Ugg, broke off engagement after 2 year relationship (engaged 8mos.)

Day 1. One foot after the next. Do to communication issues, mostly mine, I let myself get unhappy, insecure, and felt insufficient and that I didn't meet my ex's expectations. She is high maintenance I guess and holds herself to a high standard I felt I couldn't reach and I often felt shitty. Sex and intimacy slowed down significantly; not as a result, but I felt unsatisfied sexually and communicated it but nothing changed. Otherwise I internalized everything until I realized I was unhappy and kind of done before I even realized it. For example, she built a friendship with her ex-husband, and instead of putting a boundary up like I should have, I like a total wuss said I was cool about it because I was trying to be 'evolved' and trusting when it was definitely bugging me.

I think because I was trying to hold it together and not tell my friends about our issues it got worse.

One of her best friends reached out on a call, and for some reason, I kind of unloaded all of my emotions on that call. I emotionally vomited pretty much all of the crap that happened over the last few years; I did the opposite of protecting my relationship, I trashed it. I think her friend kind of liked the drama and spurned me on. Friend tells fiancee everything, ex confronts me, I come clean, trust is gone and engagement ends effective last night.

I was very surprised that I dumped so much on her friend, like WTF would I do that, but then I realized after introspection it was all of my built up emotions coming out in a weird way and I sabotaged the relationship. It could have been saved with open and honest communication I think had I recognized how it was impacting me sooner.

Moral of the story: relationships aren't easy and don't even internalize anything that is bugging you in your relationship. Communicate it, even the tough stuff. It's better in the long run. Internalizing = resentment = hard feelings = communication breakdown = big issues.

 

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Sorry you're going through this. Learn from it. Not sharing your true feelings with others, is not a good idea, it doesn't matter if it is a mate, coworker or boss. A relationship is a lot of work, it doesn't matter how well you get along, one must always be working on making it better by dealing with issues that make each other unhappy. Stop giving in and fuck today's "evolved man", that is non-sense. Be an alpha male, and never be afraid to walk away.

 

Uhhh, mates coworkers and bosses are very different animals. I could give two shits if my coworkers and boss have an orgasm when I have sex with them....

OP, TMI IMHO.

Sorry your relationship broke up but you’ll see it’s for the better in the long run. Don’t dwell too long but reflect on YOU and YOUR actions for a while. Have fun. Don’t enter any serious relationship for a couple of years (or sooner if you can certify to yourself you’re not rebounding or projecting your baggage to a new mate).

Hang in there.

 

Thanks guys. Good feedback and it's helping me feel better. I really haven't made a formal announcement yet, so the pep talks are great.

 

@crashngiggles get in here!

 

well i did read it and i appreciate your candor.

this is one of those that can be fixed with a lotta work but you gotta ask if it's that kind of relationship and is worth all that.

i would keep on trucking like you. doesn't really sound like it was all that.

i made a decision long ago that if i found the one I would work for it, but if i didn't find the one that would be ok and i wouldn't try to call a square peg round.

my dad told me something one time that i found revealing. he said, when you're 17 you date someone. when you're 22 you date someone. when you're say 26 or whatever you date someone, and maybe you feel it's time to tie the knot, because it's time.... not because she's the one, just because it's time.

when i heard that i knew my dad was totally full of all the wrong shit... and i turned out to be right about all that.

so i determined that I need to seek the one, if I'm looking, but not to be out there just to hook up permanently. my dad did it 3 times, all total disasters.

do it right and be willing to walk and let it go if it's not the real deal. nothing good in life happens without some kind of self-sacrifice.

 

One door closes....another door (most likely better in your case) opens.

Look forward not back.

 

Dude, you are a Bad Ass MFer!
You drive a Toyota crew cab short bed TRD Off road Tacoma!
You have 652 messages on TW which is filled with F ing strangers that call you brother.
Your member # is 250494 and everything you do matters.
You matter plenty!

 

The Doctor is in.......you called?

 

I’ve learned that if you never try you never get disappointed


Single life’s the best life

 

What's the biggest tires I can fit on stock suspension?

 

Started here.

 

Honestly I wouldn't even blame yourself. It's clear to me that the relationship was gone long before you let loose on her friend. You just didnt feel it anymore. Communicating with her previously wouldn't have changed how you felt because she wasnt gonna change what made you lead up to that.

Take this as a win. Move on (I know its hard) and live life

 

225/30R14 of course

 

I mean, I do drive a cool tacoma, so I have that. I'm marketable and I'm ok on the eyes so no worries there.

 

If you need to talk about it we can set up a time. My services have always been free to TW members. PM if you want.

 

Op, it hurts now and you are wondering what you should've done differently. It sounds like you were not the only one to blame. This shit is complicated, just make sure you learn something about yourself from it. You will look back in years and see the value in all your past failed relationships and how they prepared you for the one that is just right for you. You know she's the one when you can both talk about past relationships. Do your thing, man.

 

As a married person, you did the right thing getting out of that relationship before things became much more complicated with marriage. Relationships are work, but it should be the kind of work you enjoy. It doesn't sound like you enjoyed this one, find someone you enjoy putting the work in for.