i needed TP and Hand Sanitizer before it was a 'thing' nowadays...

Too many steamies at la belle province? Get ya every time with a side of poutine!

 

Man ain't that the truth.

Here's my story. Back in college I was at a party in an off campus apartment complex, sort of townhouse style. Having a good time, when I get that gurgle and sinking feeling.

While the need is not yet dire, I start weighing my options. It's a good 15 minute walk back to my place with zero contingency options if I can't make it. That's a risk.

I'm in an apartment so of course there's a bathroom, but theres quite a few people at the party. Dudes are pissing outside, there's a short line of ladies using the bathroom. I could definitely utilize this, but I can tell this BM is going to be AWFUL. It'd be nothing short of an act of war on everyone in the proximity.

As I'm mulling it over, I remember that the people who live next door are here. I find one of them, who are casual aquaintances and say "hey mind if I use your bathroom?"

I get the ok and hurry over, make my way to the bathroom and get that demon out. Sweet relief soon turns to horror when I can't find the TP, zip, zero, nada.

Fuck.

I tear apart the bathroom, and nothing. As I'm working up the courage to sacrifice a sock, I see the waste basket has some tissues in it. Used tissues. Oh man. I can't just sit here forever.

So, laughing at the ridiculous situation I find myself in, I pick through the garbage for the cleanest tissues I can find and wipe my ass with them. Flush the whole abomination and take my leave.

It's been 10 years and I still remember this experience vividly.

 

Italian hotdogs from Lafleur's.

Had to throw my underwear away. My only saving grace was that it was during the movie and all the restrooms were vacant.

It was a very quiet ridehome. My friend didn't say a word.

 

Lol that’s awesome.

 

I've got some impressive code 3 poo stories, but yours is the shit.

I actually have used my tee shirt to wipe my ass before, then later walked into a Salvation Army shirtless and bought a used tee shirt for 50c to cover up with.

One of the funny things that made me realize this was a true story was that you turned off the radio. During my... similar incidents... this is weirdly also the first thing I do. It's like the slight extra distraction might cause just the tiniest sphincter twitch, and in this game, that might be the difference between throwing out a pair of pants or not. Reclining the seat and trying to achieve complete body straightness also seems to give some breathing room.

 

@CrippledHo

 

I thought the same thing with the radio. When my gut starts to boil, the radio goes silent.

 

Absolutely. I can't really explain it - but you understand it - but i too feel like I cannot handle ONE ounce of possible distraction. Had to focus. Had to channel my everything to not shit myself in my car.

 

Thank you. This is gold. Absolute gold. Well written, terrific imagery and edge-of-your-seat action and drama. 10/10 would read again.

 

Poetry. Magnificent. An inspiration for the younger generation. Are you a teacher?

 

Seems apropos

 

Indirectly.

I'm a Father, but for $ I am a strategic planning officer for a us army garrison in germany.

 

TLDR

 

So does make you DeutschDarin tho?

 

Then Yep. I guess it does. I'm actually from the Seattle Area Lived in the US most-recently near Dee twahhh

 

I'm looking across the St. Clair river at Marine City as I type this...

 

awesome -I lived out in the country - near Capac (cows and pigs and chickens) Acres and dirt roads and corn. Was cool. My ex and my son are still out that way; my daughter is with me here in Europe.

 

And for the story...this is precisely why Germans have this word

Schadenfreude