Whatever

My day went well, I planted radishes, lettuce, and onions.

 

No judgement from said story!! Got it?

 

Nice! Thanks!

 

Your turn

 

Love it! No judgement here as I've done similar

Finish the jooookkkeeee

 

My stories suck, I'll try to think of one that doesn't.

 

fuck sweet, pigeons? there goes breakfast...

 

Ooo is it story sharing time?

 

-

 

Single moms

 

Cell phones have turned a 3 minute poop into a 20 minute break while sitting down

 

Well shit. State of MO gonna have to declare deer an endangered species after you got done.

 

Last time I pooped in Lowe’s the manager ask me if I needed help. I said yeah, I need tp and I can’t get this to flush. Should have went in the bathroom I reckon.

 

We’ll wait

You got one? Tag me otherwise I might miss it.

 

Edit: @SRH

Alright. How about...random story number 3:

So, this takes with the same people as described in random stories 1 & 2. So, it's me, my buddy, and fucktard with his uncle. We were bored one night and decided to go walking around after a few beers (more than likely too many beers). We're just talkin, walkin and figuring out something to do. Well, we get to...we'll call it, place "x". We didn't know why fucktard wanted to go to place "x" but we were drunk so it didn't matter. Well, we see fucktard place somthing down in an open area and tell us to step back. We wonder why, but also too drunk to ask too many questions. We get far enough back and all of a sudden shit happens. Turns out fucktard had gotten himself a firework. Not a firecracker, not a sparkler, a fucking full-blown firework. This place lights up like the 4th of July and is loud as shit. Now, bear in mind this place is very public and very populated even at night. We run the fuck out of there as we hear sirens. We all split up and head back towards the house, my buddy and I thinking "this fucking fucktard is an idiot" obviously. We make it back after 10 minutes and continue drinking while not one person asks where he got it or why he decided to do what he did, because A: drunk, and B: not worth the answer.

 

Let's just let Dave handle the jokes, shall we?

 

Or the old "ketchup under the seat" trick. Sidebar: I went to a friend's house whose toilet flushed so that the water came up a good amount before flushing. Whenever that happens is like a moment of hopeless panic as you wait for the inevitable and are just yelling obscenities for everyone in earshot to hear.