Houston area (along with DB's not from Houston) BS thread

Anybody need some? They only have on gallon left
upload and resize image site

 

What have you been doing

 

Doing Dennis Jr. things.

 

How many Peruvians does it take to make a donut?

 

1/2

 

Do peruvians even know what a donut is?

 

Hey Dennis, you know what a donut is??

 

Of all the things I learned in grade school, how to avoid cooties was the last one I expected to use!

So can we expect car insurance to go down since nobody can go anywhere? Just wondering... Jake, from State Farm...

People keep asking “is coronavirus really that serious?” Listen up! Casinos and churches are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing, it’s probably pretty serious!

Now that teachers finally have a chance to use the restroom, there’s no toilet paper.

Shout out to all the parents who never taught their kids respect and now they’re stuck at home with the little shits!!!

The longer this goes on the harder it will be to return to a society where pants and bras are required.

Cops these days will be like…come out with your hands washed!

Day 31 of quarantine… ate all the snacks and food… clothes no longer fit… but I’m still wearing gloves and mask for my protection.

I'm as bored as an Amish electrician

Ask not what staying home on the couch can do for you, but staying home on the couch can do for your country.

50 million children being homeschooled by gun owning parents and not one single school mass shooting. Arming teachers works!!!

Police confront nudist sunbathers over not wearing facemasks amid coronavirus outbreak.

Ladies… time to start dating the older dudes. They can get you into the grocery store early.

I don’t like the fact that my chances of survival seem to be linked to the common sense of others.

I can’t believe I can walk into a store to buy weed, but I have to meet my hairdresser in a dark alley with unmarked bills to get a haircut!

Have to say that the Class of 2020 outdid themselves with Senior Skip Day this year!

With so many sporting events cancelled, they’re having to televise the World Origami Championship… It’s on Paperview.

Everyone is posting memes and talking about coming out of this quarantine with a new skill or side hustle. I’m just sitting here wondering how I never noticed there’s a turd in Saturday.

Not to brag, but I haven’t been late for anything for the past 21 days!

Sitting at the bar in the kitchen at night. Tried to pick up my wife. She gave me a fake phone number. WTH…

It’s been a blessing being home with the wife for three weeks now. We’ve caught up on everything I’ve done wrong for fifteen years.

Have you noticed that since beauty salons are closed, selfies are down 68%?

Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent coronavirus, but to stop eating.

 

Custody case
Work for a Toyota dealership now as a salesman
Bought a 4runner

how have y’all been?

 

You have all rights to the dildo you bought....

No more lexus?

Sober!

 

Don’t Tell me you are a serious buyer, ask me how low I’ll go, post a screenshot of a prerunner comp from KBB, then ask if I’ll trade for an old F150, then tell me you don’t have near enough money after I tell you I’ll drop my price $2k if I swap out the shocks.

I swear people freaking idiots.

 

So how low will you go?

 

$10k

 

And they're still lowballing?

Screw them.

 

Think he'd rather have the 10K....

 

If I don't have any serious offers within the next 3 months I'm just going to keep it.
I don't need the money and I don't need to sell. My problem is that I know I will keep throwing money into mods if I keep it.
Now that I have the Caddie and want to mod it............. my Mod Want list for the Caddie is already close to $6K