When exactly does someone become an A-Hole?

A true asshole is hatched, not born. They begin life in the larval stage, called a douche. Not the other way around. And through the beauty of Mother Nature, they molt the “bag”, transitioning from cheeky selfishness to full on emotional terrorist. You can tell if they are an asshole by the lack of the belly button.

next time somebody steps out of line, lift up their shirt. You’ll see.

 

Wait! Didn't you just get bellybutton removal surgery?

 

I need to blend in in upstate NY where everyone is the worst at everything

 

So it was easy to track her down for her insurance info then, right?

 

I'm an asshole, but I don't damage other people's shit.

What really gets my goat is I park my truck far away from other people only to find some lone asshole had to park next to me

 

That’s me. I’m like “ooh Tacoma parking club”

 

I also park out in the boondocks. I don’t really care if another boondocker parker comes and parks in my vincity as long as they are leaving a space or two between me and them. At least then I feel like we are sort of thinking along the same wavelength.

When they have to park right next to you and stupid close, that is just being an a-hole.

 

People like you park next to me all the damn time when I just want space. I actually confronted the owner of this red car, who clearly parked next to me because he thought we were color bros, and told him his pony ride needed detailing. The guy didn’t even have 4wd apparently. Asshole.

 

I’ve found that when people say/act like they want space, what they really need is somebody to LISTEN. And that’s why I’m there. To listen.

But yeah I’d be like bro ain’t nobody impressed with your bullshit status flag. If you can’t roll on the trails with me, you got a cuck wagon.

 

Some ppl are just fuked in the head. When we first moved into our current neighborhood, the lady across the street from us told us to "fuck off" when we asked her to stop coming across the street with her dog just let him piss on our mailbox post because I don't want to smell dog piss every time I go to get the mail.

 

Good on ya', Sungod.

 

Go piss on her mailbox. That’ll show her.

 

haha! she was furious, me and the wife were blown away at her response.

 

And this is how I know I'm an asshole, I'd go out of my way to annoy her and make her life more intolerable as a response. I call that a reactionary asshole.

It reminds me of a rental duplex I lived in. I was not responsible for lawncare. The property setup was weird with a shared driveway and garage so I mostly parked in the street. One day I had a huge pile of branches in the driveway blocking my garage. Had to call property management to get the lawn care people to come back and haul them off. They had been piling downed branches up at the bottom of a tree in the front yard. One day, they chose to move the pile in the street in front of my truck. I put them back at the bottom of the tree. Next time they mowed, again piled in front of my truck. I decided to move all of them and place them in various areas in the backyard. I even collected more branches from other old piles and even from places not on the property. And maybe collected pre-downed branches from the trees. Have fun mowing the backyard next time. They moved all the branches into a row of bushes in the backyard and that was the end of it. Quit being an unprovoked asshole and you won't get asshole done back to you.

 

I've had somewhat of the same problem with neighbors of mine once. I kept finding dog shit in my yard, but I was never able to witness the culprit. Each time that it would happen, I'd get more and more aggravated. Then one day, while I was mowing the lawn, I see the couple from 4 doors down walking their dog. Sure enough, they stopped in my freshly cut yard to let their dog shit, all while watching me work. They smiled, waved, and without picking up the shit, walked away as if nothing had happened. I immediately stopped mowing and went inside to grab a plastic bag and a some paper towels. I walked over to the dog shit. Yep! It looked exactly like the previous pieces of shit that I kept finding in my yard. Finally, I had caught them. Got ya, bitches! So, I scooped up the dog shit with the paper towels, and put it in the plastic bag. Then, I very calmly walked towards their house and approached the front door. I dumped the bag of still somewhat soft dog shit right on the door mat and then turned around to walk away. As I exited the driveway, they see me from down the street and asked if I needed anything. I said "No thank you. I was just picking up your dog's shit for you." They seemed confused and didn't say another word. They hurried to their house while I proceed to continue my yard work. Minutes later, the fucking guy stormed over huffing and puffing, yelling about something. I couldn't really hear him because my mower was still running, but his face was really red, almost purple in color. So I stop the mower, smile, and say "Hey dude. What's up?" He groans, "That's disgusting! I'm calling the police!" "Cool, man.", I reply, and he storms back to his house. I finish off the rest of my yard work and then crack a beer while I wait for the police to arrive. After about 4 beers I figured that I was in the clear. And that's it. End of story. No police. No more dog shit. Nothing. I do still see him regularly, so I always make sure to smile and wave. He doesn't acknowledge me, though. What an asshole.

 

christ! sounds like some of the neighbors here! In 15 yrs we've only seen 2 of the many dog owners p/u after their pet. A new women moved in with a great-dane and she never scoops, can't even imagine wtf is coming out of that thing, his head is almost her height when they're walking.

 

reminds me of the people who cut you off and then give you the bird when you honk as if you're the asshole that doesnt know how to drive.

 

Disposing of pet waste is actually an ordinance where I live. It is punishable, but you need video evidence for proof. The 1st offense is a $100 fine. The 2nd is $250. 3rd offense and the city will impound the animal. That's only one way to deal with it, though. I just think that it's a lot more fun to fuck with them because I'm that asshole who hates stupid people... & I've had dogs. So I get it. But let the dog shit in your own yard, not mine. If I wanted shit in my yard I'd get another dog. The weird thing about it is that these people don't want shit in their yard either, which makes it even more insane that they could possibly think that I want shit in mine. What the fuck is wrong with people?! So stupid!

 

Deep breaths, serenity now! Serenity now. The stupid people are gone... everything is alright now....

 

I’m good now. Thanks!