Newly divorced

ok, so im recently seperated/ divorced from my wife of 3 years. first marraige, so not real sure how to take it all in. im pretty pissed that she wasnt willing to change anything while we were married, but now that i got my own place and stuff, we are getting along pretty f'n good. so, needless to say, im pretty confused. one week we want each other to die violent deaths, and the next we are being nice to each other like we just left bible camp. guys... girls, i am asking advice on both sides on how to keep my happy feelings at bay, and remember all the BS that we went through to lead us to this point, so that i dont feel the need to deal with anymore bullsh!t, and decide to go back to her. i want to have a friendly relationship with her because we have a 2 year old daughter, and i dont want to put any extra drama on her, aside from the fact that daddy doesnt live there anymore. my mind is an absolute wreck, for other reasons as well, just trying to get them in order one at a time. any questions, comments, concerns would be greatly appreciated. thanks everybody

 

Well your right man you have know idea how to feel cause its mixed feelings but keep it simple just be friends and you really you cant say you will never get back maybe things will get closer now that you are away thats just how it is crazy. and sorry to hear about your split

 

I am in the same situation (sorta).

Separated.
3 years married next week.
No kids - 3 dogs (2 mine, 1 hers)

Now that she is moved out, everything is peachy keen (even though we were throwing things a month ago). All of my friends and family are telling me to bail (hardcore), but thing are actually good for once. WTF?

I feel your pain man. Sorry to hear that it didn't work. I am very sorry to hear that you have a daughter caught up in all of this.

 

you are freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

4/5 counselors later, I told her to move out. I don't know if I can afford another one.

 

I lived with my daughters mother for 5 yrs without a child then 2 with now we are split. Stick to your guns. Stay gone. If you go back it will be awsome but only takes a second to get right back into the grove of being angry and unhappy that has to worse on the kids. It tuff but stick it out. You can't go back or atleast I can't. Her and I get along great now our daughter will be 4 in december.

 

Just put her (your daughter) first in all of your thoughts. Make sure you do that. There is no good that will come out of staying together if it is constant fighting between the two of you and your daughter doesn't need to see that. Also, one reason why it gets better when you finally live apart is because you get the chance to breathe, both of you. And you know that even if you have to deal with each other you still get to go to your corners when its over. So it makes your situation a tad bit more relaxed. If the relationship is something that you want to save however, then pick it apart. Seriously, write down the pro's and con's. And then what ever the con's are, see if they are fixable. I don't know your relationship, but some "cons" can never be fixed.

What do you guys fight over?

 

That's some really good advice.

 

you are right, there is no doubt in my mind what is most important in my world. it is my daughter, no question. i 100% agree with you on the ability to go to your own corners. i guess i am just whatever about the whole thing because i have tried so long to explain to her where i am in my life, and to jump on the adult train, or continue your way....... apparently she doesnt like trains??? never knew that...... it is a huge weight off of my shoulders, but she is all i have known for x amount of years, and i will beat my own ass if i go back. luckily i have a lease now for another 11 and a half months, so i guess we shall see where we are at that point. the good thing is we have agreed on everything in the seperation agreement, no contest. i am proud of her for that, didnt think it would be that easy. high five to her. oh well, i am actually ready to move on, just need to find the time to go meet some people. i hate shift work..........blah. waking up at 3am is not conducive to meeting new people. i'll figure it out though. either that, or i will live vicariously through all of my pals here!!! again, thanks for the fast response

 

...working is not conducive to meeting new people.

 

sorry, ive had a few drinks and forgot to answer the last question. basically, there wasnt much we didnt fight over. she is from VA, Im from TX, raised totally different, i think we both expected each other to follow along with each others views.......not a good combo to be completely honest. im pretty understanding too, so it is basically all her fault. hahahah

 

Isn't it weird how backgrounds being different can put so much distance between two people when you are trying to relate to each other???

(er - I'm 8 drinks into the night as well)

 

lol I meet people all the time and I pretty much work my ass off.... literally. But I make it a point at each oppurtunity to meet someone. Someone ask me a question, it will spark a full convo.... whether I am at work, in the store or online.... just got to do it.

 

Unfortunately, I work with the same people 24/7. I meet new people when they come on here, and when I actually have money to go out (that hasn't happened in a while).

 

Yeah, well then I would say it is time to move on. Fighting sucks! One thing I have learned however, is that even when your in a relationship, you won't always think alike. And that's ok. You are 2 totally different people, it should be expected. Just decide if what you disagree on is worth divorce.

 

my job sucks balls though, you dont even know. im in the navy, i stand watch at "gates" saluting and letting navy wives in. im super cool with everybody that comes through, but not really enough time to talk or chat. maybe i should just get some business cards made? " newly single badass seeks hot female companionship, maybe some sex??" see how many hits i get? just throwing it out there.......ya never know... btw, 7 beam and cokes deep....my favurt!!

 

Thats because those 2 cute lil puppys take all your money and your time!!! They are tooooo cute! What do you do for work?

 

dam shes good