but you should be too.

 

I would touch base with people back home and see if they can arrange to bring her prepared meals for a few weeks (obviously some can be frozen). Having a newborn is hard enough, so any help with the normal chores of life is a lot of help, especially when meals don’t have to be planned or prepared, just heated.

If you or she has one legit friend, see if they’ll organize it. If she has 10 friends or family and they make 2 meals a piece, that’s a lot of help. Adds up quickly.

 

Look at the bright side, you knew she was pregnant when you left so there won’t be that nagging doubt that it’s Jody’s baby from the week after you go on the plane.

 

In my experience it was standard not to be able to come home from a deployment for a birth. Knew four guys in that situation, two were officers. All met their kids for the first time at the end of the deployment.

OP, she’s military and she knows what you both signed up for. Send her lots of handwritten letters, and video chat as often as possible. Have some things sent from Amazon that would make her comfortable. Lean on friends and family at home. Stay safe, and enjoy your family when you get home.

 

Hmm, not sure you're rank looks like your in Afghanistan looking at your pic, I know when I was in Jordan they let a guy leave half way through our rotation to go see his new baby, he came back, but we were working 12/7 too but also OPs, maybe different based on your position/role, etc. My first deployment we had a guy get the day off and was in the Chaplin's office using their private room which had a big ass tv and video camera/mic so he could be right there for his kid's birth. Sometimes I miss AD, but situations like these I appreciate my new role as a civilian. Stay safe and congrats!

 

Hopefully the unit will do a meal train like you're saying. I'll reach out to the shirt and see if they got that planned.

When were you in Jordan? I was there from 16-17. We had a guy go home early because his wife was about to pop as well, any chance he was from Canon?


I'm looking at just getting a bunch of comfort items for her (blankets & stuff), past that I can't talk to her any more often. The unit back home gave her a sweet desk job with face time for the next year which is perfect seeing as she can't deploy until then anyways. After that though we will be doing the whole "one parent away, six months together, other parent leaves" gig (which we're cool with, despite how one might percieve this post).

 

I was just there, my last deployment before separating, 2017-2018.

 

Wait, POGs get to go home to see their kids born on deployment?

 

The best thing is having a solid plan for when her/your family departs. Everybody shows up for the main attraction but once thats over the most help you can give her is covering the day to day nonsense that bogs all of us down. I recommend highly hiring a maid service for her. Other folks I know had some success with shopping for day to day items on Amazon, etc. You can even do groceries too.

 

Got home, kid was born two days later. His name is Theodore, 7lbs 15oz and 21in. Thank ya'll!

 

Congrats. Now go take a watch so mom can get some sleep.

 

So was it worth it to be there??

 

Grats and thank you for your service!