How to please my father.

For some background I'm 19 I live at home with my parents. I work 2 jobs for about 60 hours a week. I'm paying for my own truck and insurance. Paying for my own phone bill and internet. I'm also planning to join either the air force or marines. I came outside today about 9:30 in the morning. I slept in a little today because I worked until midnight and went to see a friend after. So it was ab 9 when I woke up. I came outside to have him yelling at me about how I "don't do shit" and I'm "fuc*ing lazy" I don't know what else I can do to earn his respect. I work hard take care of my own finances and I'm trying to make a future for myself but it just isn't enough for him. I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just venting.

 

Ask him? See what else he wants you to do that he feels you're not doing which makes him upset

 

2 words... MOVE OUT!

 

I'm guessing there is a lot more to the story than what you're telling. Not saying you're wrong by any means, just saying it sounds like there's more background. It sounds like you work hard and pay your bills and I certainly give you credit for that, but in his mind you've obviously messed up somewhere or aren't pulling your weight. Any other things you've found yourself arguing with them a lot about, maybe the same thing over and over again. It could be something as stupid as not doing your laundry that trips him off. I think you may want to look into the situation a little deeper and find out why he's mad in the first place. Or I could be way off, I'm no Dr Phil...

 

Sounds like you already got your shit in gear. As far as advice there's not much I can think of...maybe when your dad's chilled out you can calmly talk things over with him and see where he's coming from. Maybe your not really the problem, but he was just taking it out on you instead.

 

Agreed. I went through this sort of thing with my dad being the only male in several generations not to be in the special forces (I became a firefighter). Just sit down and talk explain the choices your planing on making in your life and hopefully you two can work things out.

 

the title kinda creeps me out lol

no but seriously he kinda sounds like an asshole to be bitchin if you do really work that much tell him you feel like you earn your keep and if he dis agrees then figure out why he feels that way, and come to an understanding

or do what i did to get away from a prick of a step father, join the service

 

I thought the same thing at first too.

 

As someone who's been on both sides of your fence... You're venting. Nothing wrong with it. Some understanding on your part of your dad is in order as well, but don't expect to see that light till you're older. There's a lot of frustration going around these days and while you may or may not be the cause of it, you're a readily discernible issue.
I was the oldest son of an ex-football star turned construction guy. It took until I was 40 before I felt I started receiving some respect for what I was doing and had accomplished. Then I was a surrogate dad for a 12 year old boy, for 5 years, while I'm that beat up construction guy. I know I was pretty tough on him but I knew deep down the kid was good hearted and had the potential to make it. I simply wanted to see it right now.

Maybe share a 6 pack one evening with your dad (YOU buy) ... sit down and ask him what he wants for you. See if that opens up some conversation. Tell him what you're thinking, and prove to him that you ARE thinking.

It's tough, I know. I'm 6' and was over 190 pounds of muscle when I entered college, and the old man could still pick me up with one hand and slap me with the other if I lipped off.. but eventually I got the message that he was kinda proud of me back then, he was just impatient to see the real product.

 

Lol dammit thread title fail!
But yeah there is more to the story. But to type it all out would be like a novel. Mostly it was the fact that I elected to go to work and pursue the armed forces rather than going back to school. That's really when all this started.

 

this...

your doing all you can and IMO your a pretty responsible 19 year old so if I were you i'd look into getting your own pad or maybe get an apt with a buddy...good luck man

 

ask your dad the same thing you asked here,you sound like a good kid to me,but you
really need to talk to your dad to find out why he thinks your lazy

 

I'm trying to get stuff so I can move out. I just don't have the money to move out with my bills. I'm trying to get my truck payed off then I may have the resources to get out.

 

Well maybe your dad's got higher expectations of you. Not to say that joining the services is a bad thing because it's not. But he may not see it that way especially if he doesn't have prior experience with that. Just talk it out...no other way around it.

 

Being a parent here. You say you are working two jobs and paying for your own truck, etc. which is good - but what are you doing around your house?

Do you do your own laundry - or do you leave it where it falls for someone else to pick up?

Do you cook your own food and leave the kitchen a mess?

Do you offer to help with the housework? or yard work? Or do you just do it?

Do you clean up after yourself?

Is your room a pig sty?

Do you shop for yourself or do you expect mom and/or dad to do it for you?

Do you let them know when you will be home, since you are living under their roof?

Like others have said, wait until he's calm and ask him what his "issues" are. Do not get upset. Listen and learn. If he's completely un-reasonable, then move out.

 

As a father of an 18 and a 23 year old, both living at home, let me come at this from a parents point of view. You obviously pay your own way, but earning your keep could be a different story. Who does your laundry, who cooks for you, goes to the grocery store etc. If you move out you will have to do all these things for yourself.
If you have a snack or any thing of the sort, do you clean up after yourself?
Putting dish's in the sink isn't cleaning up, washing and putting them away is.
You probably work on your truck at home, when your done is there no evidence after your done? did you put everything away?

If your parents have to continue to do things for you that some young adults take for granted and until you are on your own and realize how much stuff your parents do to run a household and possibly how little you do to help out you wont understand.

When was the last time you took out the garbage, mowed the lawn, helped carry in the groceries and so on.

Look at it from his perspective. If you are working 60 hours a week and having fun with your buddies and going 4 wheeling, it might appear that you are just sleeping and eating at home and not contributing much.

Just a few thoughts from a father.

 

ImpulseRed08 & senna both beat me to my response.............I also agree with others in thinking their is more to this story as well...........When dad cools down sit him down and ask if theirs anything you can do to help around the house.......Make time for your parents needs.......Good luck....

 

i had the same thing with my mom. They will see you as a child and not and not an adult untill you move out. Period. No talking none of that will help anything untill you are out of the house

 

+1000000

The idea is let him cool down. Once he is talk to him, you know your dad better on how to make conversation. Ask him politely your question. Now a word of advice from someone who have done some serious talk to parents/grandparents in my younger years, take everything in stride. They might say some words that are sharp, don't get upset just listen. By being calm you can learn a great deal. Kind words calm the spirit. I know this from experience.

As a father my greatest fear is that my children growing up a failure (in character sense, with no sense of morality. College degree and the likes comes a very close second). If they fail I "feel" I failed as a parent. Once you became a father yourself you will see.

 

Plus.....

If you want his respect;

1) Move out or,
2) Pitch in around the house - Mow the lawn, rebuild his transmission, re-shingle the roof, flush the toilet once in a while to add value since you've dropped out of school. When a child quits schools and starts working full time, the parental duty ends.
3) You working 60 hours and paying your bills has no value to him or the family.
4) Stop free loading and pay your way. You must pay rent to your parents if you want their respect and the long warm showers . Since you dropped out of school and have intentions of joining the Army has no immediate value to you or your parents. Like some one here said, your father see's you as a failure and is scared shitless.
5) See Item #1. When you move out, you'll soon learn how good you had it. And before long, you'll be dying to move back in.